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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Next week, Barack Obama will be saved from the dastardly Chameleon by Spider-Man in a special inaugural edition of The Amazing Spider-Man. It will be a five-page backup story. It will be embarrassing to read, as most appearances of real-life people in superhero comic books usually are (except for when David Letterman was in The Avengers, which was super hott). It will also be a tremendously popular issue of the comic book, selling out in comic book stores all across the country. This will be because people will think the comic book will be valuable one day. The comic book will never be valuable, unless you could coerce Barack Obama into signing the thing. The end, spoiler warning off. Here is the cover, with a lame joke that doesn't really make sense if you think about it for a second or two:

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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Games / Nerd Rochambeau A-Go-Go

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Jan 7 at 5:22 PM

Some friends and I play rock-paper-scissors (a.k.a. rochambeau) a whole lot, and the other day I mentioned that I'd read in a magazine a quote from a TV show that referred to an expanded RPS game. The TV show was "The Big Bang Theory," but that show didn't create the expanded RPS game. It's been around for years, and it's Rock Paper Scissors Spock Lizard. Here's an illustration:

"Paper disproves Spock" is brilliant. But, when I was doing research, I discovered that someone else has created a rochambeau game that includes 7, 9, 11, 15, and even 25 symbols. Here's a part of the 25-symbol rock-paper-scissors, which they sell as a poster:

But 25 wasn't enough, so they created a 101-gesture RPS game:

You can buy that in poster form here. There's no real reason for me to share this information with you at this particular time, I just think it's super-cool.

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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Visual Art / Nerd Re: Speaking of Tasty Toast

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Wed, Dec 31 at 5:10 PM

That is not toast art, Megan.

This is toast art:

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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Nerd Aquaman, Aquaman, Does Whatever an Aqua Can

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 30 at 3:02 PM

Ah, the Internet. Apparently, 80'sTees.com posted a pre-order listing for an Aquaman hoodie. Someone ordered the hoodie, but a few days later, the item disappeared from the website. Not one to give in, the hoodie buyer asked the folks at 80'sTees why they pulled the hoodie. They said they didn't have enough pre-orders to warrant making the hoodie. The buyer asked how many buyers they'd need to make it profitable enough. They said 200.

So that was the beginning of an internet crusade. And now 202 people have pre-ordered the Aquaman hoodie, which means it will be made. Joy! The only problem is that this is the Aquaman hoodie people were fighting so hard for:

This is really unfortunate. You really shouldn't buy any hoodie with abs printed on it. That said, this is an inspiring story of consumers getting what they want. I bet in two years, it'll be a movie starring Jack Black as the ardent internet nerd out to get his hoodie.

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Film / Nerd Not Watching the Watchmen

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 30 at 11:16 AM

Watchman down! Watchman down!

The upcoming Warner Brothers' Watchmen movie might be postponed due to a lawsuit by Fox:

In a defiant statement issued Monday, Warners said it was prepared to go to trial or to appeal last week's U.S. District Court ruling that the studio had infringed on Fox's copyright in making the adaptation of the Alan Moore superhero graphic novel.

"We respectfully but vigorously disagree with the court's ruling and are exploring all of our appellate options," the studio said. "We continue to believe that Fox's claims have no merit and that we will ultimately prevail, whether at trial or in the Court of Appeals."

Fox, meanwhile, is looking for an injunction against the March 6, 2009, release of the movie.

The outraged fans, terrified that they might have to wait to see the Watchmen film, are talking about boycotting Fox:

"I solemnly swear: if Watchmen ends up on the list of great movies that almost made it, I will be leading the charge to make Fox PAY. I will slam every one of the crap movies and TV shows they put out, and use every bit of my blogger-power (it’s about 3/4 as potent as flower-power) to downright brainwash every suggestible reader into boycotting any movie released by 20th Century Fox until Watchmen sees the light of day. (Sorry Wolvy, you’ll be my first victim. Just to let these stuffed-suits know I ain’t playing!) Fox will come to learn the TRUE meaning of the word “backfire,” and I think I speak for a great many Watchmen fans when I say that."

It's the end of the entertainment world as we know it.

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Nerd This Is Sure to Be Great

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Dec 23 at 3:28 PM

Los Angeles (E! Online) — A long time from now, in a galaxy far, far away...the Star Wars money machine will still be cranking.

Not content with seven feature films or myriad TV spinoffs ranging from the current Clone Wars cartoon series to the dreaded Star Wars Holiday Special, the Jedi masterminds are readying a stage show.

George Lucas has signed off on Star Wars: A Musical Journey, a two-hour live musical event featuring a Stormtrooper kick line and singing Wookiees John Williams' Oscar-winning score.

How much money does George fucking Lucas really need?

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Monday, December 22, 2008

Film / Nerd That's a Lot of Goddamned Work

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Dec 22 at 4:06 PM

Someone made a Thundercats movie trailer by digitally painting over a whole bunch of other movie footage trailers to create a cast of Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman, Vin Diesel, and Garfield from the hit animated movie Garfield.

I used to think that a Thundercats movie would be a horrible idea. Now I know a Thundercats movie would be a horrible idea.

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Nerd Here's Your Christmas Nerd

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Dec 22 at 3:49 PM

It's not an internets Christmas until someone hauls out a gingerbread AT-AT Walker:

(Via Geekologie. The light-up gingerbread man is pretty cool, too.)

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Friday, December 19, 2008

TV / Homo / Nerd Blood and Fire

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Dec 19 at 11:11 AM

I know I've been posting a lot of Star Trek stuff this week, but I think you'll agree that this merits attention:

Years ago, the author of the classic Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles" wrote an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation with gay themes. Titled "Blood and Fire," that episode, unsurprisingly, was killed by Paramount. Now, he's retooled it into an episode for Star Trek: Phase II, a web series that's intended to be the fourth season of the original series. It includes something called "Bloodworms" and it features Captain Kirk's gay nephew.

It's sad that the successor to the series that featured American television's first interracial kiss didn't have the cojones to run an episode dealing with homosexuality—or even (gasp!) maybe include a gay character—but it's good to know that Gene Roddenberry okayed the script way back in the day.

Too bad the clip from Phase II looks painfully bad. But you can decide for yourself: the first half of the episode goes live tomorrow.

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Nerd Majel Barrett Roddenberry

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Dec 18 at 3:50 PM

Gene Roddenberry's widow and Star Trek's first lady died of lukemia at 76. She was best known as Nurse Chapel, unless you're a Next Generation freak, in which case, she was best known as Lwaxana Troi. She will appear as the voice of The Enterprise in the upcoming Star Trek movie.

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Monday, December 8, 2008

Books / Nerd Forrest J. Ackerman

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Dec 8 at 1:07 PM

The undisputed world's biggest fan of horror, fantasy, and science fiction died over the weekend at 92 years of age.

Ackerman might have created the term "sci-fi." His house, which was stuffed with memorabilia, was a kind of Nerd Mecca for decades. Here is Forrest Ackerman being menaced by the Flaming Carrot:

You sure can't say he didn't have fun.

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Friday, November 28, 2008

Nerd / Books Spoiler Warning

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Nov 28 at 3:10 PM

Apparently, in the comic books, Batman is...

Continue reading "Spoiler Warning" »

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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Teh Internets / Nerd These Are Awesome Cartoons

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Nov 26 at 11:35 AM

After yesterday's sucktacular Donald Duck cartoon fiasco, it's heartening to note that Metafilter directs us to a site where you can download all the great old Max Fleischer Superman cartoons.

These are some fine little adventure cartoons, and the rotoscoping—basically tracing film to make a cartoon more three dimensional—blew away just about all the other animation that was being produced at the time. And the art deco design is lovely.

Of course, there are some issues. These cartoons were produced in the '40s, and so though Lois Lane is a pretty kick-ass dame, there are some kidnapping situations and a few offhanded comments about women that will make feminists a little squinchy. And the episode titled—ahem— Japoteurs features some nasty caricatures that were commonplace at the time. Most of the bargain DVDs that have collected these cartoons didn't include Japoteurs for just that reason.

My personal favorite cartoons are The Mechanical Monsters, where Superman fights giant robots that transform into aeroplanes, and The Mad Scientist, in which Superman stops a death laser beam by punching it back to its source and causing a massive explosion. The little vulture sidekick in that one is pretty cute, too. And they're free! Download them to your iPod for the next time you fly and wonder why movie studios can't seem to make a great Superman movie to save their lives.

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Nerd I Swear, This Is the Last One I'll Post

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Nov 20 at 6:14 PM

Another new Star Trek trailer mashup:

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Nerd / Film Star Trek 90210

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Nov 19 at 4:42 PM

Via my new favorite love-to-hate Republiblog, Dirty Harry's Place ("a conservative look at film, punk"):

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Books / Nerd / TV We Can Rebuild It. We Have the Technology.

Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Nov 19 at 3:03 PM

Slog Tipper Brinsonian directs us to the BBC Archive Project, in which a couple of BBC surveyors examine whether or not the network should look into producing a science fiction drama. This is the report that eventually led to Dr. Who. What's remarkable is how cool and sociological the survey is. Some observations: "SF is overwhelmingly American in bulk," "SF ideas are short winded," "Characterisation is equally spare. People are representative, not individual," "It doesn't appeal much to women and largely finds its public in the technically minded younger groups."

"KLIK!-WILL-YOU-READ-SCIENCE-FICTION-NOW-THAT-I-HAVE-TAKEN-YOU-SHOE-SHOPPING?-KLIK!"

Brinsonian prefers this bit of literary criticism, about what they determine to be a subgenre of SF called "Threat and Disaster:"

"Two exceptions to 'Threat and Disaster' are Arthur Clarke and C.S. Lewis. The latter we think is clumsy and and old-fashioned in his use of the SF apparatus, there is a sense of condescension in his tone, and his special religious preoccupations are boring and platitudinous."

I am completely charmed by these reports.

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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Nerd Sure to Make Nerds Feel Old

Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Nov 18 at 5:34 PM

Neil Gaiman recently celebrated the 20th anniversary of the first publication of his Sandman comic book. I think I just heard my knuckles creak as I typed that last sentence.

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Nerd / Film When Is Paste Pot Pete Gonna Get His Own Movie?

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Tue, Nov 18 at 11:01 AM

Denofgeek.com has compiled an absurd list of the 75 (!!!) comic and comic-related movies slated for the next three years.

Obviously, not all of these are going to hit theaters—seriously, the chances of a Namor, Shang-Chi, Jonah Hex or Ramayan 3392 A.D movie getting made are pretty low—but If you're a gigantic nerd like me (or Paul Constant!) it's worth a look, if only to find out little bits of info like the fact that a film version of Greg Rucka's Whiteout is apparently in the can—starring Kate Beckinsale?! who knew?—and floating around in release-schedule hell.

In other nerd news, AICN apparently confirms that Watchmen's squiddy will not, in fact, be in the film. Horseshit.

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Monday, November 17, 2008

Nerd / Film Warning!

Posted by Jonathan Golob on Mon, Nov 17 at 8:10 PM

This second trailer has me concerned. Mightily concerned.

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Friday, November 14, 2008

Nerd Fanboy Friday II: Fanboy With a Vengeance

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Fri, Nov 14 at 3:35 PM

Our new president is a comic nerd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the Daily Telegraph's list of 50 things you might not know about Barack Obama:

He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics

(Note: Paul Constant believes the President-elect USED to be a comic nerd and that this is all some big misunderstanding blah blah blah. I think Paul Constant hates it when I'm happy.)

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Nerd Fanboy Friday

Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Fri, Nov 14 at 12:28 PM

So here's the new Watchmen trailer. Watch it. I'll wait.

Finished? OK.

I've got a baaaaaaaaaaad feeling about this. I've watched the trailer twice now and while I'm a little less troubled by Rorschach sounding like Harvey Fierstein-with-Laryngitis voice, the wooden delivery of the handful of lines in the trailer has me crapping my pants in fanboy terror. Ugh.

Also this:

has me convinced that the (SPOILERISH WARNING) that the ending has, in fact, been changed.

I want my squid monster, dammit!

Must. Contain. Nerd. Rage.

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Nerd I Know Zoos Are Theaters of Torture or Whatever

Posted by Lindy West on Fri, Nov 14 at 10:09 AM

But the baby ocelot kittens at the Woodland Park Zoo are almost six weeks old and soon it will be the time for us to GO LOOK AT THEM! With our eyeballs!!!!!

For now, please enjoy the baby ocelot kittens' film debut, entitled Stay In the Box, Goddamnit:

BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS BABY KITTENS

FUUUUUCK!

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Film / Nerd Behold...

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Nov 13 at 10:56 AM

...J.J. Abrams' Star Trek movie's Enterprise:

Well, it certainly, um, looks Enterprise-y, all right. Apparently, a trailer for the new Star Trek movie will show before The Quantum of Solace, which opens tomorrow. I am eagerly awaiting to see how the new Kirk acts. My hopes are moderately high.

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Nerd / Retail iPhone 95

Posted by Jonathan Golob on Wed, Nov 12 at 4:53 PM

The iPhone crashes. A lot.

Calls drop all the time. Safari, the Apple web browser, crashes continually. Woe on you if you navigate a partially-loaded page (fed up with the abysmally slow AT&T network). The mail app creaks when opening, often leaving you with a blank white unresponsive screen. The SMS program occasionally refuses to open.

Owning an iPhone—even the second-generation iPhone—is much like fighting through Internet Explorer 5 or Netscape 3.0 on Windows '95. When it works, you get a clear sense that this is the new way of doing things. Through the grime of incompetent implementation can be seen glances of what could, and likely will, be.

But holy shit, man. For the first time in a decade, I have to periodically shutdown and reboot a computing device in order to keep it working. What?! This is the era of protected memory spaces, of preemptive multitasking, of garbage collecting programming languages. The rats nest of memory leaks, of shuddering freezes and race conditions underlying the gloss, is totally inexcusable. How come nobody talks about this?

Apple justifies their aggressive control of their products—refusing to allow third party hardware manufacturers, third-party web, mail or SMS apps on the iPhone—by claiming this control makes sure things "just work." Apple, things aren't just working.

I can't say I regret my purchase. The iPhone—and particularly Safari—have changed how I interact with the Internet and organize myself. That browser is incredible. But I'd suggest people take a long and hard look at Google's android platform-based phones. Not everyone enjoys reliving the Windows 95 era.

Good thing I didn't try posting this from my iPhone—gotta go reboot the thing again.

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Thursday, November 6, 2008

2008 / Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz / Nerd Solving the WASL Questions of Doom

Posted by Jonathan Golob on Thu, Nov 6 at 6:58 PM

Winding down--still at work--from my day, I decided to solve the WASL questions of doom.

Question 1:
The easiest was the Tom, Dick and Harry one.

Harry, earning more than the manager, cannot be the manager, nor the teller (that earns the least.) Therefore Harry is the Cashier.

Tom cannot be the teller, as he has a sister. Since Harry is the Cashier, that makes Tom the manager.

Dick is the teller by default. Sucks to be him, being poorest paid.

Total Time: 2 minutes, using a neato match-chart.

Question 2:
65 sides, by my calculation.

5 on each short side x two short sides = 10
25 on each long side x two long sides = 50
5 on the top x 1 top = 5

Total = 65

I did this by making a little engineering plan style drawing.

Total time: 2 min.

Question 3:
This fucking compactor/cube problem was the worst.

x is the edge size of the older compactor, and y is the edge size of the newer compactor.

We're told x > y and x and y are integers.

The volume of each cube is x^3 and y^3.

Each cube has twelve edges, so the total length of all the edges on both cubes is 12x + 12y.

Some asshole observed the following:
x3 + y3 = 12x + 12y

I spent much misery in algebra, attempting to get this down to something edible. My misery was unconstrained.

Among many others, I can make it all of the following:
x(x2 -12) + y(y2 -12) = 0

x3 / (x+y) + y3 / (x+y) = 12

and my personal favorite manipulation:

x4 + y4 + x^3y + xy3 -12 = 0

at this point, I became stuck, and brute forced it. (I have a feeling the last equation above is readily solvable. I got fed up, and realized that there aren't that many integral candidates that even potentially would work.)

x = 4, y = 2 satisfies the initial equation.
4^3 + 2^3 = 12(4+2)
64 + 8 = 72 = 12*6

Total time? 30 fucking minutes.

Who the fuck "notices... that the combined volumes of one cube from each compactor was numerically the same as the combined length of all their edges." I work in a lab, a real scientific lab, and can guarantee such a situation never happens. Nor will it ever happen. I mean, really, this has no business being a word problem. Fucking stupid. I'm glad she lost.

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