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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Bald! Bears! Bad Times!

Posted by Lindy West on Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 4:00 PM

Spectacled bear, normal-style.
  • Spectacled bear, normal-style.
As you probably know (PAY ATTENTION), I care very deeply about bear issues.

Today in the Daily Mail: Leipzig's bespectacled lady-bears are going bald! AND NOT EVEN SCIENCE KNOWS WHY.

The sudden hair loss has affected all female bears at the zoo.

Some experts believe it could be due to a genetic defect though the animals do not seem to be suffering from any other affliction.

A picture of Dolores, one of the afflicted, is after the jump. JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE IT, MAN!!!

Continue reading »

I Seem to be Sensing a Theme Here...

Posted by Adrian Ryan on Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 10:40 AM

I didn't want to say anything earlier...but, um...

posters.jpg

I'm not sure WHAT I'm just saying, but I'm just saying.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Has Walmart Gained Nuclear Capability?

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 2:34 PM

Holy shit. Daily Finance brings disturbing news to us:

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On Oct. 28, the Nuclear Regulatory Commission cited Walmart (WMT) for improperly disposing of nuclear material. The items in question were exit signs that contained tritium, a hydrogen isotope, and Walmart had apparently been lax in its removal of 2,979 of them. The massive retailer also neglected to hire someone to keep track of its radioactive signage, in direct contravention of the NRC's requirements.

The NRC could, if it wished, levy a $369,300 fine on Walmart; however, it chose to waive the fee because the chain quickly responded to the citation. Walmart tallied the tritium-based signs at its stores, cleaned up radioactive spills created by its broken signs, and eventually decided to switch from tritium-based signs to more conventional — and nonradioactive — signs.

I know (thanks to this delightful, informative photo book that I have been dipping into for the last week and a half) that radioactive material is a lot more common than you might think. But still: The idea of Walmart being responsible for cleaning up nuclear spills is sphincter-tighteningly worrisome.

Apparently, "Club Z" Means Different Things on Different Sides of Lake Washington

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 11:57 AM

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The fact in the subject line was brought to my attention by Slog tipper Jake, who found a Craigslist call for Club Z! Teachers/Tutors Needed $16-$20/hr.

Here's the Eastside's Club Z. And here's Seattle's Club Z. (And here's Christopher Frizzelle's feature about Seattle's Club Z.)

I do not believe Seattle's Club Z offers tutor services, but I could be wrong.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Speaking of Crazy Conspiracies

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 2:35 PM

Anti-Obama Birther site The Betrayal says:

The recent declaration of a NATIONAL EMERGENCY by Barack hussein Obama opens the door for the executive orders clamping down on travel and a host of other freedoms americans have taken for granted for so long. A major scare is about to be unleashed on the public! Get ready everyone!

They are basing their facts on this video, by a woman who will, with Jesus's help, overcome her awful case of Shingles:

She also can't pronounce the word "acquiescence," instead reading it as "ac...ackyo...I can't read this word...acyou...accu-science?" I especially like this comment on The Betrayal's post:

Maybe this is what it will take for most people to wake-up! I can’t load the video, but it is going to take real nazification of our Country to get off their asses!

Be on your toes! "Because time is imminent!" President Obama might enslave us all for our mighty brain power!

Chapel: The Haunting

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 2:05 PM

For your H'ween consideration: Did you know that Chapel on Capitol Hill is HAUNTED?

The Drinkening! SCREAM!
  • www.chapelseattle.com
  • The Drinkening! SCREAM!

Also: more H'ween parties and events than you can shake a (scary) stick at may be found over here.

Silent Truth

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 1:25 PM

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This morning in the Morning News, Lindy linked to a New York Times story about how some Pakistani soldiers found documents linking the Taliban to an Al Qaeda group that planned 9/11.

In a small village in the dun-colored hills of South Waziristan, soldiers found a German passport belonging to Said Bahaji, a German citizen and associate of Mohammed Atta, the leader of the 9/11 hijackers.

The passport was issued in Hamburg in August 2, 2001 and was accompanied by a Pakistani visa dated August 3, 2001. The documents indicated that Mr. Bahaji landed in Karachi from Istanbul on Sept. 4, 2001.

The apparent presence of Mr. Bahaji in the tribal areas of Pakistan is a clear indication that members of the Qaeda network — including participants in the 9/11 plot — have taken refuge here, as American officials, like Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton on Thursday, have charged.

"Well, shit," I thought. "This is going to punch a hole in a bunch of 9/11 Truther theories. I wonder how they're going to respond." After all, Truthers are big on disseminating information, right? So I went to a bunch of Truther sites to see what they had to say about this New York Times story.

Hmmm. We Are Change Seattle doesn't have anything at all about it. 911 Blogger is weirdly silent, too. Come on, guys! Isn't somebody going to float a theory that the Pakistani Army is covering for George W. Bush by faking information? Nothing at 911 Truthaction except for that stunning silver fox of a Wheelie-Truther there to the left. Almost all of these sites to make scary references to Glenn Beck. And it looks like 911Truth.org doesn't have anything about it either...wait a minute! I see the words "New York Times" further down on the page. Maybe they have something to say about the Pakistani evidence:

HerebeTruth_.png

Sigh. Never mind.

Randy & Evi Quaid: In the Flesh!

Posted by David Schmader on Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 9:51 AM

Before they were wanted in California for skipping out on a $10,000 hotel bill and three (!) court appearances related to the crime, Randy and Evi Quaid spent a string of weeks in Seattle, where Randy was starring in a would-be Broadway musical at the 5th Avenue and Evi was doing her patented loony-chick schtick.

During the Quaids' stay in Seattle, Stranger theater editor Brendan Kiley received a number of emails from Evi Quaid, who was looking to drum up publicity for her husband's show. The photos were sent to Brendan by Evi with this email (sic):

"Here is my German stuff

What about these pictures will your editor guarantee there is a good story and tie to the play that’s really funny and about production"

Quaidwatch 2009 continues...

UPDATE: We're working out some rights issues and we'll have the photos back up for you the minute we are able.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Miming for Jesus

Posted by Anthony Hecht on Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 5:17 PM

Slog tipper John D would like everyone to share in the glory that is K & K Mime Ministries.

Okay, yeah, yeah, miming preachers. Weird.

But check out their website.

Best. Flash. Intro. Ever. Voiceover by God himself!

I Don't Know What Mattel Is Thinking

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 4:27 PM

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Daily Stab has just introduced me to the newest Ken (of "Barbie and..." fame) doll. On the left, you'll see a photo of Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken.

Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, Ken doll is ready for Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool and a stroll with his little companion....Includes Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks and accessories, doll stand and certificate of authenticity.

Douchebag Ken costs $82, but you can buy him for $70 over here.

New Column!

Posted by David Schmader on Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 9:00 AM

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Really Big Shark Bitten in Half By Even Bigger Really Big Shark

Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Oct 27, 2009 at 10:33 AM

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Let me get this straight, Australia. You're a huge barren desert, you're crawling with baby-eating mega-spiders and snakes that can turn a man to stone with one venomous glance and saltwater crocodiles so fast they can travel back in time and eat you twice, and your beautiful, tantalizing coastlines are packed with invisible death jellies and ravenous twenty-foot sharks? Oh, but the surfing is really, really good. Okay.


Anyway:

Concerns were raised after a 3m great white shark was found dead with two huge bites taken out of its body. Experts believe the bites were made by an even larger predatory fish.

"Whatever attacked and took chunks out of this big shark must be massive," said Ashton Smith, 19. "I've heard about the big one that's lurking out there somewhere."

Australia is not so much a country as it is a snack delivery system for horrifying beasts.

Swimmers have been warned to stay out of the waters.

But that's exactly what the sabretooth kangaroos WANT!!! Don't play their game!

Mallahan Can!

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Oct 27, 2009 at 9:50 AM

The Mallahan camp got the person or persons behind that "Joe Mallahan Can!" video to pull it down. It's back.

Christ...

Trick-or-Treat FAIL

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Tue, Oct 27, 2009 at 9:40 AM

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  • rochelle, et. al. / flickr

It's "Reverse Trick-or-Treat": In which lucky, lucky kids get to "turn the usual Halloween tradition of receiving candy on its head when they distribute Fair Trade-certified chocolate to adults. Attached to the chocolate will be a card explaining the labor and environmental problems in the cocoa industry globally and how Fair Trade provides a solution."

In Tacoma, fair-trade store Global Creations is hosting “'store-to-store' instead of 'door-to-door' reverse trick-or-treating on October 31st"—meaning not only are you going to stores instead of houses, YOU'RE giving THEM candy.

So you're all "Trick or treat—wait, no, dear store proprietor! I jest! Here is some Fair Trade chocolate that I am giving to YOU so we can save the planet and end child labor TOGETHER!" And maybe you're dressed as an ANGEL!

But instead of the card explaining the labor and environmental etc., you give them a card that says, "I AM THE UNWILLING CAPTIVE OF POLITICALLY CORRECT MONSTERS! CHILD LABOR: YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT! HELP ME!"

Monday, October 26, 2009

"Hay-Seuss? What Kinda Name Is That?"

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Oct 26, 2009 at 11:05 AM

Larry Whitten took over a hotel in New Mexico and he insisted on some changes in his staff:

The tough-talking former Marine immediately laid down some new rules. Among them, he forbade the Hispanic workers at the run-down, Southwestern adobe-style hotel from speaking Spanish in his presence (he thought they'd be talking about him), and ordered some to Anglicize their names.

No more Martin (Mahr-TEEN). It was plain-old Martin. No more Marcos. Now it would be Mark.

Whitten's hotel has been picketed by groups calling him a racist ever since.

"It has nothing to do with racism. I'm not doing it for any reason other than for the satisfaction of my guests, because people calling from all over America don't know the Spanish accents or the Spanish culture or Spanish anything," Whitten says.

Here is my question: Has this already been an episode of South Park, or is this going to be an episode of South Park next week?

Friday, October 23, 2009

Flying Anvils Are Incredibly Satisfying

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 2:30 PM

Here, via Super Punch, we have someone who enjoys launching anvils some 200 feet into the air:

On Bears: Stupid Russian Ideas Edition

Posted by Lindy West on Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 11:11 AM

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In response to my column this week, Slog tipper Tom alerted me to this story:

MOSCOW, Russia (CNN) — A bear on ice skates attacked two people during rehearsals at a circus in Bishkek, the capital of Kyrgyzstan, killing one of them, Kyrgyz officials said Friday.

In the incident, which happened Thursday, the 5-year-old animal killed the circus administrator, Dmitry Potapov, and mauled an animal trainer, who was attempting to rescue him.

"The incident occurred during a rehearsal by the Russian state circus company troupe which was performing in Bishkek with the program, Bears on Ice," Ministry of Culture and Information director Kurmangazy Isanayev told reporters.

After the incident, the circus was cordoned off by police and emergency service workers. Experts have been brought in to examine the bear, which was shot and died at the scene.

Russia has a long-standing tradition of training bears to perform tricks such as riding motorcycles, ice skating, and playing hockey. Fatal attacks are unusual.

I wonder what those "experts" will discover upon examining the bear. Hopefully something illuminating like, oh, SOMEONE STRAPPED BLADES TO THIS BEAR'S FEET AND WENT ICE SKATING WITH IT.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Indecent Exposure!

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 12:58 PM

It's illegal to be naked in your own home in Virginia:

Springfield, Virginia resident Eric Williamson was arrested and charged with indecent exposure yesterday for failing to put on any clothes after getting up at 5:30 am to make some coffee. A woman and her 7-year-old daughter had cut across Williamson's front yard and saw him through his kitchen window.

I like how the original story makes a point to say that the naked coffee guy is from Hawaii. Well, that explains his shameless hedonism.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Just Making Sure You're Seeing This

Posted by Jen Graves on Thu, Oct 15, 2009 at 12:55 PM

The boy wasn't in the balloon when it came down.

There Is a Boy Floating in a Balloon Over Colorado

Posted by Jen Graves on Thu, Oct 15, 2009 at 12:04 PM

And nobody knows how to get him down.

UPDATE: Man, this looks scary. The thing has lost about a third of the helium inside it and is listing in the wind. Jets are being rerouted.

UPDATE AGAIN: The 6-year-old boy inside might be asphyxiated already from breathing in helium alone, unless there's some kind of way he's getting oxygen.

AGAIN: It's circling and descending. Cameras won't show the landing.

AGAIN: Actually, they did show it. Soft landing. Where's Falcon?

UPDATE: NOBODY IS IN THERE. So...where's Falcon?? 'There is no child in this balloon.'

UPDATE: Um, this family was on Wife Swap.

UPDATE: Did a part of the aircraft break off during flight? Is Falcon hiding in the backyard? I cannot stop watching this.

UPDATE: Search-and-rescue underway. They say he's not hiding in the vicinity of the house.

UPDATE: Is this a scam?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"Six Murderous Beliefs"

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Oct 14, 2009 at 2:37 PM

I mentioned this instructional film in yesterday's post devoted to Shallow Grave at the Central Cinema, where it's the curtain-raising attraction.

But it's also in the public domain, so I'm going to showcase it here, too, because I can't stop thinking about it. It's so...long, and weird, and unclear, and it features the most amazing lesson about going swimming too soon after eating a hot dog you'll ever see.

Thanks to Slog commenter G.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Showgirls: The Sequel? Rena Riffel Responds!

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 2:14 PM

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The news broke the day before yesterday, and was forwarded to me by 1,001 wonderful Slog tippers. From joeblo.com:

According to German publication/site Extratipp, writer/director Marc Vorlander has been developing a [Showgirls sequel] called SHOWGIRLS: STORY OF HOPE, one centered on the original’s minor character, Hope — played then and now by model/actress Rena Riffel. The project, says the trade, is so “good” it attracted two Hollywood producers and a $25M budget for production in Frankfurt. “It’s about stripper who died from a dose of contaminated cocaine. Her brother comes to Frankfurt to find the responsible and revenge.”

Aside from this Extratipp report, the only evidence of the allegedly forthcoming Showgirls sequel is the completely baffling official website and an IMDB page for would-be director Marc Vorlander, which literally features nothing.

So, for the inside scoop I contacted the woman who originated the role of Penny/Hope: Rena Riffel, who I've gotten to know via our shared status as people whose lives were irrevocably altered by Showgirls, and who is just as confused about this would-be sequel as everyone else. From our phone chat of this morning:

Tell me everything you know about Showgirls 2: Story of Hope.

RENA RIFFEL: I know nothing about it!

What?! The baffling web page ostentatiously showcases an enthusiastic quote from you, and you're name-checked in the original news item!

I know. I'm kinda speechless. A Showgirls fan forwarded me the website last week. I saw my name in it, and I almost fell off my chair.

Was this the first you'd heard of Marc Vorlander?

He contacted me a year ago—that's when I gave him that quote he uses in the preview. He told me he wanted to make a Showgirls sequel and asked if I was interested. I was, but wanted to know how he was dealing with copyright issues and getting rights from the powers-that-be that own the characters from Showgirls. He said he was working it out, raising money, but then I never heard from him again.

So what do you make of the proposed Story of Hope?

I imagine it's just a rogue production, made by someone who has a great passion for Showgirls. I've emailed [Marc Vorlander] the last few days, but he won't email me back, which isn't a good sign. It's wonderful that's there "heat," as they say—Nomi's got heat, and now Hope's got some heat—but I feel bad that the fans are getting excited and it could be a big lie.

Speaking of would-be Showgirls sequels: Some people have read your role in Mulholland Drive as a possible continuation of Hope/Penny's story. Was that ever made explicit on-set, or are people just projecting?

I think that's people projecting. But in that alternate universe of David Lynch and Penny, I can see how that fits. David Lynch never mentioned such a thing, but the film was cast by the same casting director as Showgirls, so I have a feeling Lynch had seen it.

He'd better have. Will you please keep me posted on any and all Story of Hope developments?

Sure! It's weird that they're advertising it as if I'm totally down with it, but maybe they'll surprise us with some happy fairytale ending.

Stay tuned for updates on this crushingly important matter.

Because It's Not a Party Without a Guy from Toronto Who Kind of Looks Like Dennis Quaid!

Posted by Lindy West on Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 11:48 AM

Is this the saddest thing in the world or the best thing in the world? Obviously I know that this profession exists, I've just never gotten to browse quite so many all at once. I CANNOT STOP. Look how many of them there are!!!

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Hey, happy birthday! Thanks for inviting me! Oh my god, is that Ben Stiller talking to Kirstie Alley!? Is that Keifer Sutherland eating canapes?? I had no idea you had so many celebrity fr—

Oh, no. No, it's not. Anyway, happy birthday. Could you ask Fake Tom Selleck to stop staring at me, please?

When Harry Met Blackface

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 9:55 AM

Last night, American pop star/movie actor Harry Connick Jr. appeared as a judge on Australia's Gong Show-styled TV program Hey Hey It's Saturday. He was not entertained by what he saw, and in a friendly but pointed manner, eventually stops the show to explain why. Here's the whole shebang:

"If I knew that was gonna be a part of the show, I definitely wouldn't have done it," says Connick of (and during) his appearance. Good for him. If I were a voter heading into the ballot booth that is my envelope, I would pull the lever for him.

Thank you, Melbourne-based Slog tipper Arion.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Black Licorice: The Controversy Continues

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Oct 6, 2009 at 11:41 AM

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Earlier this year, Lindy West made a persuasive case for black licorice being the most amazing candy of all. The crux of her argument:

Anti-black licorice people, let me ask you a few questions in which I will liberally lift passages from Wikipedia:

Is your stupid Snickers bar also an effective expectorant?

Is that Hot Tamale in your mouth also used to make Ayurvedic tooth powders?

Do you sometimes use Big Hunk to treat your mouth ulcers and also peptic ulcers too?

Is your beloved Laffy Taffy an ingredient in a Bellevue-based canker sore medication known as CankerMelts?

Oh, oh, do you sometimes take that box of Nerds and employ it as a mild laxative as well as a topical antiviral agent for shingles, ophthalmic (EYEBALL), oral, or genital herpes!?

Say, tell me, is that 100 Grand bar, in addition to being a common snack, also used to treat ileitis, leaky gut syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, and Crohn's disease as it is antispasmodic in the bowels???

THE ANSWER IS NO. NO. ONLY BLACK LICORICE DOES THESE THINGS. TRY RUBBING A THREE MUSKETEERS ON YOUR HERPES AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

Well, I would now like to direct Ms. West's attention to this new report from the University of Edinburgh:

A study of eight year old children whose mothers ate large amounts of liquorice when pregnant found they did not perform as well as other youngsters in cognitive tests. They were also more likely to have poor attention spans and show disruptive behaviour such as ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). It is thought that a component in liquorice called glycyrrhizin may impair the placenta, allowing stress hormones to cross from the mother to the baby. High levels of such hormones, known as glucocorticoids, are thought to affect fetal brain development and have been linked to behavioural disorders in children.

Let the record show that Snickers, Hot Tamales, Big Hunks, 100 Grand Bars, and Laffy Taffy have no history of making your children stupider, only fatter.

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