If you wanted to say something was garlicky without the K it'd look like garlicy which looks like it's garlic flavored lice or something. So while I get that the K in garlicky is totally necessary, I still hate that it has to exist. It's so presumptuous.
On tomorrow's ballot, the city of Portland, Oregon will decide whether to fluoridate its drinking water supply, a measure that a recent SurveyUSA poll suggests is losing by a double-digit margin. Good news for dentists, but fucking crazy. So crazy, in fact, that it qualifies the entire city of Portland to win the SECB endorsement for Lieutenant Governor.
by Kelly O
on Wed, May 15, 2013 at 12:35 PM
Can someone explain why Ahmed Angel is suddenly planet? I am confused! Also, get a load of this guy. He paid a wizard $500 to make him invisible. Doesn't he know, being invisible doesn't make him planet?
I have seen the occasional pile of oranges and bananas at a Walgreens. The sad cafeteria-style pile of unripe fruit makes a kind of sense. But this drugstore's exotic fruit display—pineapples, coconuts, papayas, mangos in between hair dryers and cans of nuts—totally blew my mind. Overhead, they played Joni Mitchell. The wooden display is actually for a brand of "crunch dried® fruit and vegetable snacks" in plastic bags, the kind of food I expect at the drugstore. It was a tropical fluke in the snack aisle. Or is this a new trend?
When I first saw this I couldn’t tell if it was cringeworthy or simply awesome. But listening to the whole thing I’m gravitating heavily toward option two. This is Chris Hadfield, commander of the International Space Station, performing Bowie’s Space Oddity from … well, space.
First Donald Trump calls Jon Stewart out for changing his name to something less Jewish. Next Jon Stewart responds by referring to Donald Trump by his real name, "Fuckface Von Clownstick." THEN the hilarious folks at NMA (the Taiwanese animation news people) make their most awesomest CG recreation of the fight EVARRRRRR! (Seriously, why do we get our news anywhere else?)
On the left, we have Kim "Even My Armpits Are Fat!" Kardashian. (Let me pause for a moment and say: Like most women, I feel acutely aware of all the ways my body can fail to please others at any given moment, but dear lord, it has never occurred to me that you can have FAT ARMPITS.)
On the right, we have Gwyneth "World's Most Beautiful Woman" Paltrow.
There's no in between, really. It's either Ol' Fat Armpits McGee or Mrs. Goop. You choose.
How much does the Republican Party love guns? They love guns so much that they basically call President Obama a loser for consoling the mother of a Newtown shooting victim in a new RNC ad. That's how much the Republican Party loves guns.
Here is a thing that baffles me: On a road trip through Idaho last year, I saw a lot of anti-wind-energy billboards. Whoa. Who is actually against wind power? Up until then, it hadn't occurred to me that anyone could be. The basic argument seems to be that wind farms are unsightly or invasive. But there was another billboard argument I saw that was so weird I almost thought I'd dreamed it. One of the billboards compared wind farms to prostitution. It was insane, but I didn't get a picture because, you know, driving. This weekend, a friend who was driving through Idaho snapped one and sent it to me:
If you can't read it, that says: "CAUTION RED LIGHT DISTRICT AHEAD! Wind Development, not the oldest profession, but the result is the same."
Ummmmmm... what?!? The result of wind energy is the same as the result of prostitution? Because wind turbines have little red lights on them so planes don't fly into them? And wait, what's the "result" of prostitution? Sex? Money? The website the billboard's advertising is just this, a simple list of articles that paint wind power negatively. There is not an explanation of why wind farms are such whores.
On the same trip, I saw this totally different billboard about prostitution and meth, which broke my brain with its awfulness. Is she not your daughter anymore? Who's on meth here, anyway? And why is a sex worker such an effective bogey(wo)man on rural highways? It felt like an obsession.
On the other hand, the windstitute billboard has added another dimension to my vocabulary. "I have to wear this dress to see my folks later, do I look like a total wind farm?" It's highly entertaining.
Bleeding Cool caught "real" life "superhero" Phoenix Jones's announcement that he's going international. And here it is, in Jones's typical ALL CAPS:
I WILL BE STARTING A UK DIVISION OF THE RCSM [Rain City Superhero Movement, Phoenix's little local fake superhero club] LEAD BY RED FALCON. HE IS A GOOD STRONG LEADER AND WILL REPRESENT THE TEAM WELL. I HAVE ALSO EQUIPPED HIM WITH THE LATEST LEGAL CRIME FIGHTING GEAR AS WELL AS BULLET AND STAB RESISTANT PLATING.
COUNT ZERO WILL BE HEADING UP MY ARIZONA DIVISION. MIDNIGHT JACK AND I PERSONALLY TRAINED HIM AND HE IS VERY TALENTED AND KNOWLEDGEABLE.
PUMA WILL BE HEADING UP MY DUBAI DIVISION. HIS ROLE AND PLANS MUST BE KEPT CLOSE TO THE VEST CONSIDERING THE LAWS IN DUBAI ARE VERY DIFFERENT.
I AM TRYING TO TALK HARBINGER INTO RUNNING MY CALIFORNIA DIVISION. WE HAVE TEAMS BEING SET UP IN SOUTH AFRICA, AUSTRALIA, AND NEW ZEALAND. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.
If you're reading Slog in a city that is not Seattle, you should be warned: Idiocy is on the march! And also: Please know that we are so, so sorry about this.
Holy Motors, the metaphysical fantasia by Leos Carax, is baffling by design. It's also gorgeous, sporadically riveting, and completely insane.
The film follows 24 hours in the life of Mr. Oscar (Denis Lavant), a shape-shifting man who spends his days executing various "appointments," each of which requires him to be someone new. He's transported from appointment to appointment by his trusty driver Celine (Edith Scob), in a limo big enough to contain a makeup table, costume storage, and a fireplace.
First, he's a wizened old street beggar, ignored by passers-by on the street.
Then he's a motion-sensor-laden acrobat on some sort of virtual soundstage, where he executes intricate stage combat before simulating sex with a motion-sensor-laden woman.
Then he's a milky-eyed monster troll who ventures into the sewer and emerges at a cemetery, where the tombstones says "Visit my website" and our monster troll devours flowers and terrifies onlookers. Ultimately, he comes upon a photo shoot, featuring a gorgeous top model (Eva Mendes) and a jittery photographer who'd love to shoot the milk-eyed troll. Instead, the troll bites off the fingers of the photographer's assistant and kidnaps the model, dragging her into the sewer and eventually giving her the full burqa treatment. (Also, his penis is blurred out, thanks to Netflix's censors.)
Then he's back to middle-aged man form, in which he drives to pick up his teenage daughter from a party. Father and daughter converse, then argue, and the father leaves in a huff, telling his caught-in-a-lie daughter, "Your punishment is to be you—to live with yourself".....
Murder City Devils frontman Spencer Moody launched a Kickstarter campaign today (April 1st), hoping to raise $45,000 to make "a great sounding rock record" with fellow Devil Dann Gallucci. Yes, please! That'd be fucking great! But $45,000!?!?
So! Michelle Shocked showed up at the venue she would've played last night—if her tour hadn't been canceled due to her homophobic ranting—and protested outside the door by sitting in the border beds in a wacky outfit and with tape over her mouth. Read all about it on Line Out, and take the important Bald Britney vs. Tape-Mouth Michelle poll.
Young, Alaska's sole congressman... made the comment during a sit-down interview with Ketchikan Public Radio earlier this week. Talking about how technology is affecting the economy, he referenced an anecdote from his family's farm in California.
"My father had a ranch; we used to have 50-60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes," Young said. "It takes two people to pick the same tomatoes now. It's all done by machine."
The good congressman was kind enough to clarify matters:
"I used a term that was commonly used during my days growing up on a farm in Central California," the Republican congressman said in a statement issued to a local television station in Anchorage. "I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays and I meant no disrespect."
And exactly how is it used nowadays? What do we mean when we say "wetbacks" or "fags" or "niggers" nowadays?
Couldn't he wait until the flowers were gone? Such pretty flowers. Pink like the nipples of that unfortunate woman in the Japanese ghost story. And what a terrible ghost story it is. I have recounted it before. It goes like this:
An old woman is dying, and sitting next to her, taking care of her, is a young woman (in her late teens). Feeling the end is near, the old woman, who is in bed, asks the young woman to take her outside to see a cherry blossom tree. The young woman offers the support of her shoulders to the old woman, and the old woman stands, places her old hands on the young woman’s shoulders, and is led to the tree in the garden. Once under the tree, with its falling pink petals, the old woman’s hands suddenly let go of the young woman's shoulders, violently reaches over and grabs each of her breasts, squeezes them with the remaining energy in her long life, and dies, clinging to the breasts.
The young woman screams in horror.
Members of her family run outside, see what has happened, and attempt to remove the dead woman’s old hands from her breasts. But the fingers wont separate. The old woman’s flesh has somehow fused with the young woman’s flesh. When a finger is pulled from a breast, the fused flesh tears apart and begins bleeding. At the end of the day there is only one solution left: they cut the old woman’s wrists and hope the fixed hands eventually rot and drop off. But this never happens, and the young woman is forced to live with the old hands on her breasts.
The Internet—the global system of interconnected networks that’s become an increasingly central means of commerce and communication capable of bringing far-flung civilizations together—reached its apex this week, after a man claiming to be the fiancé of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic character Twilight Sparkle contacted a user of online community DeviantArt to demand he stop drawing sexual pictures of his imaginary pony-bride. The request was made in a letter that was then published in full on the Internet, which no longer has any reason to exist, having achieved everything it has ever set out to do.
To me, the most interesting part of the letter is this paragraph:
Click to enlarge.
The most head-smacking part of this whole exchange is the fact that the letter-writer had the realization that women are human beings with likes and dislikes, and that they are not disposable sex objects, but he had this realization about a fictional character. I guess it's better than nothing.