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Monday, May 21, 2012

Horrors Distorto Face Celebrities

Posted by Grant Brissey on Mon, May 21, 2012 at 5:28 PM

WHAT THE FUCK.

If you're one of the 186,000 + people who have seen this, TOUGH SHIT. I don't even know if it's already been on Slog or not.

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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Horrors / History Would You Like to Look at Some Gigantic Photos of the Hindenburg?

Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Tue, May 8, 2012 at 11:34 AM

The 75th anniversary of the disaster was two days ago.

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Friday, May 4, 2012

Horrors / Religion / LGBTQITSLFA Confidential to NOM's Brian Brown: You're On, Motherfucker

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, May 4, 2012 at 2:02 PM

I will name the time and the place, per your offer, as soon as possible. Looking forward to it, NOMnuts.

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Thursday, May 3, 2012

Horrors / Religion / LGBTQITSLFA Dan Savage SAVAGES the Pope!

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, May 3, 2012 at 1:56 PM

These are the comments that have had the Catholic League spitting out deranged press releases for two days. ZOMG! Dan Savage said those things about that pope that Dan Savage has said before! The same things he's said on his podcast more than once! Things that he's more than happy to post to his own blog!

Here are the comments the pope made that I'm taking to their logical conclusion. And for those of you keeping score at home: it's not hate speech when pope claims that my marriage somehow constitutes a threat to the survival of humanity but it is hate speech when I tell an overwhelmingly straight and overwhelmingly Christian audience that the pope is being a ridiculous old queen.

See how that works? The pope can say anything he wants because FAITH! And I can't defend myself because FAITH! It's a neat trick: we can beat you up all we want and you aren't allowed to defend yourself.

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Monday, March 26, 2012

Horrors / Teh Internets Hashtags from the End of Humanity

Posted by David Schmader on Mon, Mar 26, 2012 at 12:10 PM

Exhibit A: All the tech-savvy youth inspired to parade their racism by The Hunger Games' (textually appropriate) use of black actors in key parts. One example among the many collected at the Tumblr Hunger Games Tweets:

As Dodai Stewart at Jezebel writes, "The posts go on and on and on. It's not just a coupe of tweets, it's not just a coincidence. There's an underlying rage, coming out as overt prejudice and plain old racism. Sternberg is called a "black bitch," a "nigger" and one person writes that though he pictured Rue with "darker skin," he "didn't really take it all the way to black." It's as if that is the worst possible thing a person could be."

And as the owner of the Tumblr writes:

All these… people… read the Hunger Games. Clearly, they all fell in love with and cared about Rue. Though what they really fell in love with was an image of Rue that they'd created in their minds. A girl that they knew they could love and adore and mourn at the thought of knowing that she's been brutally killed. And then the casting is revealed (or they go see the movie) and they're shocked to see that Rue is black....These people are MAD that the girl that they cried over while reading the book was "some black girl" all along. So now they're angry. Wasted tears, wasted emotions. It's sad to think that had they known that she was black all along, there would have been [no] sorrow or sadness over her death.

Compounding the horror and further justifying my post title is Exhibit B: All the tech-savvy youth inspired to pre-bash their unborn gay chidren via the hashtag #tomyunbornchild.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Horrors Dirty Footlong

Posted by Dominic Holden on Wed, Mar 21, 2012 at 11:41 AM

Don't click "Continue reading" unless you want to see something NSFW, which means "Not Safe For Work," in case you're the last person on the planet to see that initialism. I just don't want any accidental viewings of this—again, totally NSFW—object laying on the sidewalk at 12th and Pine across the street from the police station. Just laying there like this:

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Friday, March 16, 2012

Horrors Today In 10-Year Olds Wearing Tiny Evening Gowns On The Beach

Posted by Grant Brissey on Fri, Mar 16, 2012 at 2:04 PM

ACK! Paging David Schmader.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Horrors Not a Movie—But Might Be: Pauly Shore Missing in the Congo?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Mar 13, 2012 at 1:28 PM

You know I don't have a lot of faith in a story when I start with two disclaimers, and yet? Here we go. DISCLAIMER ONE: The following story comes courtesy of Senegal Press, via the even sketchier Global Associated News. DISCLAIMER TWO: This would be just like Pauly Shore to stage a stunt like this. All that being said... PANIC!!! PAULY SHORE (In the Army Now, Bio-Dome, Son in Law, "Unruly Bar Patron" in Beverly Hills, 90210) IS LOST IN THE CONGO!!

Actor Pauly Shore is reported to be missing in the Yangadou Rainforest in the Republic Of Congo. The actor was in the remote area filming an action / adventure film titled 'Mother Africa'.
Following a dispute with the director of the film, he stormed away from the secure compound into the rainforest. At the time of print, the actor has been missing for approximately 24 hours. A search and rescue helicopter has been dispatched to the area in addition to ground teams canvasing the jungle.

The article's author tacks on a little info about the area where Shore is allegedly lost, and I have to tell you, if true, things aren't looking good for the Weez.

About the Yangadou Rainforest: The dense and often inaccessible Yangadou Rainforest is located approximately 100km SE of neighboring Cameroon in the often inhospitable Congo. The area is also home to a rebel group known as the Lord"s Resistance Army (LRA) know to carry out deadly attacks in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). The group continues to abduct children to use as soldiers in its ranks, and United Nations aid workers reported in recent incidents.

Gulp! Send your good thoughts and prayers to Pauly Shore in the comments below!

Hat tips to Scrappers!

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2012 / Horrors / Politics Obama's Poll Numbers Head South

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Mar 13, 2012 at 10:06 AM

Eep:

At a time of rising gas prices, heightened talk of war with Iran and setbacks in Afghanistan, Mr. Obama’s approval rating dropped substantially in recent weeks, the poll found, with 41 percent of respondents expressing approval of the job he is doing and 47 percent saying they disapprove—a dangerous position for any incumbent seeking re-election.... In a hypothetical matchup against his most likely Republican opponent, Mitt Romney, Mr. Obama had a 47 percent to 44 percent advantage, a statistical dead heat given the poll’s margin of sampling error of 3 percentage points. Against Rick Santorum, the president drew 48 percent compared with 44 percent. In both cases, the difference between the candidates was slightly smaller than it was last month.

Sullivan:

All I can say is that, whether this is a blip or related to something real, we live in a country where Obama polls just a few points higher than Rick Santorum as a potential president.

But, hey, if Santorum does become president... we can drown our sorrows in santorum.

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Monday, March 5, 2012

Horrors Was This Handheld Cooler Found Behind the Crescent on Saturday Night Full of Blood

Posted by Grant Brissey on Mon, Mar 5, 2012 at 12:39 PM

or just “corn syrup and food coloring”? Click here to judge for yourself.*

Do not click there if the sight of a lot of what may or may not be a lot of blood will gross you out.

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Monday, February 20, 2012

2012 / Horrors / Fashion Santorum: The Nail Polish

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 11:03 AM

Slog Tipper Tom says, "The internet is a race, and I'm slow, but in the event you don't know about this..."

Santorum nail polish. It's brown. And on Amazon.

The company's called ManGlaze (and the nail polish is "made by undocumented extraterrestrial lifeforms somewhere North of Mexico")—take their asshole test!

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Horrors Seattle's Worst Cultural Export in Years to Perform for Obama Today

Posted by Grant Brissey on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 11:07 AM

Guess who it is and then click here.

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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Horrors / Film This Week's Concessions: Lindy West Vs. 3-D Jar Jar Binks!

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 3:31 PM

In this week's Concessions 90210, Lindy revisits the about-to-be-rereleased-in-3D Star Wars: Episode 1—The Phantom Menace and is shocked by what she finds:

If you're like me, you probably haven't watched Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace since its original release in 1999, because you've had literally anything else to do. And you probably think, in your hazy hindsight, that it's just "not that good" or "pretty bad" or some other relatively gentle descriptor that lets George Lucas off the hook for being an affably clumsy old billionaire man-frog. However, having recently rewatched Phantom Menace to prepare for its upcoming 3-D rerelease (do you like the Star Wars prequels but just wish you could also have a headache???), allow me to say this: HOOOOOO MY GOD FUCK US ALL BECAUSE THIS MOVIE GOT BIT BY A RADIOACTIVE GARBAGE AND IT IS A FUCKING MONSTERPIECE THEATER THAT TRANSCENDS BAD AND GOOD-BAD TO COME BACK AGAIN TO BAD AND REDEFINE COMEDY ITSELF. Seriously. Seriously. Drinking game: Take a shot every time something hella dumb happens and/or every time Jar Jar Binks makes you want to personally send tear-soaked reparations to 110 percent of the black people on earth. Oops, sorry about how you're dead now (alcohol poiz).

Read the whole thing here.

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Horrors / City Watching Seattle Crawl Up Its Own Asshole of Public Process and Die There

Posted by Cienna Madrid on Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 7:37 AM

4/5 of OPARB, looking totally engaged as the meeting begins.

The Stranger
4/5 of OPARB, looking totally engaged as the meeting begins.

Last night's public meeting, hosted by Seattle’s Office of Professional Accountability Review Board (OPARB) at Seattle University, was billed as an "open discussion" to ease tensions between the Seattle Police Department and communities of color, led by Dr. Jay Rothman, a blazer-and-mock-turtleneck-wearing "expert" in conflict resolution.

And clearly, its 100-plus attendees had high hopes: Before the meeting, small groups of people traded war stories about the Seattle Police Department, discussed concerns about what happens next with the Department of Justice (DOJ) investigation and what its findings mean for people of color, and expressed frustrations with OPARB, the civilian office in charge of reviewing the quality and efficacy of the police department's Office of Professional Accountability—which in turn reviews and investigates allegations of police misconduct (in other words, the watchdog's watchdog*).

City council member Bruce Harrell further drummed up people's expectations as the meeting began. "There are no taboo subjects here tonight," Harrell said. "I want you to ask the tough questions. I want to know: Does OPARB have the kind of street cred you’d like them to have? Do they effectively review the OPA or have they gotten off the path of true accountability?"

And the he handed over the microphone to our expert facilitator, Dr. Rothman, and everything promptly went to shit.

*Because Seattle loves its watchdogs smothered in extra process.

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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Horrors / ??!! / Media / Celeb / Film / Fashion Do They Actually Never Learn?

Posted by Anna Minard on Tue, Jan 31, 2012 at 12:12 PM

Or are they pretty much cool with being annually called out on their racism? Or do they just do it for the free publicity? (If that's the case, sorry for contributing.)

Once again, Vanity Fair's big ol' "The Newest/Coolest/Freshest/Hottest People You Should Look At Right Now" cover, which is almost always a fold-out, puts all the people of color on the folded part that you can't see on newsstands. AGAIN. Jezebel breaks down their history of it, with photographic evidence:

In 2008, it was Zoë Saldana and America Ferrera.
...
2005: Rosario Dawson, Ziyi Zhang and Kerry Washington, on the right and not the left.
2004: Salma Hayek and Lucy Liu, on the right and not the left power panel.
...
In 2001, no black ladies were pushed aside because no black ladies were photographed!

But it's so, so worth the outrage to see those 1995 and 1996 covers, right? (No, seriously, go look.)

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Monday, January 23, 2012

Bikes / Horrors Dear Conscientious Bicyclists

Posted by David Schmader on Mon, Jan 23, 2012 at 8:33 AM

If you ever get pulled over for a traffic violation, don't try to flee on foot.
But if you do flee, take care not to touch yourself anywhere near your waistband.
You've been warned.

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Friday, January 13, 2012

Horrors / Parenting Issues Monster Trucks Celebrate at the Tacoma Dome This Weekend

Posted by Kelly O on Fri, Jan 13, 2012 at 1:33 PM

From the 2012 press release:

Monster Jam is heading back to the Tacoma Dome from January 13 – 15. The engagement in 2012 will mark a special celebration as the 30th Anniversary of the monster truck icon Grave Digger® ! That celebration kicks off in Tacoma as the first stop of the West Coast tour!

I don't even have kids, but wouldn't it seem a little spooky to take your little ones to the Monster Jam at the Tacoma Dome? I mean, this just happened a couple of years ago. I guess money talks and [terrified] parents walk?

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Etiquette / Horrors / Music / Tech That Damnable I-Phone Marimba Ringtone

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Fri, Jan 13, 2012 at 8:50 AM

It echoes through the mind while reading this, whereas how many of us can instantly hear Mahler’s Ninth in our heads? (Not me.)

And an UPDATE with an explanation and apology from the front-row-seated culprit.

Thanks, Greg.
And thanks, stinkbug!

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Saturday, January 7, 2012

Comedy / Horrors / Film This Monday: A Night of Porny Goodness at Collide-O-Scope

Posted by David Schmader on Sat, Jan 7, 2012 at 1:50 PM

Collide-O-Scope is the video collage extravaganza that appears regularly at both Re-bar and Central Cinema, and this Monday's Re-bar show looks wonderful. (Preview video SFW if dildos are okay (damn you, Edward Penishands!), audio NSFW.)

I once spent an inordinate amount of time in the 1990s patching together all the non-porn scenes of the porno movie Foreskin Gump. I am very grateful that Collide-O-Scope is now doing the work for me, because non-porn porn scenes are AMAZING.

(Also, the last second of the preview video is the best.)

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Friday, January 6, 2012

Horrors / Chow Hello Kitty: The Restaurant

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 2:05 PM

With my sincerest apologies for the world in which we live: a photo series, which also includes the Hello Kitty maternity suite and theme park. Also: Hello Kitty bride and groom—you cannot unsee that.

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Friday, December 30, 2011

Animals / Horrors / Chow Mmm... Turkey!

Posted by Goldy on Fri, Dec 30, 2011 at 11:34 AM

Okay, if you love turkey, and prefer to remain blissfully ignorant of the horrors of factory farming, don't watch this video of "Butterball Abuse," shot undercover by the animal rights organization Mercy for Animals, at a Butterball "turkey semen collection facility" in Shannon, North Carolina. Warning: It's not for the squeamish.

Now, I'm not one of those animal welfare zealots who would ban all factory farming, but I do think if more people were aware of the abject suffering required to make our food so affordable, many more people would choose more humane (if less affordable) alternatives. Or, do what I do, and simply eat less meat. It would be good for the animals, good for the environment, and good for our health.

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Thursday, December 29, 2011

2012 / Horrors / Savage Love / Religion Too Funny

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Dec 29, 2011 at 6:19 PM

Someone—not me, I swear to God—created the hashtag #replaceawordinabiblicalversewithsantorum over on the Twitter machine. HA HA HA HA:

More here.

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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Horrors / TV It's a Cop Rock Christmas!

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Dec 28, 2011 at 10:41 AM

Shopping for this year's Christmas presents, I decided to buy local, and got Jake a collection of T-shirts from all his favorite Seattle bars and breweries (including Loretta's Northwesterner, Queen Anne's Streamline Tavern, and various beer-logo shirts from Georgetown Brewery.)

But for my present, Jake headed straight to the black market, and tracked down something I've wanted forever: the first and only season of 1990's Cop Rock, Steven Bochco's legendarily awful cop drama with musical numbers, handily burned onto three DVDs. (Bonus: Some episodes feature actual commercials from 1990, along with news teasers promising updates on the the war in the Gulf. History!)

But the main thing are the musical numbers, which are more terrible than you can imagine, and feature lots of good listening faces from the people who aren't singing. Here's a representatively insightful number about the scourge of child trafficking.

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Monday, December 26, 2011

Horrors / Life Don't Read This Post If You Want to Cling on to Your Holiday Cheer

Posted by Goldy on Mon, Dec 26, 2011 at 10:46 AM

It wouldn't be Christmas without the annual wave of cruelly ironic Christmas day tragedy headlines. You know, those there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I stories that bring a tear to the eye, and a sense of thankfulness at your own relative good fortune.

It's not so much irony in particular that we humans have a penchant for, but rather, patterns in general. That's kinda what consciousness is—imposing some sort of cognitive order on the world we perceive—and so we tend to see patterns and connections, even in random or coincidental events. This may just be an artifact of the way our brains work, but it's an artifact that imbues the world with a sense of meaning.

Which I guess is why the holiday tragedy is such an emotionally powerful meme:

A 9-year-old Clinton girl was killed when a tree fell on her family's Ford Explorer as they drove along Bailey Road just before 1 p.m. Sunday while on their way to a family Christmas gathering.

Acting Fire Chief Antonio Conte teared up yesterday at the scene of a house fire that killed advertising executive Madonna Badger’s three children and retired parents on Christmas morning. Badger ... lost her 10-year-old and 7-year-old twin daughters and her parents in the fire. ... In yet another cruel twist of fate, Badger’s parents, Lomer and Paula Johnson, would have celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary on December 26. Mr. Johnson, retired, had been playing Santa Claus at the Saks Fifth Avenue in Manhattan before heading to his daughter’s for the holiday.

Seven people have been found dead after being shot in a Texas apartment on Christmas day... The family was reportedly cleaning up holiday wrapping paper when a man dressed as Santa Claus fired shots.

Fear gripped Nigeria on Monday after a wave of Christmas bombings blamed on Islamists killed at least 40, including worshippers who were left begging for mercy as they exited a church.

Tragedies all. And my heart goes out to the victims and their families. But objectively, these events would have been just as tragic had they occurred any other day of the year, and without the Christmas theme. They just wouldn't be imbued with such a sense of cruel irony.

And that's the, um, ironic thing about our need to see patterns and connections in everything. On the one hand, it helps us cope by finding meaning in an otherwise meaningless and indifferent world. On the other hand, it can make coping with such tragedies all the more difficult by magnifying the sense of loss.

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Friday, December 23, 2011

Horrors "What possible reason could I have for going around killing Santa Claus?"

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Dec 23, 2011 at 12:38 PM

Move over, Silent Night, Deadly Night! Here's a fun trailer for the 1988 Brit Christmas slasher movie, Don't Open Till Christmas, starring no one you've ever heard of as a psychopath who goes around brutally murdering fake Santas! Phew, luckily cult horror film star Caroline Munro (playing herself) stops by to lighten things up with a bouncy musical number. (Quick, Santa! While the murderer is distracted, sneak out the back!)

If you love it? The entire thing's here.

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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Health / Horrors / Booze / City / ??!! / Sex / Life / Nightlife It Is 3:43 pm

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 3:43 PM

And it is dusk.

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Friday, November 25, 2011

Crime / Etiquette / Panic / Animals / Horrors / Chow / Retail / Money What Would Happen If There Was a Black Friday Doorbuster Sale on Pepper Spray?

Posted by Goldy on Fri, Nov 25, 2011 at 11:49 AM

Discuss.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Horrors / Conflict of Interest / Housekeeping Last Days Nearly Made Me Barf

Posted by Anna Minard on Wed, Nov 23, 2011 at 11:31 AM

I have copyedited many a horrible paragraph/description/joke for this depraved fish wrapper in my short time here (accidental penis-tip amputation, a mid-fatal-bear-mauling phone call to mom) but this week's Last Days was the first time I almost couldn't do my job through the haze of revulsion. I literally pushed my desk chair backwards and held my hands up over my face. Good work, Cienna.

From:

The next moment he brought his hand to his mouth and sucked something off his fingers. It was then that I realized he wasn't scratching but picking...

to:

...illegally injecting a mixture of cement, Fix-A-Flat tire sealant, and superglue into a woman's butt to enhance its size and bubbly shape.

I almost couldn't take it. I smell a Pulitzer! ("Local Investigative Specialized Reporting," perhaps?) In conclusion, I learned a valuable lesson: The pen is mightier than the ipecac syrup.

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Monday, November 14, 2011

Horrors / Retail In Which Goldy Apologizes to Jeff Bezos for Calling Amazon a "Sweat" Shop

Posted by Goldy on Mon, Nov 14, 2011 at 5:12 PM

You know all that talk about Amazon smothering their employees to the point of heat exhaustion in stifling, un-air conditioned, 100-degree-plus warehouses? Well, never mind. It turns out Jeff Bezos tries to balance things out by allegedly freezing his employees during the winter season.

Multiple warehouse workers were treated at hospitals for exposure after being outside, without coats, in temperatures below freezing for prolonged periods, including one night for about two hours, according to OSHA records.

Workers interviewed said Amazon forced them to remain huddled in the parking lot on frigid nights while many workers were wearing only shorts and T-shirts. After attendance was taken to make sure all employees evacuated, warehouse workers said they were not allowed to go to their cars to keep warm. Instead, they were instructed by warehouse managers to use one another's body heat and told that anyone caught going to their cars would be disciplined and could be terminated, workers said.

Apparently, Amazon was concerned about theft. Warehouse workers normally have to pass through metal detectors on their way out, and the false fire alarms were suspected to be a ruse to sneak merchandise out of the warehouse.

Fair enough. But that doesn't exactly give Amazon the moral or legal right to force their employees to stand outside for hours in sub-freezing temperatures, in nothing but shorts and T-shirts. On one night, according to OSHA records, six employees were treated for exposure at a local hospital. But, you know, at least nobody stole anything, so I guess the end justifies the means.

So sorry, Jeff, for accusing you of running a sweatshop. You're clearly not. At least during the winter months.

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