• KELLY O

What else: Upstairs is a semiformal lounge for special occasions. It's worth checking out, though it's for private events, so don't linger. The party is in full swing on a Friday night, and everyone's dancing in the colored lights as a very old man on a synthesizer plays hymns layered with samba beats and shimmery slow-jams such as the Titanic theme song. The scene releases the purest kind of euphoria, and you'll probably feel all drippy and nostalgic inside, and then the guy you're with will suddenly begin describing what he'd like to wear to his own wedding someday. (A white velvet jacket and a red satin cummerbund, it turns out.)

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Owner Seth Howard named the place after Mutiny Bay on Whidbey Island, home of his grandma. While Mutiny Hall's upside-down chair logo is meant to subtly imply mayhem, Seth says throwing furniture in the restaurant is discouraged.

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• KELLY O

What's on display: Great vintage photographs of local happenings featuring synchronized swimmers, ambling reindeer, gorillas presented with birthday cakes, and pretty landscapes of grainy, color-saturated mountains majesty.

Happy-hour drink specials: $1 off wells; $1 off wine—$5 Ménage à Trois, $5 Chateau Ste. Michelle; $1 off rotating drafts—$4 Jever Pilsener, $3.50 Ace Berry Cider, $3.50 Big Time Icculus IPA, and a dozen more.

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• wikimedia commons

Okay, Seattle, it’s STILL nice out. It’s almost October and it’s going to be 70 this weekend. So before we all start wearing slouchy beanies and artfully wrapped scarves in preparation for the long, dark, rainy season, here’s some excuses to get outside and (over-)indulge ourselves:

Fremont Oktoberfest- It’s like Halloween (dress up in lederhosen and drink too much), Thanksgiving (eat and drink too much), and Christmas (eat and drink too much), all wrapped up into one beautiful hopfest.

Seattle Greek Festival- For fans of phyllo dough and large hunks of slowly rotating meat.

International District Night Market- There will be food vendors, a flea market, dance parties, and mooncakes. At night.

Gin Cocktail Competition- Become a member of the Gin Society so you have an excuse to drink and be a snob about it.

... and more, more, MORE in our Chow events calendar.

• Kelly O

What else: Novelty menu items include the $5 Classic Aussie meat pie and a couple dishes made with Vegemite, a black-brown, salty-bitter yeast-extract food paste. "It's horrible," says President Obama. Try it anyway, used as a spread (the Vegemite Toasty, $5) or baked into puff pastry with cheese (the Cheesymite Scroll, $6).(Fun fact: In Australia, one traditional meal features soft-boiled eggs and Vegemite served on toast sliced lengthwise into fingers, served for brekkie. It's called dippy eggs and soldiers, and it is allegedly delicious.)

Bonus: There's an outdoor seating area, and it's nice.

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• Vessel / Facebook

Back in 2006, when fancy ice cubes were still a novelty, Vessel was the original Seattle cocktail-revival spot—the first place (I think?) in town where each drink on the menu bore a date, a place of origin, and a composer. And it was contemporary-swank, and it was (arguably appropriately) snobby about vodka, and it was good.

The location near the Fifth Avenue Theater closed at the end of 2010. Now, Vessel has been reincarnated at Seventh and Olive (where the original El Gaucho was, from 1953 to 1985). Owner Clark Niemeyer has partnered with noted barkeep Jim Romdell; along with "progressive and creative" cocktails, there will be lunch and a full dinner menu. Cameo McRoberts, recently (and very briefly) at Little Water Cantina as sous chef and Pop Kitchen + Bar as exec chef, will head the kitchen.

Now I am thirsty.

• Kelly O

Description: In a city overrun with replicated dive bars, the Crosswalk in Greenwood is refreshingly used and bare and feels like it's been around longer than anyone can remember. Inside the vast space are pool tables, buckets of pull tabs, and old-timey mounted bar stools, while fleck-tile floors and scatterings of cheap furniture recall factory break rooms and even more distant scenes: deep-woods resorts with dusty taxidermy and mesh hats hung from nails in the wall.

What else: A nice selection of convenience food is piled into a cubby behind the bar and illuminated by seedy yellow lights. The collected image of beef jerky, peanuts, trail mix, and potato chips evokes David Adler's Warhol-inspired passage from The Life and Cuisine of Elvis Presley: "Packaged snacks are the universal food of America. They can be purchased virtually anywhere, in all regions, at all times, in the same wrapping, and at nearly the exact same price. They are thus the most democratic of foods, and not just because they are so cheap. Fritos, for instance, whether eaten by Elvis, the president, or a homeless person on the corner, are all exactly the same, crunchy and delicious."

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If forced by captors to consume one of these two items spotted recently on the streets of Seattle, which one would you choose? Would it be the half-full plastic handle of warm 3 Star vodka, spotted during yesterday's stagnant afternoon in Roosevelt? Or the partially eaten green and white cake with a banana peel and an army of ants for toppings, aka bananta cake™, spotted the other day on Capitol Hill? Choose wisely.

• Photo by Angela Lansbury

• Photo by Celebrity Nanny Dre Gordon

• SAUMAYA SHARMA

What else: Mestizo has 200 types of tequila (!), such as Jose Cuervo 250 Aniversario ($350/shot), Partida Elegante ($65), Chinaco Negro ($40), Mexican Moonshine ($20), Tarantula ($7), and Octane ($7). Why not try mixing some together? And if you're into hair-of-the-dog hangover cures, tomorrow morning you can have a Thomas Abercrombie: two Alka-Seltzers dropped in the double-shot tequila of your choosing.

Happy-hour drink specials: $3 bottled beer (Negra Modelo, Pacifico, Dos Equis), $4 wells, $8 specialty cocktails (the X-Rated Tini has blueberry Stoli, X-Rated Liqueur, citrus soda).

Food specials include $4.50 shredded-beef chalupas, $7.50 beef rib tacos, and $6 Cuban pressed sandwiches (served with fries, chips, or a salad).

Read more here, then skip out of work (or crying or TV watching or homework or whatever you're doing) early and get there before it ends at 6 pm.

This week, we went to three brand-new places:

· Paul Constant on the whorehouse-themed Neighbor Lady in the C.D. ("Look, nothing's going to replace Thompson's Point of View...")

· Anna Minard at the Gerald in Ballard ("The Gerald is part of the explosion of fancyish bars and restaurants in Ballard, and there's no use hating it...")

· and Cienna Madrid chewing away at Hunger in Fremont ("Hunger's new digs in Fremont are what you might call childproof industrial...")

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• Kelly O
• The Neighbor Lady's leg lamp; the Gerald's '60s-mod style.

From King County Public Health:

The food establishment 9 Million, located at 3507 Fremont Pl N, Seattle, WA 98103 was closed by a Public Health food inspector on July 30, 2012 at 1:00 pm for the following violations:

· Potentially hazardous foods at unsafe tempertures
· Improper cooling of potentially hazardous foods
· Handwashing facilities inaccessible
· Failure to correct repeated violations

It's that last one that's most alarming. I ate here a few years ago, when it was still called 9 Million in Unmarked Bills—it was mainly memorable for the bar-goer holding a blond surfer wig to his crotch, performing pelvic thrusts to the music.

You may find out when 9 Million reopens here.