Sinclair Sexsmith interviews sex educator, author, and activist Charlie Glickman about polyamory:

What insight about polyamory/open relationships would you share with your younger self?

My partner and I have been together for over 20 years and we’ve been poly the entire time. There have been a few times that we stepped back from having other lovers because we needed some space to focus on each other. I’ve had lovers & playmates, as well a few ongoing secondary relationships. So one thing I’d tell my younger self is that things will change, and then they’ll change again. Don’t expect otherwise- there will come times when you struggle against changes that will happen anyway, and fighting them only made it harder.

Something else I’ve learned from being poly is that it requires the ability to talk about and process feelings quickly and efficiently. Of course, that skill will benefit any relationship, but when there are multiple people, each with their own needs and desires, as well as their feelings about each other, there are a lot of moving parts. If I could, I’d tell my younger self that the best way to learn how to process well would be to build social networks full of people who are dedicated to open-hearted, honest communication. Yes, therapy helped. Yes, workshops and books helped. But getting to see how other people do it and getting to practice it with lots of friends made it much easier to develop those skills in sexual/romantic relationships.

It’s also really easy to get smug about it. Being poly doesn’t make you more evolved or better than anyone else. If you think it does, you’re being a jerk. Don’t let it happen.

Yes, poly folks shouldn't be smug. But almost all of the people I hear from who believe that their preferred relationship model makes them better and more highly evolved—almost all the relationship-model smugsters I hear from—are monogamous people. I've heard a few poly folks claim to be more highly evolved, but I've never heard a poly person suggest that a monogamous commitment isn't really a commitment or that two people in a monogamous relationship don't really love each other.

The best passage in WSJ's story on Japan's "infidelity phone":

"Women may want to check my phone for strange emails or calls when I'm not around. With Fujitsu's 'privacy mode,' they can't see that information at all," he said in an email. "The key is to give off the impression that you're not locking your phone at all."

Fujitsu's "privacy mode" is a layer of nearly invisible security that hides missed calls, emails and text messages from contacts designated as private. If one of those acquaintances gets in touch, the only signal of that communication is a subtle change in the color or shape of how the battery sign or antenna bars are displayed. If ignored, the call doesn't appear in the phone log.

The changes are so subtle that it would be impossible to spot for an untrained eye.

Genius:

Via JoeMyGod.

...then he hated this conversation but it gave him a boner regardless. That's how cuckolds roll.

Marty Klein called bullshit on the concept of "sex addiction" in the July/August issue of the Humanist:

In thirty-one years as a sex therapist, marriage counselor, and psychotherapist, I’ve never seen sex addiction. I’ve heard about virtually every sexual variation, obsession, fantasy, trauma, and involvement with sex workers, but I’ve never seen sex addiction.

New patients tell me all the time how they can’t keep from doing self-destructive sexual things; still, I see no sex addiction. Instead, I see people regretting the sexual choices they make, often denying that these are decisions. I see people wanting to change, but not wanting to give up what makes them feel alive or young or loved or adequate; wanting the advantages of changing, but not wanting to give up what makes them feel they’re better or sexier or naughtier than other people. Most importantly, I see people wanting to stop doing what makes them feel powerful, attractive, or loved, but since they don’t want to stop feeling powerful, attractive or loved, they can’t seem to stop the repetitive sex clumsily designed to create those feelings.

...

Perhaps the most interesting thing about the sex addiction movement—and certainly the most telling—is that it did not arise from the field of sex therapy or any other sexuality-related field. Rather, it was started in 1983 by Patrick Carnes, whose background is in counselor education and organizational development. He claims no training in human sexuality. “Sex addiction” has been adopted enthusiastically by the addiction community, and to a lesser extent by the marriage and family profession—the latter historically undertrained and uncomfortable with sexuality. You can, for example, become a licensed marriage counselor without ever hearing the words vibrator, clitoris, spanking, tongue-kissing, or panties during your education.

Almost thirty years after its invention by Carnes, “sex addiction” is still not a popular concept in the fields of sex therapy, sex education, or sex research. Of course, the media loves it, decency groups love it, and those who identify as some other kind of addict (alcohol, food, drugs) love it, especially if they’re fans of the Twelve Steps.

The whole piece is worth your time—and Klein rightly points out that almost everyone who takes the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST), which you can find at sexhelp.com (click the “Am I a sex addict?” link), qualifies as a sex addict.

When it comes to prostitution, Africa, the darkest continent, appears to be the most puritanical continent.

Speaking of Africa...

We have received numerous reports from different people that saw the same thing in the Cape Town area last night (11 December 2012). This is the first time we have gotten so many reports on the same UFO. Below are their reports. Can you spot the similarity? All of them saw a “cloud” with a bright light behind it.

Wondering what a feminist icon living in the earlier half of the 1900′s thought about love and marriage? Look no further than the document above, a letter from Earhart to her future husband George Putnam.

You’ll remember Earhart became famous as the first female aviator to fly a solo transatlantic flight, redefining expectations of women along the way. Then, she tragically disappeared during a flight in 1937 (only to reappear in a “carefully scrubbed” and “exasperatingly dull” movie in which she was played by Hilary Swank, but that’s for another post).

Of course, we love her anyway for her courage and fierceness, and even moreso having stumbled upon this priceless prenup agreement. Reading through the document, one thing becomes very clear: this woman had a clear sense of what she wanted out of a marriage. And I find much of her marital vision compelling, even today.

Me too, Feministing!

NPR:

The nation's largest group of pediatricians is urging its members to write prescriptions in advance to enable teenagers to have fast access to the so-called morning-after birth control pill. "Emergency contraception is an important backup method for all teenagers," says a policy statement issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics. "Advanced provision increases the likelihood that teenagers will use emergency contraception when needed, reduces the time to use and does not decrease condom or other contraceptive use."

The faster you take it, the more effective the "so-called morning-after" pill is. But better than pre-prescribing it to teenagers, how about making it available over-the-counter?

My advice to the victims of this sex scandal is found in the exact way Grace Jones sings these words: "Don't cry, it's only the rhythm." Don't cry and be silent is what I have to say. But this position is not, I must admit, the very best. There is one that's even higher and more perfect than it. That position is expressed by the great American Billie Holiday in a tune she wrote called "Don't Explain"...

Quiet, don't explain
You mixed with some dame
Skip that lipstick
Don't explain

Enstarz:

Dr. Scott Broadwell planned a romantic birthday getaway in Virginia for his wife Paula Broadwell but their time there was cut short when the media revealed FBI findings of an affair between Paula and former CIA director David Petraeus.
Though Scott has made no public statement regarding the extramarital affair since it first surfaced to the public on Friday, ABC News reported that the radiologist and father of two might have a hard time forgiving his wife and moving past the whole incident.

We know the husband cannot hit her—violence is much worse than crying. So, what are the options? Talking about it? Yes, that's better than crying. But even if you express your feelings well, there is always the danger of being dragged into a dreary Strindbergian drama—shouting, slamming doors, interrogating, demanding details: "Did he fuck you in our bed? And how did he fuck you? From behind? Did it feel good? Did you like it more than when I fuck you?" This sort of thing is pointless and unproductive.

What about silence? Saying nothing? Never even giving her, the one who betrayed you, the pleasure of knowing how you feel? Need I say more? Keep silent, keep it to yourself, never let a word out, and always say to your hurt heart: This, too, shall pass.

The look of the mistress...

“Frankly my husband wasn’t really at my dinner table much of the last ten years,” [Holly Petraeus] told the [host of Where We Live].

Onion:

Nation Horrified To Learn About War In Afghanistan While Reading Up On Petraeus Sex Scandal

In the pic, the general looks like he is all in.

James Deen, "the adult industry’s biggest male star," explains his dismay over a newly passed law that requires porn stars with dicks to put a condom on those dicks while fucking on camera in Los Angeles County.

He has a point—there are already tons of safeguards in the big-time porn industry.

But the problem this law addresses isn't a problem in the sort of porn that Deen is in—porn that features "the adult industry’s biggest male star." Folks at the top of the business (the cream of the crop, if you will), they can afford to set those terms. You know, folks like Deen tend to have the leverage to require that his scenes get filmed outside of Los Angeles County. The problem is with low-rent porn that stars the amateur, semi-underground, and sometimes-poor young recruits who can't afford to set the terms of the deal. That's who this law is for.