Don't you wish you worked at KVXO News in Omaha Nebraska? Oh, you will after you watch this...

Don't YOU want more Powerful Thrusts™, and Perfect Pumps™? The best pump you've had in a long time? Only $19.95 + S & H.

Move over child beauty pagents, now there's something leaner! Man, if I ever have a son, I'm gonna make damn sure he can bench press at least three times his own body weight. Yeah! Pedophiles be damned, my kid's gonna be HARD!

Charlize Theron makes out with a stranger (and risks getting swine flu) to raise $140,000 for charity...

Via HuffPo.

"Doctors say what happened to Desiree Jennings shouldn't discourage people from getting flu shots."

Are you f-ing kidding me?! Consider me discouraged. I was just looking at the flu shot sign up sheet about 15 minutes ago. Now there's NO WAY. No way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks. Nope. I don't like running. Or walking backwards.

Oh Russia! Does this TV spot—for some company named Vikam(?) that sells work boots—make me want to buy your shoes? No. Does it make me want to eat a hit of acid and run around with with the naked blonde and the little white harp seal that comes out of her chest? Yes!

Naked blonde may equal NSFW.

Hey Drunkest Guy Ever Goes For More Beer, have you met my friend Drunkest Guy Ever and His Bag?

Time to feed the cats and/or can you smell this video?

Drunk of the Week, er, Acid of the Week... um, no wait, Salvia of the Week?

Can be enjoyed with or without that Neon Indian song.

Did Meredith Vieira really say, "I'm a horny old woman" while hosting a TV game show? I think she did. Rrrarrr-rar-rrrow! You, Meredith, are the new Queen of the Cougars. Get 'em! Bite 'em! Wet willies for everyone...

It's been awhile since I dusted off the the old HOW WAS IT? mic and harassed people. Check out this HUMP! 5 interview reel, filmed Saturday afternoon...

Stop smashing holes in the moon! You're pissing them off! What if they decide they want to smash a hole in us?

Weird WTF cloud filmed in Moscow Russia, Oct. 6, 2009.

Do ever find yourself wondering, gee, I wonder what a elephant birth looks like? Well, here you go. You're welcome.

I know everyone on Teh Internets™ just LOVES them some People of Walmart. Ah ha ha! You so funny, America!! But what if one of the photos came to life and started demanding that he get his $%#-ing chicken?! Is it still funny?

Audio may be NSFW

Angry Skinhead vs. Unbelievably Calm Goatee Man in Khaki Pants. Who wins?

Like Goatee Man, have patience. Video doesn't really get good until about 2:16.

Don't cops have better things to do than break kids arms "like twigs" because they're, OH MY GOD, skateboarding? This whole scene is modern day Over The Edge-ism. I really don't understand it.

I'm not sure what this thing is, or how much it costs, but I'm pretty sure it'd be better than this dumpy used office chair I'm planted in right now...

I think a turkey is like a monkey. You should never ever look it right in the eye...

Dear Mr. Hat, you have the coolest hair in the world, sorry, in the universe, and I just wanted you to know that I'm your #1 fan. Love, Kelly O