From the electronic mailbag:
Please tell me there will be another Halloween Smash Putt at the creepy old INS bldg again this year? I haven't seen anything about it. If not, I don't think it is hyperbole to say that would be tragic. Boo.
Smash Putt replies!
We are presently scurrying around looking for a suitable building!
Most likely we will be hitting mid Nov with our Smash Putt goodness! We decided to move it back deeper into winter in large part due to the late summer. We see the role of Smash Putt as a much needed antidote to Seattle winter blues!
We will let you know as soon as we get a lease signed!
From the electronic mailbag:
A. Birch Steen, Sir...
I accompanyed my GrandDaughter to Seattle to begin her first term at the University of Washington, and I am astounded at the beauty of this place. However, when I chanced upon the current issue [the Back to School Guide] of your consumer publication I was incensed at the lame-brain, adolescent, prurient contrivances of several of your staff (journalists?)—West, Frizelle [sic], Clement [or this, perhaps?], and Kiley in particular... Do any of these scribblers have a Daughter or GrandDaughter that they (you) would sober-mindedly share this inappropriate schlock with? Get a life, Stranger! Grow up...or get off the stage——you're polluting the MindSpace...A
Birch, of course, has already weighed in.
Are you antisemetic [sic] or just stupid?
WTF? Did you really schedule your School Board debate for the first night of Rosh Hashana? Yup, you did. You must figure that Jews don't care about education. OK, you can go back to sleep now. Actually, I am hurt and disappointed. Every freaking calander [sic] has the Jewish High Holidays on it. And you guys claim to be hip, multicultural and "aware?" Ha.
To answer your question: both. As a descendant from a huge Jewish family killed in the Holocaust—save for my grandmother and her sister, who was rescued from a concentration camp—and a Catholic mother, I exist in a synergy of guilt. Sin, sanctimony, circumstance, and virtually any suggestion of shortcoming only serves to resonate with my hereditary sense of inadequacy. This manifests in moments of grand stupidity and self-loathing, which, per my genes, must be a form of antisemitism. It's a closed circuit of self-loathing!
In response to your astute observation—"You must figure that Jews don't care about education"—when scheduling the event at Town Hall, we did know it was the first day of Rosh Hashana. Conspiring with colleagues Elijah Sanders and David Goldstein, we saw this as an inroad for our imminent War on Hanukkah, and we were redoubled in our chutzpah by the fact that September 28 was the best day for our newspaper's schedule and for the venue.
Having lived in California where liquor is completely privatized, I know from experience that Initiative 1183 is a horrible idea. In CA there are drunk idiots everywhere and many of them are underage. Empty liquor bottles litter the streets and sirens are heard non-stop. Privatization has led to a nightmare situation there and has contributed to CA becoming the police state that it is today. I hope Washingtonians are smart enough not to go down that road too. We let the state control liquor here for a reason. I really hope we don't find out the hard way what that reason is. Vote no on 1183!
Private sales of wine and beer—two products that aren't consumed by kids, don't come in bottles and cans littered on the streets, and are never associated with drunken idiocy—isn't a problem though, right?
I trust The Stranger to get it right when it comes to issues in the city. In your series on bikes this week you mostly do so….mentioning the true cost of the auto infrastructure and calling for more space for people and bikes.
My problem is that you just can’t resist calling it a “war between cyclists and cars.” I realize that you have a lot of framing, clothing and tickets to sell and like any commercial rag must therefore sensationalize stories to do so. But in this case you may tip the scales towards violence with your rhetoric. Many borderline narcissists, losers with no life and a big SUV to make them feel some power, even for a moment, may tip into full blown sociopathic behavior.
Can you describe it any other way? A person willing to kill or maim an innocent person because they are delayed for a few seconds is way beyond mere narcissism, and should be treated accordingly.
From the electronic mailbag:
I put large signs about The Skillet Diner in my window.
I live above them. They have been unreasonably loud ever since their launch, especially outside of their operating hours. Garbage/janitor carts rolling up and down the sidewalk, music playing loudly after
business hours with their doors and windows open, night staff yelling at 4AM or the daily 6AM deliveries on hydraulic hand carts that sound like robots fucking. They have made small concessions over time, but
they are only interested in doing the absolute bare minimum necessary to avoid lease violations.
People should know that The Skillet is just another typical American business whose concern for its surroundings are only feigned in the interest of their bottom line. As a resident in this neighborhood, I
shouldn't have to do anything this crazy to get the same common fucking courtesy that I give to everyone else as a healthy member of society. Legal or not, I don't just do whatever I want if I think it will really bother someone, because I'M NOT A FUCKING ASSHOLE. Drunk people screaming while they stumble up Union doesn't wake me up, but The Skillet does. As far as I can tell, they don't give a fuck, so fuck them.
The rest of Mr. Joel Day's email—and Skillet Diner's response—after the jump.
I have been an avid reader of The Stranger for years. I lived through your endorsement of Mayor McGinn—for which you later acknowledged your mistake—but your recommendation to vote NO on the TUNNEL is the last straw. I will no longer read your newspaper and I will suggest the same to my friends.
Sorry that you're out of straws. I recommend sipping directly from the glass. I'm also sorry that our surprise endorsement to "reject" the tunnel is driving you to never read The Stranger ever again. Really, who could see that one coming? It shocked all of our readers.
Anyway, Ron, it's been nice having you around. We'll always have an extra straw—for a camel's back or a breakfast beer—if you need one.
that showed up with this accompanying it in the envelope?
A reader writes today, July 9, with this question:
Are there any Easter egg hunts for adults in Seattle that you know of?
See the first reader letter sent to the rifle/columnist after the jump.
This flyer just came in the mail:
End homelessness! Maybe by the end of June! It's literally impossible, but we hear this kind of message a lot. Is this talking point useful? Like, are more folks willing to help reduce homelessness if they somehow believe they're ending it completely?
It's not like that other Hempfest—where people smoke pot. From the mail bag:
Tacoma Hempfest is scheduled June 25 at Wright Park. We are significantly different from Seattle Hempfest as we are a family friendly, free speech event, that emphasizes the ubiquitous nature of cannabis throughout society. As a non-smoking event, we of course choose to deemphasize the “4:20 Toke-fest” label choosing instead last year to make a plea for a moratorium of specious prosecution. This year we will emphasize a peace on the war on drugs moment choosing to be mindful of the cost and collateral damage in the war on drugs.
There will also be a ban on punctuation.
A sensible plea from a concerned parent, submitted to I, Anonymous:
It is true that I could have used a nicer tone. And I understand that you want to be a good corporate, minimum-wage making schmuck. I get it. You are doing your job, and so I don’t object when you tried to supersize my daughter as she purchased a small coke and popcorn at your theater. We have prepared her for this, and she politely told you no. All is good.
But this is what I don’t get. You then try appealing to me, her parent, in your effort to persuade my daughter that more must mean better. That although the small popcorn and coke already contain more than ½ the calories that she will need for the entire day, she was being foolish for not spending the extra 25 cents to get even more of that greasy popcorn and sugar water you call food. Do you really expect that any semi-sensible parent would support you in that undertaking? That we would want to encourage our children to develop those habits that will inevitably lead them to becoming obese. At least with this, I suspect you won’t make the same mistake twice.
To all the popcorn-scooping and sugar-water dispensing jockeys out there, I am not asking you to be a superhero. I am not asking that you defy the Man or anything so banal. I’m just asking that you consider foregoing the hard sell when the customer is a child. No one will be the wiser and you will have done a small but nonetheless good deed for the day.
So reads the subject of the email from Slog Tipper Tia, who writes, "I'm a long time reader and an infrequent Slog commenter and I never thought I'd have a personal connection to a Slog story. It's terrible. Thank you for raising awareness."
Oh, dear—artist talks can go south in a million different ways. SAM member Patricia Churchhill sent this pissed-off email about last night's talk with artist Nick Cave and Cynthia Rowley. She's right that some artists are better off not talking. Cave—my recent podcast here—was neither great nor terrible when I talked to him. It sounds like the uncomfortable presence of money and luxury in art and fashion came up—but not quite up enough.
I knew we were in trouble when the moderator didn’t know how to pronounce Schiaparelli. Confimation came with the inane slide show of celebrities, (exactly what did Liza Minelli have to do with it),
which was suppose to substantiate the importance of cross-pollinization between the art and fashion worlds.
Two strikes could possibly have been forgiven as small town Seattle introduces the main event: a discussion between Nick Cave and Cynthia Rowley. One hoped the two of them had some relationship, some history, something to say about each other’s work. Yeah, one could hope. These two people had virtually nothing to say to each other or to us.
The most substantive sense was that they spend their energies trying to market stuff no one needs. How about a sticker book for $34.00. How are those selling??? Or maybe Cynthia Rowley candy????
Finally, the moderator irritated everyone who had paid $10 or more a head and made an effort to get to the museum, (on a night when the galleries where the fabulous Nick Cave exhibit could not be seen — great planning), by saying that, really, we couldn’t hold up Nick and Cynthia because they had to get to the airport. As if they were doing us all a great favor by submitting to our attention.
Sometimes the artist needs to let their work speak for himself and stay out of sight. I had waited to see Nick Cave the night of the REmix party and gave up after twenty minutes in the hot crowded gallery. Maybe he was better solo, but maybe he was even more arrogant. This was an embarrassing non-event for the museum. Next time just have a reception for the donors and leave me out of it.
A member of SAM,
This just in! Unfortunately, it looks like we're in for five more years of The Sorcery War. Thanks a lot, Obama.
[all sic] New threat comes to Dan Akroyd, from the Skulls and Crossbones sorcery gang out of Yale University: who has reported to being working with Bill Gates of MIcrosoft in these threats of cancers and heart attacks. Reports also teach that Bill Gates and members of their gang, paid Obama 100 million dollars to keep The Sorcery War going until the 2016 presidency for which Bill Gates would like to run for. Dan Akroyd, was threatened do to defending himself from this sorcery gang. This gang, is reported to murdering Micheal Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, Cory Haim, Manut Bol, Britney Murphy, Leslie Neilson, Tony Curtis, Patrick Swayze and more using sorcery sickness attacks.
Dear A. Birch,
Spotlight Media Relations is pleased to announce we are now working with Gene Juarez Salons and Spas.
As a member of the Seattle media, we would like to invite you to come into one of our salon locations —including our popular Downtown, University Village and Bellevue locations - meet our talented staff, and receive a free salon treatment of your choice.
In addition, we hope you’ll keep Gene Juarez Salons in mind anytime you need a beauty expert for an interview, or are interested in doing a beauty or makeover story. For example, Guy Lacey is a great resource on just about any hair or beauty topic.
I just got this voice mail:
Hi. Here’s a message for your political people. On April 1, 2011, April Fool’s Day, there is going to be a massive don’t-show-up-for-work day. Nobody is going to work. And we are going to block the streets. We are going to take our cars, we are going to block streets—nothing is going to happen. We are going to block trains; we are going to block everything. Nothing is going to happen. We are going to shut this country down until it realizes that we are the people, you know. Hey, yeah, the people. Yeah. Get ready. April 1. April Fool’s. Day. Ha Ha! My name is Calamity. Calamity. You can call me if you want. [Doesn’t leave phone number.]
Just thought you all would want to know.
Following up on this, I presume:
Well you goddm no good lousy fucking FAGGOT cocksucker you put my name in your fucking paper and now I get threat. Ok, well see you have just violated a NEW law along with CUKING FUCKING DICK FESES FACE but all is good its all good. I got to make a few phone call but well' see after that dont worry muh nigga its all good NOT!!!!!!!!!
(However, I'm happy to see the return of "NOT!")
A reader writes (sic throughout):
I am new to Seattle and Cap Hill and am wondering- do you faggots have nicknames for your "Gay Mafia" like the real Mafia does? I mean, is there like a "Timmy the Cocksucker" and Freddie the Pedo-Lester? How about AIDS ASs Bobby or Gaping Rectum Ronny??
Listen to me you fuck- when I talked to my real estate agent abotut my condo, they didn't say nothing about all these faggots up here and I guess you have to "play the game" and you fucks have your own AIDS infected hell holes like that fucking place by te six Arms where all you can smell is cum in the streets. This is a public health Violation! I am already contacting a lawyer and its one thing to be gay, nobofy gives a FUCK what you fucking faggots do in your PRIVACY OF OWN HOME WITH DOORS LOCKED AND WINDOWS DRAWN but in the streets it is againt the LAW! I hapen to know people who will be hearing about this, not including you you fucking dooooooosh bag. Eat sit and die motherfucker, I hope you all get the AIDS!!!!
Anyone who'd care to answer the letter-writer's question about gay mafia monikers or anything else may reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
And lo, unto many in-boxes at The Stranger came this e-mail message:
I 'd like to make an inquiry regarding the New American Standard Bibles. Please get back to me and advice pricing as soon as possible.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
From the e-mailbag:
Subject: I will hit your car
Dear Seattle Drivers,
If you speed up and your car is mere inches from my knees, trust me, I will knee your car. If you try to fly through a crosswalk I'm about to step into and you then stop in front of me to look both ways, whatever's in my hand is going to meet your car's side door, trunk, what have you. You do not have the right of way, and if more people started walking the streets armed with pedestrian-protection devices, you might think twice before putting our lives in danger. You see a pedestrian, you stop. You can wait the extra 10 seconds. We however, may not survive your impatience.
Aggravated SeaTown Pedestrian
We get fewer letters to the editor than we used to, now that you can comment on just about anything on our website, but a steady supply of old-fashioned correspondence still streams in, and sometimes it's fun to dip in and see what's up.
Remember the old tale (from your much hated Bible) about Sodom & Gomorrah?
We can now safely call it Seattle & Tacoma. What a Utopian world it would be for you left-wing fanatics at "the Stranger" if all the country was bowing down subserviently to homosexuals, apostates, and evolutionists. Unfortunately for you, most people in this country are completely against your new world order which embodies chaos & anarchy. Thus creating a world view which is feebly esoteric and confined to the boundaries of the northwest. You wouldn't like it in the southeast, trust me.
As your publicized diatribes spew forth platitudes of how the Christians are overbearing, intrusive people, you in turn create hypocrasy by hatred of God and veritable persecution of any moral individual. As you push the envelope for acceptance of homosexuals/lesbians you alienate & castigate srtraight people.
A voicemail just now:
"Hi, Dominic. I have a subject you may be interested in writing an article about. It involves Jesus, why he was holy, why he was clean. His main advantage over other babies at that time was that he was clean—clean because of the gold and clean because of the incense that was given to Mary by the priests or kings or whatever you want to call them. She was able, with the gold, to get babysitters..." and DELETE!
We're getting letters like...
slog background. Tattoos. Whaat??
why are you letting someone anonymously fuck up the aesthetics of slog?
well other than the cash, of course
you can do more complicated/site-integrated advertising but you gotta do it right. hate to say it, but go look at how the various gawker media sites create whole new site templates for ads and they pull it off really well.
tip: slog looks like shit right now
tip #2: i have no idea who captain red rectangle and grey circle is and i don't plan on finding out anytime soon by clicking on any of that crap that is fucking up my like #3 time waster at work
but that's just like my opinion, man
I was as confused as anyone, but then I remembered—oh yeah, it's that Strangercrombie thing. According to our advertising department, a local guy bought this item—Ad Bomb the Hell Out of Slog for one day—because he wanted the world to see this design of his that has personal meaning to him. He's not trying to sell anything or get out any message.
It's true that we did it for the cash, but for what it's worth we didn't keep any of it: All the cash he paid to put his art up on Slog today went to charity.
Editor, Seattle Stranger,
The shootings in Tucson are a dramatic reminder that we are one of the world’s most violent societies. Violence governs our foreign relations, our sports and video games, and our daily diet.
Yes, our diet. Desensitization to violence begins in the home, when parents assure their naturally inquisitive, animal-loving children that chickens "give" eggs, cows "give" milk, and that pigs "give" their flesh for us to eat. The horrific daily violence and barbaric slaughter visited on these innocent animals and subsidized by us at the checkout counter gets buried in our subconscious mind.
Once our kids have learned to live with the violence of their diet, how much of a stretch is it to while away their idle hours on video games like "Mortal Kombat," "Manhunt," or "Grand Theft Auto?" How likely is this experience then to govern how they resolve a social confrontation in their neighborhood or a military one in an Afghan village?
Most of us abhor violence, but we don’t know how to prevent it.
Giving our kids an honest answer when they ask "Mommy, where do hamburgers come from?" is certainly a great start.
The note inside after the jump.