It's fucking gorgeous outside! But if you're sunburned/stroked/hate sunshine, consider spending the evening in the cool, dark basement known as Comedy Underground with a drink in your hand while (former Seattle comedian) Andy Haynes, Nick Turner, and Sean O'Connor take turns telling you jokes.

If you're busy tonight, you can also catch them Friday and Saturday night at 8:30pm—info and tickets here.

Now for all you suburb-trucking car lovers out there, here's Haynes proverbially shitting all over mass transit. DON'T SAY I NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU:

Whatever plans you have for Sunday night—gardening, hugging your family, checking for cancer moles—cancel them. Instead, secure a date, head down to Rebar, and watch comedian Kyle Kinane roll up his sleeves and dazzle you with jokes.

You won't be disappointed. Kinane, a master storyteller and gleeful fuckup, has turned his strengths—drinking, being the creepiest guy at Wal-Mart—into a hilarious career. Each story unfolds leisurely, like trains colliding at a walker's pace. Here's what I mean:

Kyle Kinane, presented by Mirthling!
Rebar (1114 Howell St)
July 8 at 7:30pm, doors open at 7:00pm, 21+
$10 adv/$12 dos

Yup, Rob McKenna really said that. And you know what makes it even funnier? He said it in his own press release touting his receipt of the Washington Newspaper Publishers Association's 2007 "Freedom's Light" award for open government:

“The public’s access to information is paramount to our society,” Attorney General McKenna said. “In fact, when trying to overthrow a society the first thing someone tries to do is seize control of the media and the information. The Constitutional founders, Bill of Rights’ authors and Supreme Court justices all understood this and lived to protect this right.”

The Washington Newspaper Publishers Association, an advocate for community newspapers, freedom of the press and open government, created the award in 1995 to honor individuals who have protected the public’s access to information.

Who knew at the time that rather than making an eloquent defense of democracy McKenna was actually plotting out a roadmap toward overthrowing it?

It has been one hell of a long, rough week, Seattle. You know what helps caps weeks like this, aside from drinking boxed wine in a bathtub* until you barf?

Sunday's lineup will feature singing clown-dancer Jenna Bean Veatch! Puppeteer Kyle Loven! Comedian Kermet Apio! House Weirdoes Travis Clarke and Kevin Vogt! Beloved yellow journalist Brendan Kiley! Lovely prizes and jokes from tween prodigy Barbara Holm!

Sunday, June 3, 7:30 p.m., $5-$10, Annex Theatre. Go laugh your ass off and help celebrate the anniversary of this freakish flipper baby of a variety show. You won't regret it.

*Easy cleanup.

KISW's BJ Shea Comedy Riot is at the Paramount Theatre tonight—it features Lisa Lampanelli, Chris Hardwick, and John Keister. It's been a long week. You could probably use a good laugh. So STG gave us a pair of tickets to give away!

To enter, send your first and last name to freetickets@thestranger.com with Comedy Riot in the subject line.

A winner will be chosen at 1 pm TODAY, so HURRY!

A winner has been chosen and notified—thanks to all who entered!

Two releases from funny-ass humans that tell jokes on stages.

• Camp Hurrah isn't all it's cracked up to be.

And you know the players: Smart local comedians Paul Merrill, Anita Goodman, and Derek Sheen, led by Children of the Atom's Elicia Sanchez.

Tomorrow's your chance to witness the beautiful collision of wit and campy horror as these funny people tear the 1988 slasher flick Cheerleader Camp a new asshole and then gently plug it with a pom pom (BYOPP). In case you still need convincing, horror movie website mostersatplay.com calls Cheerleader Camp "care free... full of tits and gore... tedious... but overall, good times."

The free fun starts at 7:00 pm at The White Rabbit in Fremont.

There will be drink specials! Prizes! Cheese puffs! Tits! Gore! Comedy gold! And a live podcast taping afterward—filled with fresh tits and gore jokes and cheerleading-inspired freestyle rapping—with these same funny people! For more info, check out The Enematic Cinematic: Lives.

What more could you ask for on a Tuesday night?

What happens in the end?

Lovers of comedy, discomfort, and public displays of eroticism take note: Tomorrow is the official launch of Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction, a night of comedians writing and reciting the most erotic fan-fic tributes they can think of on the topics of their choice (think Golden Girls, the Pixar hit Cars, etc.). I interview comedian Bryan Cook, the brains behind this event, over here. But you know what's more impressive than words on a page? An erotic reading of Charlotte's Web with local luminary Derek Sheen!

Remember: This is but a taste of pleasures to come. Catch more tomorrow night at the Rendezvous Jewelbox Theater, 7:30 pm, $7, 21+.

A medically induced coma, but still—this is no one's fault but Lindy West's.

• KEAT TEOH
• "A paranoid, delusional, right-wing religious maniac," per Lindy West.

In other news, Lindy's last-ever Concessions column is over here. Sob!

Thanks, Slog tippers Cracker Jack and Luke!

The always hilarious (and actually very good actor) Bob Odenkirk of Mr. Show and Breaking Bad has a new short featurette over at Adult Swim titled Let's Do This! It chronicles the ups and many, many downs of a small crappy movie studio in North Hollywood, co-stars funny people Brian Posehn and Natasha Leggero, and SURPRISE! It's funny. And it's only 9 minutes long, which you can watch instead of smoking a cigarette. This show could save your life!

Chances are, you already have plans to celebrate the second-most romantic day of the year—the first being Grandparent's Day—by sharing a bowl of noodles with your lover or crying together in a bathtub (that bathtub better be clean, Preston).

Click to enlarge.

Do you prepare for a love-themed comedy ball differently than you would a normal set?
My participation in Laugh Lover's Ball goes way beyond just doing a set. I'm essentially a lowly road comic who does the odd corporate gig and comedy festival. I"ve been doing comedy for 20 years now. About 17 years ago I decided I wanted to create an annual comedy event in Seattle. Why? Well, for a number of reasons.

Civic Reason: Everyone is looking for something fun to do on Valentine's Day. A comedy event on that day seemed like a perfect fit. That's how the name Laugh Lover's Ball came into being.

Selfish Reason: So I could perform in one of Seattle's big theaters at least once a year and feel like I'd somehow made it in show business.

Fun Reason: It was a chance to work with some of my favorite comedians and bring to my home town for a few days.

Charitable Reason: Doing all this just to enrich my own bank account didn't seem right so I involved a charity. To date LLB has given about $120,000 to local charities, at first Sound Experience and now the It Just Takes One Foundation, which brings child development programs to underserved communities.

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There it is...

Iranian intelligence experts also warned of the very real, and very frightening, possibility of the U.S. providing weapons and resources to a rogue third-party state such as Israel.