It was easy to spot the Russian Community Center on 19th from a few blocks down the street—light from an open door illuminated groups of people entering and leaving Balkan Night Northwest. As we got closer, it became apparent that these people were sweaty and alive, many taking a break from the frantic dancing inside. I overheard a conversation that last year's attendance was so overwhelming that it spilled out onto the street. This year, an extra day has been added to accommodate the crowd. Just then we saw somebody we knew. "It's so fun in there," he said. "All of that dancing is exhausting."
Did you know Line Out has a semi-regular karaoke column? Now you do! Everyone's a Star, by longtime karaoke host Patrick Marr. Here's the newest installment...
All the time, people are coming up to me and saying, "Hey, Patrick! Is it possible to get laid using karaoke?" Well, sure it is! People get laid all the time singing karaoke songs! Probably! Nothing says "I am possibly interested in lowering my sexual standards by up to 80 percent tonight!" like listening to people sing songs they didn't write! And drinking!
The trick is to know what song to sing, and so I've prepared, with only the filthiest modicum of thought and experience, the following guide. Here is what you can expect when you sing the listed songs:
"Jack & Diane" by John Cougar Mellencamp Handjob.
"All Star" by Smashmouth Clumsy handjob.
"Refrain, Audacious Tar" by Gilbert and Sullivan Hookjob.
"What's Up?" by 4 Non Blondes Five drops of dishwasher soap in the washing machine can help get the patchouli out of your sheets. LINE DRY ONLY!
It's been a long week, guys. So I'm just getting around to posting about the Mountain Goats. SUE ME! I don't even have crazy gossip, I just wanted to say WOW and YAY. Because holy poo, that was a great show.
It is really, really hard for me to watch people look bored while being paid money to sing onstage. I just want to be like, "YOUR JOB IS SINGING SONGS! The [figurative] lottery! You won it!" If you're not actually into music (or joy), you should probably get a different job, like frowning at the post office or looking poetically uninterested at Ross Dress for Less. (Those are not real jobs. If you like frowning and hate people, you should be a private-contract, freelance, work-at-home frowner/annoyed-sigher on the side and then just do your other job kind of nicely if other humans have to interact with you. We're all just trying to get along!).
That doesn't mean it's silly/wrong to be serious, or honestly sad, or screamingly angry. Or try what John Darnielle did on Monday…