Read the title of this post again! There is still time for you to help make this year's Strangercrombie auction truly incredible.

If you own (or work for) a business that produces goods or services Stranger readers would want, send an e-mail to us.

If you have something neat in your home that you've thought about donating to charity, send an e-mail to us.

If you know someone who could donate something awesome for Strangercrombie, tell them to send an e-mail to us.

We can't guarantee we'll take everything for our auction, but every little bit helps.

Do you have some sort of neat talent, object, or otherwise valuable product you'd like to donate to our annual Strangercrombie auction this year? We'd love to find out what you've got! Send an e-mail to strangercrombie@thestranger.com.

This year, Strangercrombie will benefit three great charities: Country Doctor, Urban Rest Stop, and Senior Services. Our Strangercrombie elves (like Santa's elves, only with 200% more sodomy) are very busy lining up some exciting new items and packages for your bidding pleasure, but if you think you've got something that could rack up the dough for our charities, we'd love to hear from you.

If you're a masseuse or a small business owner, we'd love to hear from you. If you own a signed record or collectible book or sporty item that you'd like to go toward a good cause, we'd love to hear more about it. We might not be able to use every item, but we'd love to hear what you've got and answer questions you might have about logistics and tax deductions and the like. That's strangercrombie@thestranger.com. Thanks for your kind attention.

Sorry it's taken a little longer than I initially thought to get this together, but we are finally ready to announce the charity that will receive the 2009 Strangercrombie cash.

After we dealt with the obvious vote tampering by enthusiastic fans, three charities were at the top of the Stranger reader ballots. It was a very close race between these three.

And then we noticed that a whole bunch of Stranger readers were asking us to split the cash between several charities. Usually, we prefer that Strangercrombie makes a huge impact on one charity. But 2009 hasn't been a normal year for non-profits, and we think it would be a good idea to stretch your Strangercrombie cash as far as it can possibly go. So many charities, and so many people, are in need this year that we want to make sure as many people as possible benefit from your generous donations. So we're pleased to announce that for the first time ever, Strangercrombie will benefit three charities:

You'll be hearing a lot more about these charities—and bidding on some exciting items in their name—in the coming weeks, but let's take a moment to thank the other five charities for participating in the Slog poll. They are all worthy of your support:

Banchero

Capitol Hill Housing

Childhaven

Rise 'N' Shine

Seattle Education Access

Thanks to everyone who voted and contributed to the conversation, and congratulations to our Strangercrombie recipients.

...and so now I'm going to explain what we will be doing with the results.

As with every internet poll, there has been some vote tampering. I'm not talking about vote-once-at-work-and-then-vote-again-on-your-home-computer tampering. I'm talking 500-votes-from-the-same-IP-address-in-ten-minutes tampering. (And we understand that many people can operate computers on one IP address. But everyone, say, at your workplace is not going to vote 100 times for the same charity in the span of five minutes.)

We expect that the vote tally will probably be over a thousand votes smaller when we report the actual results, free of obvious ballot-stuffing measures. And we don't fault people for trying to tip the balance in favor of their favorite charities—it's a lot of money, and a lot of charities need the money now more than ever—but we would like the results to represent the will of all of our readers. So I'm sorry that you wasted a half an hour clearing your cookies, hitting refresh, and voting several hundred times for that charity that really helped you out when you needed it, but that's the way it's going to have to be.

We'll have the results soon.

...to vote for the charity that you think should get the Strangercrombie cash.

At noon, we will close the poll, and then we will go through the vote tallies and after we remove the obvious vote-bots and ballot-box-stuffing we will announce the winner later this afternoon.

...And you are maybe feeling a little bit tipsy, I think you are in the perfect state of mind to vote on who should get the Strangercrombie cash.

You have suggested your favorite charities in the comments and we have done the painful work of winnowing your suggestions down into eight representative charities.

For the Developmentally Disabled:

Banchero

For Housing:

Capitol Hill Housing

For the Children:

Childhaven

For Low-income Health Care:

Country Doctor

For Children, Teens, and Families with AIDS:

Rise 'n' Shine

For Education:

Seattle Education Access

For the Old People:

Senior Services

For the Homeless:

Urban Rest Stop

I hope you'll take a look at the sites and choose the charity you think is the most deserving. (Last year, Strangercrombie earned $50,000.) If you'd like to look up the charities' financial information, the State of Washington Charitable Solicitations and Trusts website is over here. Voting will continue through noon tomorrow.

As always, Slog polls are legally binding.

We got a whole bunch of great ideas, but I'd like you Monday-morning Sloggers to get involved, too. Do you want to second any of the great suggestions from Friday? Did nobody nominate your favorite charity? This comment thread is your last chance to push your nominee. We'll be having a vote on Wednesday.

Last year, we raised over 50,000 dollars for Treehouse, a charity that helps helps over 4,000 kids a year with clothing, school supplies, tutoring, and other critical services. But the big question is: Who should we give to this year? There are dozens of deserving Seattle-based charities, and after the dismal financial year that was 2009, many of them could really use Strangercrombie's hot cash injection.

We'll let you vote on the most worthy charity next week, but for right now, we'd like you to suggest your favorite Seattle charity in the comments. Who needs the cash? Let us know!

Thanks for asking! I went to a stranger's apartment armed with a six-foot bong to deliver this year's Strangercrombie-purchased annotated home viewing of Showgirls.

This isn't the first time I've had to do such a thing. In 2007, the winner of the Strangercrombie Showgirls arranged a private screening at Northwest Film Forum. Last year, the winners—a pair of Capitol Hill newlyweds—held a semi-glamorous Showgirls house party for their law-student friends. (Law students make very good movie audiences, as they are trained to notice everything.) This year, the winner was a sweet twenty-something Seattle dude who had me over to host the screening in his apartment, which was filled with his sweet twenty- and thirty-something friends.

Invariably the klutziest part of these screening parties is the transition from "fun party where everyone's drinking and chatting" to "party where everyone has to sit down, shut up, and pay attention to Showgirls." But you know what helps make that transition go smoothly? A six-foot bong, this one supplied by the good folks at Piece of Mind, around which roughly a third of the party's guests gathered for frightfully large hits prior to the commencement of Showgirls.

As for the show: As always, it was a mind-blowing delight. Nearly half of the partygoers were experiencing Showgirls for the first time, and all were properly amazed. Highlight of the evening (for me, at least): the audience member who responded to some bit of onscreen business with a real-life spit take. (Have you ever experienced a real-life spit take? I'm not talking about some fakey approximation. Anyway, it was amazing, like seeing an actual chicken actually crossing an actual road.)

And of course, the whole boob-and-bong-and-spit-soaked evening was for the kids. Thanks to last night's winner for making the whole thing possible. (And if you're simply dying to see Showgirls as soon as possible, I'm hosting a public screening next Friday at the Triple Door.)

You have less than 48 hours to go!

The Compleat McSweeney's is currently going for $306.

Hot 'n' Hairless is currently going for $127.50.

All proceeds go to Treehouse. Do it for the kids!

We made over $50,000 in December's Strangercrombie auction, but we're not quite done yet! "Hot and Hairless" and "The Compleat McSweeney's" were bought, but never paid for or claimed, so we've put them back on the market!

The Compleat McSweeney's
Every issue of McSweeney’s from the first issue to the present, courtesy of a generous Stranger reader named Uncle Vinny. The first issue is signed by Dave Eggers and the last issue is signed by Dave Eggers and the rest of the McSweeney’s staff. Containing incontrovertibly great writing by Lydia Davis, Michael Chabon, Dave Eggers, David Foster Wallace, George Saunders, Sarah Vowell, William T. Vollmann, Joyce Carol Oates, and many, many others. PRICELESS!

This is currently going for only $301! A steal, for this priceless collection. Click here to bid on the Compleat McSweeney's. (And good news for you out-of-town folks, this item includes free shipping!)

Hot 'n' Hairless
Here are three steps to a hotter you: First, get a $100 gift certificate to Wax On Spa. Then, a one-night pole-dancing workshop put on by the fine, foxy spinnerets at Pole for the Soul. Finally, Shena Lee Photography will do a full pin-up session with the new, slick, and sexy you—including styling by burlesque star Fuschia Foxxx, costumes, and coaching for poses. You’ll get photo prints and a CD of all the images for you to keep. A $400 VALUE!

This package is currently going for only $51! Unbelievable! Click here to bid on Hot 'n' Hairless!

Like all items sold during Strangercrombie, all proceeds from these auctions will go to Treehouse: "Founded in 1988 by a group of social workers frustrated by the lack of resources for kids in their care, Treehouse helps over 4,000 kids a year with clothing, school supplies, tutoring (only one-third of kids in foster care graduate from high school, and only 3 percent graduate from college), and other critical services."

Good luck to all bidders, and thanks for being a part of Strangercrombie.

The bacon bikini in this year's Ladies (and Gentlemen) of Slog Calendars.

$50 gets you either the ladies or the gents, $100 gets you the ladies AND the gents (Mr Poe! Carollani! Fnarf! Lara!).

And, since we hate disposable grocery bags (and love disposable grocery-bag-taxes that will drive poor old ladies totally, dog-food-eating broke) $20 gets you a white bag (good for carrying groceries or drugs or Maalox) with a logo that looks like this:

So far, your PayPal donations have raised over $1,500. For the children. Once more, everybody:

$20, bag.

$50, one gender to ogle.

$100, two genders to ogle.

$120, everything.

So shoot the moon! And each other! It's for the children!

Donate here!

Our Strangercrombie auction is over, but you can still give money to the good folks at Treehouse.

You can give at any amount, just by clicking this here button:

If you donate $20 or more, you can get a lovely Stranger tote bag, which looks like this:

If you donate $50 or more, you earn yourself a (different kind of) lovely Gentlemen of Slog or Ladies of Slog calendar. Twelve months of Slog craziness acted out by our attractive commenters. It is not brought to you by Rainier Beer, but it does feature Rainier Beer:

Delicious, delicious Rainier.

Mmmm...

Wait, what? Where was I? Ah, yes! Give money to foster children now, please:

And thank you.

But you can still win! Strangercrombie, our annual eBay auction for charity is over. But Strangercrombie, our PayPal sale of tote bags and calendars, continues! For just twenty bucks, placed right here:

You can get a lovely Stranger tote bag, which looks like this:

Only much bigger, and not on your screen. For fifty dollars, you can get your choice of either a Gentlemen of Slog or Ladies of Slog calendar. These are filthy reenactments of some of the great Slog Battles of Our Time, as performed by our very own sexy, sexy commenters. Lots of pit bulls eating babies, people! Also: Sexy librarians! Sexy librarians are my favorite Slog topic ever.

There are also these:

Breasts wrapped in bacon, motherfuckers!

And it's for charity! So if you don't have fifty, or even twenty, bucks, you can drop as little or as much as you can in this here Internet button:

And Seattle's foster children will thank you.

Strangercrombie. Once a year, we do something good™.

This year's Strangercrombie is OVER! All auctions are now closed and winners are being notified as we speak. Congratulations to everyone who won the auction they were bidding on, and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU so much for all your donations.

You have all donated a lot of money to Treehouse, but we're still a few grand short of where we were last year (goddamn recession). But there's still time to help! If you didn't win your auction (or if you weren't bidding, but are feeling generous), you can still donate to Treehouse via PayPal:

If you give $20, you get an awesome Stranger tote bag! And if you donate $50, you get your choice of a Gentlemen or Ladies of Slog calendar (where some of your favorite Slog commenters are wearing bacon, bathing, and doing a lot of hilarious and/or inappropriate things.

What perfect stocking stuffers!

Thank you all again, so much, for another amazing success.

...to bid on every Strangercrombie item! You can beat the vicious, sociopathic eBay snipers at their own game!

Go! Bid! Buy!

Tonight at Conor Byrne up in Ballard, there will be a release party for the Bike Girls 2009 calendar. There will be some sort of a band called Golden Robot Army. Are Golden Robot Army any good? I don't know; I am the book editor and not the music editor. There was a golden robot army in Hellboy II, and that was not a good movie. I'm willing to bet that Golden Robot Army is better than Hellboy II.

But I digress! The Bike Girls calendar is in its second year. It has sexy women on bikes. It is fun and cute. Here are some Bike Girls:

Many, if not all, of the Bike Girls will be in attendance tonight at the calendar release party. That should be reason enough to attend. But! The evening will also benefit Bike Works!, which has been "working for kids, bikes, and community in the Rainier Valley since 1996." So you get to hang out with the Bike Girls, buy their calendar, listen to music almost certainly guaranteed to be better than Hellboy II, and help a good, bike-related cause.

As they say, it doesn't get any better than that.

And if you're interested in calendars, why not buy a Gentlemen of Slog or Women of Slog calendar? For a fifty dollar donation below:

I saw mockups of the completed calendars yesterday. You will not be sorry if you buy one of these beauties, I guarantee.

Strangercrombie. Once a year, we do something good™.

...to bid on this Strangercrombie item:

B'wana Go to Africa?

Be a citizen of the world with this African safari for two. That’s six days and six nights at either the Zulu Nyala Game Lodge or Heritage Safari Lodge—both in South Africa, surrounded by cheetah, kudu, and rhino. You’ll take safari tours, go tiger fishing at Lake Jozini, shoot at clay pigeons if you like, and much more! Strap on your pith helmet and get ready to voyage to the savannahs and jungles of the awesomest continent on earth, and the land that Shaft once visited in the 1973 masterpiece Shaft in Africa.

Find other amazing bargains here.

...to bid on this Strangercrombie item:

From Washington to Washington, With Love

Few things are prettier than a Barack Obama–led Washington, D.C., in the springtime, so take a trip to the District of Columbia that will reinvigorate your belief in this great country of ours, including round-trip airfare for two, and three nights at the Fairmont Washington, D.C. Patriotism is sexy again!

Find other crazy-ass shit to bid on here.

...to bid on this Strangercrombie item:

Attention Video-Game Nerds!

There’s nothing more American than sitting on a couch and massacring faceless enemies. This package comes with two tickets to Video Games Live (an “immersive concert” of video-game soundtracks at the Paramount), a special edition Zune player loaded with tons of Gears of War 2 media and oodles of extras [note: Zune does not come with the actual game Gears of War 2], and the priceless opportunity to play video games with resident Stranger video-game nerd Sam Machkovech, who will defeat you with guile, wit, and nuclear-powered weaponry.

Find other unbelievable deals here.

...to bid on this Strangercrombie item:

Seattle Art Museum Staycation!

One of the weird downsides to living in a great city is the propensity to forget you’re living in a great city. Smash that bad habit with this awesome, artsy Seattle weekend. First, get yourself settled at the new Four Seasons Hotel, where you’ll be granted luxury accommodations for two. Then get ready for an extravagant art bath at Seattle Art Museum, where SAM’s curator of American art Patti Junker will give you a private viewing of Edward Hopper’s Women, supplying you with an autographed catalog of the show and sending you away with a limited-edition print of the Hopper painting Chop Suey. Added bonuses: Yearlong SAM membership benefits for two (including unlimited free admission and invitations to exclusive member events). Wrap up your day with complimentary dinner for two at SAM’s TASTE restaurant.

Find other killer deals here.

...to bid on this Strangercrombie item:

You Lucky Dog

The Obamas aren’t the only people getting ready for a new best friend. The centerpiece of this package is an ultramodern dog bed—leather with chrome frame, inspired by Le Corbusier—from Kasala. Plus, a smorgasbord of necessities for your new puppy from Lucky Pet Petsitting: two ceramic dog bowls, a leash, a collar, a Chuckit! toy, chow-down-able food (five cans of dog food and some dry-food sample bags), a stuffed toy, poop pickup bags and holder, puppy pads, stain and odor removers, natural shampoo, a paw towel for rainy days, a light-up safety tag, a combo brush, toothbrush and toothpaste, a “Wag More, Bark Less” sticker, an emergency “Pet in House” sticker, the book The Nature of Animal Healing, and the November issue of Whole Dog Journal. Oh, and the Bottleneck Lounge will put your pooch and your favorite cocktail as the top dog on their Hair of the Dog drink menu in the spring of 2009.

To find other amazing bargains, cast your eyes over here.