Dennis Dale's daughter purchased the right for him to post on Slog for a week through our annual holiday auction Strangercrombie, which this year benefited neglected children and the homeless. More info about our charity auction here. The views expressed in Dale's editorials on Slog are his alone and have not been edited based on ideology.

No one opens up when you scream and shout,
But it's time to make a couple things clear
—LCD Soundsystem, "Home"

Well, I had planned a great big F-U post to finish out the week, but frankly I'm tired and have grown fond of everyone here. So one more short post on a wholly non-controversial subject, as you've requested. Sorry if I've tended to indulge myself—but hey, give a guy a megaphone, what do you expect? Thanks to the great people at The Stranger, particularly a certain editor who must have seriously pissed somebody off to draw the Dennis detail and probably was every bit as appalled as you by what she had to read (no "didn't read it but it still sucks" for her). In all seriousness, it's been great, if sometimes perverse, fun. One last boast, in good fun—whoever wins next year, I guarantee you won't remember a word. Below the fold.

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Hey there, Slog commenter! Do you have your Strangercrombie Donor badge yet? Canuck does!

Today is your last chance to get a badge that will remain on your profile until Strangercrombie 2011 kicks off next December. Here are some Strangercrombie donor badge Fun Factz™:

A donor badge automatically makes even your most dickish, ad hominem comments appear compassionate and charitable!

Whichever gender you prefer finds Strangercrombie badges to be completely irresistible.

And as previously stated, badges provide your comments with 79% more legitimacy.

Plus more! It's just science, people!

All you have to do is donate $20 or more to PayPal and send a copy of your receipt to strangercrombie@thestranger.com with your commenter name. We are giving out badges until 5 pm today. After that, you will not be able to get a badge until next year. And did we mention it's for two great causes? It's true! So get to clickin'.

One last time, with feeling: Strangercrombie: Once a year, we do something good™.

• ...And to all, a goodzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Thank you for making Strangercrombie 2010 such a great success! You raised tens of thousands of dollars for two great local charities, and you bought a buttload of sex toys*, celebrity encounters, hot dates, and one-of-a-kind items to make it happen!

Big thanks, of course, to the businesses and creative folks who donated to Strangercrombie. I hope you'll give them your business—they deserve it.

Thanks to Kelly O, who did such a fine job art-directing David Belisle's Night Before Strangercrombie photo shoot. Nancy Hartunian coordinated this monster with her usual good humor and eerie sense of calm. Marty Griswold and our entire sales team rustled up virtually everything in the catalog out of thin air in a very bad economy, the web team dragged the fine art of charity auctioneering boldly into the future, and the editorial staff wrote up the catalog text eagerly and without complaint. They are all fucking champs.

But most of all, thanks to all of you. Every year, Stranger readers and staffers get together and show that we're not just an angry band of complainers and ne'er-do-wells. And it never fails: Every year, I'm blown away by your kindness and generosity. We're a community that gets good shit done. I'm proud of all of you, and I couldn't be more pleased to be a part of the extended Stranger family.

If you didn't win your auction, I'd like to gently remind you that you can still donate to Strangercrombie via our PayPal button. That will stay open through 5 pm Friday; if you give $20 or more to get your very own much-coveted Strangercrombie Donor 2010 badge.

Good work, everyone. You made Seattle a better place today.

* Actually, you bought way more sex toys than a single butt could stand at once.

Ten minutes until Strangercrombie closes! Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod! Lube up your bidding fingers and start to pushin'!

• Click to enlarge

Every inch of the paper is for sale, including Savage Love (and Savage Lovecast and a HUMP!-y dinner with Dan), a restaurant review, a news story, a music profile, and a day of ad-bombing all of Slog. That's right—we sold your eyeball impressions!

Just think about what you could do with a platform like this; you could make us look like (even bigger) idiots (than we usually are)! And all for the cut-rate price of...well, they're sold separately, so get in there and bid!

There's just a half hour left!

• David Belisle

Where else can you get a Ping-Pong package that includes your own paddles—hand carved to your specifications, and an entire tournament named after you? Who else will give you a Dungeons & Dragons session with the sexiest Dungeon Master in the world? What other auction gives you a chance to have drinks with the mayor? Can you find another place that will ensure you will get your 3,000- to 6,500-word short story edited down into a 200- to 500-word short story by Stranger cover boy Tao Lin? If you can, buy it there! If you can't buy it at Strangercrombie!

A bunch of mind-blowing items are going for bargain-basement prices right now, including an underground art tour from hot young art thing No Touching Ground, a political planning session with dreamy Joe Fitzgibbon, a dinner cooked just for you by Ethan Stowell, a gumbo dinner with lion of Seattle poetry Ed Skoog, and a consultation with superstar anonymous literary agent's assistant The Rejectionist!

All this plus the proverbial more! Go! Bid! Buy! You only have an hour left, people!

• Christopher Daniel

And if you know anything about DESC, you believe in them, too. They help the homeless of Seattle who have fallen through all the safety nets—the unrepentant drunks, the severely mentally ill—and they don't just help them by providing one hot meal and a cot for one night. They provide care on a long-term basis, and they teach the forgotten class how to reclaim their dignity and their humanity.

You don't need me to tell you that it's tough out there. We all know it. But the shittiest part of all this is that the people who are suffering the most are the people who have the least. DESC is facing some egregious budget cuts, and it's going to be up to us—up to all of us, as a community—to help them keep doing their brilliant work. As plainly as possible, what DESC does is help the people nobody else cares about; 2,000 of them a day. Show them that you care by bidding on Strangercrombie items and by donating through the Paypal link on our Strangercrombie page; you'll be glad you did.

Strangercrombie: Once a year, we do something good™.

Then think about what Childhaven does. It takes children who have often only known a world of cruelty and it offers them kindness and teaches them that violence and neglect isn't the only way. When I wrote Childhaven up for the paper, I saw that in action. Imagine a roomful of babies who are being shown that they have every right to be loved. A roomful of children who, in a very methodical, intentional way, are being taught that abuse and neglect is not all this world has to give them.

Childhaven does more than that. They teach parents who have hurt or ignored their children—parents who themselves were likely adorable children who were abused or neglected—how to break that cycle. Nobody sets out to become a bad parent, but we can only raise children with the skills and experiences that we have. Childhaven does important work by teaching these parents a new way to love their children.

That—not the sleazy sexy pictures, not the cool celebrity dinners and swag—is why it's important that you give to Strangercrombie this year. That's why, if you don't have enough cash to win an auction, you should give what you can to the PayPal button on our Strangercrombie page. Because when you give to Childhaven, you're not just helping that beautiful child up there to the left. You're ensuring that future generations of beautiful children never have to experience the pain that this child did.

Strangercrombie: Once a year we do something good™.

Now's the time! Go! Bid! Buy!

Strangercrombie 2010 ends in 9 HOURS. You have until 5 pm TODAY to get in on this shit, dudes!

• DAVID BELISLE

For all you wine and cheese lovers, how about a wine and cheese party thrown in your own home for you and nine of your friends! Sheri LaVigne of the Calf & Kid and Peter Moore of Poco Wine Room will come to your house and serve you up the tasting party of a lifetime. Delicious! And it's sure to buy you a few friends, too!

For all you lady lovers, the Burning Heart Burlesque is waiting to give you a night filled with gorgeous women! You and nine of your friends will receive VIP treatment for the BHB show at Motor (shows every third Thursday), and to top of off, you'll also get some surprised gifts. SURPRISE GIFTS! Bid now!

And NOTHING can beat the feeling you'll get when you hear a song that's written all about you. Two local bands have stepped up and offered their services this year—Pillow Army and Exohoxo will write an original song for the winner of their respective auctions about whatever the winner (YOU!) chooses!

Remember: All proceeds are going straight to two really great charities—Childhaven and Downtown Emergency Service Center (you can read The Stranger's profile of these organizations here).

The auction ends today! At 5 pm! GO! BID! BUY!

Strangercrombie: Once a year we do something good™.

Browse Strangercrombie, why don't you? Browse it! You'll find things like the optimistically named "Taking Nirvana Back from the Masses" package. (Going for $162.50! I didn't realize obscurity could buy them back so cheap!)

And the ten tickets to HUMP! (no lines, no hassle) are going for a mere $315! That's just $10 over the ticket price to breeze right through the door. Do you have any idea what kinds of things—filthy, dirty things—people would do for that privilege? You want NINE people in your eternal debt? (If you know what I'm saying.) That's got to be worth more than $10 per—ahem—head.

Derek Erdman's offer to write and record a revenge-rap against the person of your choice is at just $31 right now. Stupid cheap!

(Speaking of stupid, I am amazed that a date with me [plus a bunch of theater tickets] is currently outselling a date with Wendell fucking Berry [plus a bunch of lecture tickets]! IN YOUR FACE, you distinguished old environmentalist/poet! The people have spoken! All the Guggenheim Awards in the world can't rig the outcome of Strangercrombie!)

And remember, you can buy these things for other people. Do you know someone who'd like the privilege of commissioning a revenge rap? OF COURSE you do. And it's all for charity!

Strangercrombie: Get on it!

• Photo by David Belisle
• You will feel good, and you can rest, once you check out Strangercrombie this year.

Last year's dinner for four couples at the home of leading art dealer Greg Kucera was a total hit, I heard afterward. You do want to be on this guest list. It's basically a museum visit, with a dinner and sparkling conversation, too:

Thinking about starting to buy art? Already collecting? Just want to get a peek inside the house of Seattle's original power dealer (a very friendly fellow who happens to set a mean table)? Well, his table seats 12 and his walls are covered with an amazing collection...And make sure you sneak away to glimpse the nudes in the back bathroom.

Then there's the bride package. Obviously it won't work for everyone. But good lord, if you intend to be a bride, male or female, this is a serious bonanza, and at the moment it's going for nickels.

Have you ever considered, while listening to KEXP, just what Riz Rollins can do for you? His mixes are legendary. And he's willing to make one for you, 80 minutes long, according to your taste, totally customized.

You like film better than music? Take over Central Cinema with 20 of your friends.

For one night only, you will light up Central Cinema's giant screen with the film of your choice (pending acquisition of rights by Central Cinema) and pack your 20 dearest friends into the theater's comfy benches to watch it, all for free!

Or hell, browse the whole auction on your own good time—today or tomorrow afternoon until 5. It really is a good cause, and great stuff.

Strangercrombie: Once a Year, We Do Something Good.

• DAVID BELISLE

Now, with all of the bad news coming out of Pioneer Square, here is a way you can show that bad news means nothing to you. It's a package for grub in the oldie and gloud part of town. You get 25 vouchers for free döner kebab sandwiches at the Berliner Döner Kebab, a 6-BuiltPack at BuiltBurger, and $50 to spend at F.X. McRory's. Also in this package is one hour of tattoo time at Hidden Hand Tattoo. Even I didn't know you could eat a tattoo.

First of all, let's all take a moment to look at this dude's butt!

• David Belisle

This dude's butt is not for sale at Strangercrombie (we do not sell people, you barbarian!). HOWEVER, there are plenty of other roundy lumps of happiness for you to bid on between now and this Wednesday December 15th at 5 pm, when the auction closes.

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• David Belisle
• Chicken fried steak.

I know it's hard to see past the breasts, but breasts are an impractical holiday gift for most people (think of the awkward wrapping job). Now imagine: You could give the gift of chicken fried steak or Harbor Island Hash to someone you love (perhaps yourself), once a month, every month, for a year, with this weekend brunch package at West Seattle's Skylark Cafe and Club. Good for 12 free brunch entrees (excludes drinks and tip).

Here's their full brunch menu. Now go bid!

• David Belisle & Kelly O

Attention citizens: You have just a handful of days remaining to take part in this year's Strangercrombie Holiday Auction, which wraps up at 5 pm this coming Wednesday, December 15.

In case you don't already know, Strangercrombie is our annual cavalcade of one-of-a-kind gifts, which we auction off to raise money for exceedingly worthy causes. Some examples of the awesomeness:

*Vegetable Lover's Package!
Get healthy in the New Year with a gift from Lucky Palate Vegetarian Meal Service, which will get you at least six vegetarian and/or vegan dishes delivered to your home. For a night you feel like going out, enjoy $25 worth of vegan eats at Loving Hut. Work off all that food with 30 days of unlimited Bikram yoga at SweatBox (see www.sweatboxyoga.com for schedule), and since a little indulgence never hurt anyone, we'll throw in a little something from Coopers Brewery.

*Meat Lover's Package!
Do you have a hankering for meat that no mere panderingly named pizza can satisfy? Then this is the package for you. You get bacon socks and meat socks from the Sock Monster (made of cotton, not actual meat); a vintage mink-fur hat, a muskrat pelt, a ram's horn, and deer antlers from No Parking on Pike; a Bacon Lover's Ultimate Gift Pack from J&D's Foods (includes multiple flavors of Bacon Salt, one bag each of Regular and Cheddar BaconPOP, Bacon Lip Balm, Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes, one jar of Baconnaise, and J&D's Country Style Bacon Gravy Mix); and dinner for four at Smith (including two appetizers, four entrées, dessert, and two bottles of wine), plus YOUR OWN TAXIDERMIED PHEASANT. If that doesn't get you hate-fucked by the nubiles from PETA, nothing will!

*HUMP! Lover's Package!
The winner of this auction gets a row of 10 seats at HUMP! 2011. No waiting in line—just come on in and prepare to witness a whole lot of homegrown fuckin'.

Find the whole avalanche of gift packages here and get to bidding. You've got a scant four days and a few hours left!

Strangercrombie: Once a year, we do something good™.

You cannot get this guy on the left:

• David Belisle and Kelly O

I've tethered him to my desk and he's mine now.

But the bounty of Scrangercrombie has so much to offer that hasn't been tied down. You can bid on and purchase—to help Childhaven and Downtown Emergency Service Center—the cover of the paper. It's all yours, you get to decide what people see on buses (within legal limits) right over here. Or you can buy a story in The Stranger's news section.

Or, or, or! If those sound too nice, you can post on Slog for a week (emotionally fragile types may want to skip this one). You could have a pizza party at Big Mario's with socialite Dave Meinert and King County executive Dow Constantine. Or get drinks with Mayor Mike McGinn.

BUT THIS IS THE BEST ONE: An 80-minute mix tape just for you by DJ Riz. Holy fucking shit.