When you think about dangerous NFL collisions what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? Kam Chancellor ruining an opposing tight end? Marshawn Lynch throwing a helpless defensive back to the ground? The quieter danger of repeated collisions between linemen resulting in permanent brain trauma? Or worse, the off the field violence that players too often reap on their loved ones?

Well prepare to have something new brought to your mind: TVs falling off dressers and crushing your children.

Now you, as a Stranger reader, maybe don’t have a child. Or a TV. Or maybe even a dresser, you fucking stoner. So watch this video and picture your laptop, a milk crate, and your roommate’s cat. THEN FEEL THE HORROR:

FACT: "One child dies every two weeks from falling furniture or a television."

FACT: The force of a TV falling on a child is ten times the force of two NFL players colliding.

FACT: More people buy TVs during Super Bowl week than any other week of the year.

FACT: Kids are dumb.

FACT: Flatscreen TVs are a thing now, so this is probably less of an issue?

FACT: But flatscreen TV purchases frequently mean old shitty TVs get moved to precarious unsecured locations.

FACT: But you still don’t have any TV, so this probably doesn’t apply to you.

FACT: But you’re going to be drunk on Sunday in front of some TV-type device, so it’s probably more of an issue than ever.

So, Seahawks fans, before Sunday’s big game, be sure to strap down your TV (laptop) so your child (cat/drunk friend) does not die (get a bruise and break your laptop).

(All FACTS directly from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission.)

(Also, read this piece by Grantland writer Robert Mays on what Seahawks safety Kam Chancellor does to other football players.)