
Last week, I slogged about the push by the American Family Association offshoot One Million Moms to get JC Penney to fire Ellen Degeneres as its spokesmodel due to her open homosexuality, and how JC Penney told the bigot moms to shove it.
During a show taping today, Ellen addressed the kerfuffle (along with the reconfirmed unconstitutionality of Prop 8) and won by a million. Enjoy.
UPDATE: The original video's been yanked, but you may see it here.
Thank you, Towleroad.
If this is true, Good E-Reader has run a hell of a scoop:
Amazon sources close to the situation have told us that the company is planning on rolling out a retail store in Seattle within the next few months. This project is a test to gauge the market and see if a chain of stores would be profitable. They intend on going with the small boutique route with the main emphasis on books from their growing line of Amazon Exclusives and selling their e-readers and tablets.
[...]
The store itself is not just selling tangible items like e-readers and tablets but also their books. Amazon recently started their own publishing division and has locked up many indie and prominent figures to write exclusively with the company. This has prompted their rivals such as Barnes and Noble and Books-A-Million to publicly proclaim they won’t touch Amazon’s physical books with a ten-foot pole. Amazon launching their own store will give customer a way to physically buy books and also sample ebooks via WIFI when they are in a physical location.
The store is reportedly going to open before Christmas, sometime after Amazon releases the Kindle Fire 2. The rumor suggests that these stores will more closely resemble Apple Stores, rather than Walmarts. This isn't the first time this rumor has come up, but it does seem likely, especially considering the way Amazon's tech side has modeled themselves after Apple in recent years. The problem with the Apple model is that it's hard to lightly stock a bookstore—you try explaining to the angry schmuck who "drove all the way in from Redmond and had to find parking" about why you don't carry the new Glenn Beck book when you do carry Nancy Pearl's Book Lust line. This is going to take some fine-tuned messaging, I think.
Earlier this week, the American Family Association group One Million Moms lashed out against JC Penney's new choice of spokesmodel:
Recently JC Penney announced that comedian Ellen Degeneres will be the company's new spokesperson. Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful.
The good news: JC Penney doesn't give a shit, and has reiterated its support of Ellen as the company's new spokesperson. Read the full Yahoo! story on the aborted brouhaha here. (You'll notice that the Yahoo! story has over 10,000 comments, and the majority of them seem to be about how unappealing Penney's new TV ad is.
So, you know that old joke about the retailer who sells items below cost, but claims he'll make it up on volume? Well, Amazon's latest earnings report is kinda like that:
Amazon.com Inc. (AMZN), the world’s largest Internet retailer, missed analysts’ fourth-quarter revenue estimates and reported a 57 percent decline in profit, dragged down by shipping costs and the money-losing Kindle Fire.
Sales rose 35 percent from the previous quarter to $17.4 billion, but that fell short of the $18.3 billion Wall Street consensus. Net income fell to $177 million, or 38 cents a share, down from $416 million and 91 cents in the year ago quarter. That actually beat analysts consensus projection of 16 cents a share.
But perhaps what most disappointed Wall Street was the soft guidance for the current quarter, which came in at between $12 billion and $13.4 billion in sales, and a possible quarterly loss, compared to the $13.4 billion to $14.9 billion analysts had been projecting. Shares fell about 10 percent in after-hours trading.
As for the Kindle, Amazon says it sold 177 percent more units than in the previous holiday quarter, but once again didn't release any actual numbers. That's a healthy increase, but I'm wondering if it's as healthy as most observers expected?
In any case, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos doesn't seem to be too worried about slim margins or quarterly results, instead choosing to sacrifice short term profits as part of a long term strategy. Time will tell.
Harvard Business Review tells us about former Apple Senior Vice President of Retail Operations and current J.C. Penney CEO Ron Johnson's attempts to rebuild the department store into something new:
... Johnson aims to create 80 to 100 highly-branded "stores within a store" (e.g. a Martha Stewart boutique). Channeling the spirit of Apple's Genius Bar, every J.C. Penney will also have a "Town Square" offering complimentary services to customers as well as promotions such as free hot dogs and ice cream in July.
The lynchpin of J.C. Penney's revitalization is a new "Fair and Square Every Day" pricing strategy. The plan stems from Johnson's realization that three-quarters of everything sold at J.C. Penney is typically sold at a 50% discount from list price. Instead of using deep discount sales to attract customers, starting this week the chain will simply offer three prices: (1) "Every Day", (2) "Month Long Value" (theme sales such as back-to-school related products in August), and (3) "Best Prices" (clearance). Prices will also now end in "0" instead of "99" and price tags will list just one price (instead of including the de rigueur "previously sold at a higher price" convention).
When I was a kid, Sears tried to do away with sales, pushing an everyday low prices angle. It was a New Coke-level disaster that lasted, if I recall correctly, much less than a year. Is this re-imagining destined for the same fate? Or is Johnson going to redesign the department store for the 21st century? Is this the first real attempt to make brick-and-mortar stores something that the internet can't replicate? It's up to you to decide, Slog!
Retailers in Virginia are pissed off about this:
After California, Texas, New York and Indiana all enacted legislation forcing Amazon to start collecting the taxes and imposed deadlines to do so, Virginia startled observers of the Amazon-tax-scofflaw issue by announcing just before Christmas that it would allow the company to skip collecting state sales tax despite having a physical presence in the state.
If they made the same deal with Walmart, there would be outrage in the streets for the government-subsidized unfair competition, but The Great Walmart in the Sky is measured on a different scale than brick-and-mortar retailers.
Daily Finance brings news that in Brookville, Ohio...
...two years ago (several months after the Great Recession officially ended), an intrepid group of entrepreneurs pooled their capital to set up a new kind of retailer by the name of "The All American Store."
The All American Store is exactly what the name implies. It's a corner retailer. A hardware store. An echo of the old general stores that used to be the mainstay of retailing in so many small towns across the land. And AAS sells American-made goods — much like the goods I argued that Sears should consider selling.
To those who say it's not possible for Sears to reinvent itself — that "Made in America" is too quaint a concept to work, or that "we don't make anything in America anymore, so how could you sell it?" — AAS has a response: Yes, we make it. Yes, we sell it. And yes, this can work.
I think all it would take is one retailer to push this nationwide to instigate serious anti-Walmart feelings in the average American. But what's the catch? Well, according to the article, while several products cost as little as 15% more than the Chinese versions Walmart sells, most of them cost 50 to 100% more. So let's pretend an All-American Store is opening in your neighborhood...
Slog tipper Joe says "I think it would be in Slog's wheelhouse to review this." The Peter Piper Pecker Puffer (link NSFW) is described as follows:
A glass dildo that is also a pipe. Let your imagination take control and bring your relationship to the next level. Measures ten inches overall, the dildo is eight inches and pipe part is two inches.
It costs 32 dollars, marked down from $42.66. If any Slog readers tries it out—hell, maybe some of you could throw in and split the costs if you're willing to, you know, share—you'll have to be sure to let us know what you think.
Sears Holdings Corp. plans to close between 100 and 120 Sears and Kmart stores after poor sales during the holidays, the most crucial time of year for retailers.
Sears was my first employer after I graduated high school. I worked on the replenishment team in the men's department, which meant my job was folding and displaying jeans. I didn't work very hard at all; the majority of the job consisted of trying to operate something called a "Gizmo," which was Sears's very first attempt at a computerized inventory management device. It was basically a super-early version of one of those scanning guns you get nowadays if you're putting together a wedding registry at a department store; you go around and scan barcodes into the machine, which then files the products into a database for easy retrieval. It did not work, and it was ridiculously expensive.
But most of the job consisted of shirking work: An hourlong coffee break in the morning, a lunch break that often stretched to a couple hours, and a huge back room full of stock that I could hide in when I didn't feel like working. It was the kind of work that Republicans think all unionized government work is like: I could foist any customer requests off to a member of the sales team, because I was strictly a stocking employee. As far as minimum wage mall jobs go, it was a dream. I can totally understand why the company is falling apart.
Booksellers Waterstone's has apologised for inappropriately promoting Adolf Hitler's book Mein Kampf as a "perfect" Christmas present.
But the UK's largest bookshop chain has denied it is attempting to bolster sales of the infamously antisemitic work, despite the JC discovering several stores deliberately and prominently displaying the book.
Staff at Waterstone's in Huddersfield used a festive point-of-sale sticker to promote the book as "the perfect present" with an accompanying personal recommendation message by a staff member trumpeting the book as "an essential read for anyone".
A manager at a bookstore I worked at once noticed that a staff member had faced out a copy of The Turner Diaries on its shelf in fiction. He asked the employee why he did it, and the employee said it was to show that we carried everything, regardless of political inclination. The manager agreed that bookstores shouldn't censor the books that they carry, but he added, "Just because we have to carry that piece of shit book doesn't mean we have to make a big fucking production over it." The book stayed on the shelf, but it stayed inconspicuous, spine-out, from that point on. That strikes me as a pretty good rule of thumb for bookstores, I think.
A lost Christmas classic "found" by local comedian Paul Merrill...
"Could you please please please mention this in the slog today?" asks a Slog tipper. "Help local artists and craftspeople pay rent!"
You work hard for that money, and you should spend it on stuff that kicks just as much ass as you do. At the Bizarre Bazaar, you’ll find uniquely bizarre wares for your holiday shopping pleasure. The Bazaar features gifts to fit many budget levels: jewelry made out of hardware, sexy men’s underwear, survival bracelets, badge bling, va-va-voom inspired flirty wear, delicious PacNW-inspired & -sourced snacks, gorgeous handmade wedding & party details, kusadama, puppet art (and/or art puppets), and very much more. Plus! A well-stocked mimosa bar and other beverage refreshments, as well as something for the holiday sweet tooth!
Parking is available on the street, or at any various neighborhood lots. (Favorite cheap one is the Seattle Central lot, at the corner of Pine & Harvard.) Also, you will not starve on Capitol Hill—grab a bite and come shop!
Bizarre Bazaar
Saturday 12/17
11 AM-4 PM
@ the Erickson Theatre, 1524 Harvard Ave. (On Capitol Hill, between Pike & Pine.)Avoid the mall! Buy local! Admission is free! Come early! Bring cash!

I'll be at the advice booth for about an hour, and my old bookselling muscles are aching for a workout. Let me help you find something for everyone on your shopping list, so you can finally know the simple joy of finishing your holiday shopping a full week before Christmas. I can make your shopping experience as painless as humanly possible, starting at 3 pm tomorrow. See you there.
Every single one of these handmade doll versions of famous female authors! Click it click it click it! Seriously, y'all. I cannot believe Phillis Wheatley. Or Sylvia Plath (pictured at the above link, not on the site anymore). The Hairpin's already having fun with Judy Blume. Omigod! I keep clicking on more of them! The Etsy shop, Uneek Doll Designs (I am ignoring that spelling with all my might), is getting all this blog press for the author dolls, but LOOK! Carmen Miranda. My productivity for today may be ruined, but your Christmas is set. Don't even look elsewhere. You're welcome.
H/t to the entire lady-internet.
Galleycat reported this morning that Senator Olympia Snowe called on Amazon.com to cancel their price-check app promotion. Snowe, a Republican from Maine, published a comment on her site just before the promotion took place on Saturday the 10th:
Amazon's promotion - paying consumers to visit small businesses and leave empty-handed - is an attack on Main Street businesses that employ workers in our communities. Small businesses are fighting everyday to compete with giant retailers, such as Amazon, and incentivizing consumers to spy on local shops is a bridge too far...I urge Amazon to cancel its planned promotion, and look for ways to partner with Main Street, not promote anti-competitive behavior that could shutter the doors of America's small businesses.
This price check app promotion got Amazon more bad mainstream press than anything in recent memory. (Even the 1984 Kindle messup mostly simmered on literary blogs.) Between their fight against state taxes and this, they're starting to get on the testy sides of some prominent people. If I were Amazon, I'd be doing some unambiguously good things before the tide of public opinion turns against the public, but then, Amazon has never given much of a shit about the perception of their company, anyway.
Go here to read more about the woman caught making meth inside of an Oklahoma Walmart.
Remember when I said that Amazon.com's Flow app was "about as close as Amazon can legally come to stealing from small businesses, taking advantage of their high overhead by treating them as product showrooms without giving them a cent of subsidy" about a month ago? I was wrong. They can get closer:
Apparently concerned that it's not already doing enough to undermine local physical retailers across the country, Amazon.com announced it will pay customers $5[*] to go into a local store, scan an item, walk out, and buy the same item on Amazon. Please don't do this cheap, sad thing.
To get the $5 discount, you're supposed to use Amazon's "Price Check" iPhone and Android app to scan in the bar code of an item and then indicate what price the item is being sold at. This gives Amazon valuable intelligence on how various retailers are pricing various items.
What a great idea! An online retailer convinces customers to do product research for them while simultaneously using small businesses as unpaid showrooms. Someone must have had a huge laugh in the South Lake Union conference room where that idea was brought up. Let me be clear: If you do this, you're a fucking asshole.
* Important notice: The discount is actually 5%, so it isn't really Amazon paying customers $5 unless they buy a $100 product through the app.
First, from the Wall Street Journal:
The struggles of fictional paper company Dunder Mifflin to compete with real-life office-supply chains like Staples Inc. are a running joke on NBC's "The Office." Now, an online outlet owned by Staples is using the Dunder Mifflin name to try to sell more copy paper. Staples' Quill.com has struck a licensing deal with NBC's parent company to launch a Dunder Mifflin brand. Priced largely above private-label copy paper, the Dunder Mifflin packages will be emblazoned with slogans such as "Our motto is, 'Quabity First' " and "Get Your Scrant on," well-known phrases from the comedy series.
Second, Angry Birds Fruit Gummies.
(Alright, big whoop on the Angry Birds candies, but the Dunder Mifflin paper is amazing, retroactively casting the entire run of the series as the world's most amazing product placement. Also, alert me when they manufacture the Andy-from-Parks & Recreation blowup doll.)
Here, via Mashable, is a swarm of Walmart shoppers fighting over $2 waffle makers:
This is the best day of the year!
Discuss.
First, there was a pepper-spraying at a Los Angeles Walmart. Now, an off-duty cop working security at a North Carolina Walmart pepper-sprayed a man, injuring as many as 20 shoppers:
Kinston police Sgt. Roland Davis said an off-duty officer the store had hired to help with security during Black Friday shopping used the chemical while trying to make an arrest during a disturbance.
Angel Bunting, who was shopping at the store, said a man fell into a display as people lined up for discounted cell phones. She said she believed it was an accident but security thought there was a fight.
Sideways video of the arrest is here:
Charles was right; we're just all pepper-spraying the hell out of each other nowadays.
You know all that talk about Amazon smothering their employees to the point of heat exhaustion in stifling, un-air conditioned, 100-degree-plus warehouses? Well, never mind. It turns out Jeff Bezos tries to balance things out by allegedly freezing his employees during the winter season.
Multiple warehouse workers were treated at hospitals for exposure after being outside, without coats, in temperatures below freezing for prolonged periods, including one night for about two hours, according to OSHA records.
Workers interviewed said Amazon forced them to remain huddled in the parking lot on frigid nights while many workers were wearing only shorts and T-shirts. After attendance was taken to make sure all employees evacuated, warehouse workers said they were not allowed to go to their cars to keep warm. Instead, they were instructed by warehouse managers to use one another's body heat and told that anyone caught going to their cars would be disciplined and could be terminated, workers said.
Apparently, Amazon was concerned about theft. Warehouse workers normally have to pass through metal detectors on their way out, and the false fire alarms were suspected to be a ruse to sneak merchandise out of the warehouse.
Fair enough. But that doesn't exactly give Amazon the moral or legal right to force their employees to stand outside for hours in sub-freezing temperatures, in nothing but shorts and T-shirts. On one night, according to OSHA records, six employees were treated for exposure at a local hospital. But, you know, at least nobody stole anything, so I guess the end justifies the means.
So sorry, Jeff, for accusing you of running a sweatshop. You're clearly not. At least during the winter months.
Slog tipper Ziggity sent this along: At the beginning of November, yoga sidelines manufacturer Lululemon has started printing "Who is John Galt?" on their shopping bags. Yes, because there wasn't enough Atlas Shrugged in your yoga life, Lululemon is bringing the virtue of selfishness to your mat. A Lululemon blog post explains that " lululemon’s founder, Chip Wilson, first read [Atlas Shrugged] when he was eighteen years old working away from home. Only later, looking back, did he realize the impact the book’s ideology had on his quest to elevate the world from mediocrity to greatness (it is not coincidental that this is lululemon’s company vision)." In his defense, I think guys named Chip are forcibly issued Ayn Rand's collected works when they turn 18. It goes on:
Many of us choose mediocrity without even realizing it. We think we “have” to do things or “aren’t able” to do what we want. We create rules and experience fear when we dream of a life we love. Why do we do this? Because our society encourages mediocrity. It is easier to be mediocre than to be great.
...
Our bags are visual reminders for ourselves to live a life we love and conquer the epidemic of mediocrity. We all have a John Galt inside of us, cheering us on. How are we going to live lives we love?
The comment section is feisty, with claims that liberals "drool over Marx books." But Ziggity puts it best: "Yes, Bellevue moms, the sweat of your brow belongs to you alone! (Unless you're a 12-year-old Chinese girl with good stitching skills.)"
Starting today, Apple Store managers will have to undergo euphemistically-titled "union awareness" training, to learn about attempts by employees to unionize.
I underwent union awareness training twice—once at Borders, and once during my awful month at Walmart. In my long, awkward career as a retail employee, those union awareness training videos (at Walmart) and meetings (at Borders) were the most awkward part of those experiences. The videos sucked because poorly paid actors in Walmart outfits were reading a dumb script about how evil unions were and I was paid Colorado's minimum wage (I think it was $4.25 at the time—Colorado is a work-for hire state) to sit in a room and watch it. The meetings sucked because the lame-ass manager Ann Arbor had sent to get my store on track kept talking about all the things he wasn't allowed to say to us. (It's been a long time, but I recall him saying a number of variations of this statement: "I can't legally tell you to not vote to form a union, but if I could legally tell you not to form a union, I'd say you should take a look at the other Borders stores that unionized. Because if you did that, you'd see it doesn't help your salaries and they take dues out of your check, so you wind up making even less. But I can't legally talk about that, so I won't.") It was weaselly, nasty, and dumb.
So, you know, way to go, Apple! You're joining a mighty firmament of corporations that have mistreated and misled their retail employees. Heaven forbid those people representing you to the public every day should try to use collective bargaining to make their jobs a little more profitable and comfortable. Good to see you're dead-set on treating your ground-level employees like shit. I bet your anti-union videos will be really aesthetically pleasing, at least.
The dog was winding around and through the legs of roughly a hundred people who had gathered at Elliott Bay to celebrate the midnight release of Haruki Murakami's new novel, 1Q84. They browsed the stacks, killing time. Some of them were on dates with people who did not appreciate hanging out in a bookstore at midnight. A few other folks were giddy; some of them had had a few drinks. Customers were frantically filling out trivia forms; the questions ranged from the simple ("The title 1Q84 just might be an allusion to the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four by which writer?") to the difficult ("Which three stories in [Murakami's first short story collection] Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman were originally published in 1984?").
Finally, at midnight, the winners of the trivia contest were announced: Three people had tied for first prize, with eleven out of twenty correct answers each. One of the winners couldn't restrain herself; she issued a joyous yelp. They each won an autographed copy of 1Q84. (Murakami's signature looks sketchy, but somehow precise. The characters float above each other in loosely arranged constellations. Find photos of the signature and the night in a slideshow over here.) Seven more copies were raffled off, and then everyone formed a polite line and picked up their unsigned copies. Several people openly grumbled about the dust jacket of the book. As part of his striking design—the book really does look like an event, with a 2001-like stately buildup to the first few pages of text—Chip Kidd chose to make the dust jacket out of a tracing-paper-like material that crumpled easily and didn't want to hold the shape of the thick book. It will be hard to find mint first editions of 1Q84 in a few years. (I wonder how those complainers will feel when they get home and find the glaring typo on the very first page of the book. That's a disappointing stumble at the beginning of a long journey.) Elliott Bay sold about ninety copies. The store was almost empty by quarter after midnight. Murakami's fiction has been known to overtly affect the dreams of his readers; lots of people were going to be sharing the same psychic space that night. Which brings me to my next point:
Citing rising costs, Wal-Mart, the nation’s largest private employer, told its employees this week that all future part-time employees who work less than 24 hours a week on average will no longer qualify for any of the company’s health insurance plans.
In addition, any new employees who average 24 hours to 33 hours a week will no longer be able to include a spouse as part of their health care plan, although children can still be covered.
So what is the Republican response to this? The market, with all its wisdom and compassion, clearly isn't providing health care coverage to its workers anymore, because health care costs are out of control. Are Republicans going to say that if Walmart just didn't have to pay to meet those pesky safety and environmental regulations, they'd be able to provide quality health care for all their employees? That's basically what every single Republican presidential candidate is saying. and it's total fucking bullshit. Government has to do something about health care costs, because even the precious, all-knowing market can't afford them.
Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn (and his iPhone) stopped by University Village this morning to celebrate the grand opening of the new Microsoft Store. Watch as McGinn explains why nobody camping outside the Microsoft Store was arrested.
As always, please excuse the crappy videography; my cameraman was drunk. On the other hand, there's no excuse for McGinn's nervous laugh.
In short, it was the bestest thing ever. Editing video now. Stay tuned.