by Dan Savage
on Mon, May 14, 2012 at 2:53 PM
How many guys nowadays have only slept with one woman all their lives? I was my boyfriend's first for a lot of things - all he did before was make out, some fondling, and fingered a girl once. He does watch porn (as do all guys, so he tells me), which makes me wonder if he thinks he's missing out by not having had sex with other girls. We've talked about this before, and he's admitted to being curious about what sex with other girls would be like, again, like all other guys, according to him. But he said he'd never do it since it would mean losing me.
I love him. Do I owe it to him to let him satisfy his curiosity and experiment with other women? Or do I go with the 'well, who knows how long this'll last, I'm sure he'll have plenty of time for other women when this goes south' route? It makes me physically ill to think of other women touching him, even though I'm the one in the relationship who has had partners before him. I'm willing to try most things once (and some things multiple times), but I can't fathom ever being okay with him having sex with someone else. Am I being unfair and selfish, or is my jealousy normal?
If your boyfriend is willing to go without having sex with other women to be with you, LTR, take the fucking compliment and stop standing around wringing your hands worrying about whether you're being "unfair" to him. Let him make up his own mind and be gracious enough to take "yes" for an answer. In other words: If a strictly monogamous commitment is the price he's willing to pay to ride this ride—you being the ride—let him fuckin' pay it. And, yeah, if you two stay together forever your boyfriend may go to his grave never knowing what it's like to have sex with another women. But I'm probably gonna go to my grave never knowing what it's like to have a threeway with Brad Pitt and Keanu Reeves.
And that's okay. Because no one gets everything he wants.
Finally, swingers websites, sex clubs, and hotel rooms with three people fucking in them are full of people who at one point in their lives couldn't "fathom ever being okay with" their partners having sex with someone else. Just because you feel this way now, LTR, doesn't mean you'll feel this way always. A day may come when you'll be okay with your boyfriend—perhaps your husband by then—sleeping with someone else. So allow your boyfriend to live in hope and not, you know, nope. Because you never know.