Politics / Sex
Media Reports Confirm Rumored Existence of Dow Constantine's Penis
by Dan Savage
on Tue, May 15, 2012 at 11:33 AM
Thanks to a stray email we can now confirm that Dow Constantine, King County Executive, has a penis and that Constantine used his penis to have sex with a lady. Constantine was widely believed to have a penis and to have used his penis to have sex with ladies as Constantine lives with a lady with whom he was widely believed to be having sex using his penis. However the stray email that confirmed the existence of Constantine's penis was not written by the woman with whom Constantine lives and was widely believed to be having sex. So we can now report that King County Executive Dow Constantine, age 50, has had sex with at least two ladies in the roughly thirty-five years that he has been capable of achieving and maintaining erections to the point of ejaculation.
Here's what we don't know: We don't know what sort of agreement Constantine has with the lady with whom he lives. Do they have an open relationship? Are they monogamish? Does Constantine having sex with other ladies violate the terms of his agreement with the lady with whom he lives? We don't know. Does the lady with whom Constantine lives have sex with other county executives? We don't know.
Two other things we do know: We know that there were no financial or political shenanigans. So there's no official misconduct to report. And Constantine isn't a Republican—that is, Constantine isn't a member of political party that seeks to regulate the private sexual conduct of other Americans, builds campaigns around the theme of "family values," and attacks opponents for their perceived sexual and moral failings. So there's no hypocrisy to report either.
Summing up: area man had sex with a lady and another lady might be mad at him. Or she might not. We don't know.