Just wanted to say that your answer to BIBFAULT is one of the finest pieces of advice I've seen on the topic of marital challenges. Or maybe on any topic. Thoughtful, empathetic, honest, and empowering. Thanks for all you do.

Devoted Savage Love Reader

Thanks for the note, DSLR, but I gotta be honest: You're an outlier. Most readers thought my advice for BIBFAULT kindasortamaybe missed the mark—which is a polite way of saying, "My response wrapped its mouth around a massive pair of donkey balls and commenced sucking loudly." Annoyed readers weren't content to pour into the comment threads on the websites where my column runs or to clutter up my e-mail inbox with WTFs. Some took to Twitter...


I typically wouldn't devote a SLLOTD to reader reactions to a particular column—that's what those comment threads are for—but when the response is overwhelmingly negative, and when so many people take the time to e-mail me about how wrong I was (and tweet at me), an exception is in order.

A sampling of reader responses to my advice for BIBFAULT... after the jump.

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Did I miss something here? I would have advised BIBFAULT to introduce her husband to her toys! He should be using a vibrator to give her a little something extra while making out, fucking, going down on her, or staring meaningfully into her eyes and professing his love. She should ask for these things. He might say no, but you did not even suggest she ask? WTF? I did not figure this one out until my late 40s. Now I tell my boys, "If you find out the woman you are sleeping with (or want to) has a bad-girl drawer—make it okay with you! Get into that drawer with her!" Girls in their 20s are the same as they are in their 50s! Toys are not just for bored, frustrated middle-aged people, they are for bored, frustrated young people as well!

You're usually right on the mark, but I think you missed an opportunity to explore this one more. It is not clear from BIBFAULT's letter whether she has tried approaches such as the following with her husband: using the vibrator during sex, manipulating herself to orgasm while her husband is inside her, etc. If these approaches have not been tried, they should be before she takes other action. You have recommended such things to women in the past.

I think your answer for BIBFAULT only addressed one part of BIBFAULT's issue. Because it seems to me that it is perfectly possible to improve her sex life with her husband. When I am having penetrative sex with a partner, I also use a vibrator on myself so that I will have an orgasm with them. Since not one of the counselors BIBFAULT and her husband saw together suggested that BIBFAULT get a vibrator, Dan, presumably they never suggested using a vibrator DURING partnered sex! But if her husband isn't up for her using a vibrator during sex, well, then she should cheat on him as soon as possible.