This was me like 5 minutes ago.

Income Inequality: Hey, even Republicans are talking about it now—but House Republicans are doing something about abortion. The bill that would've made it harder for rape victims to get abortions is dead, but House Rs found some other abortion restrictions to vote on. Charles Pierce rolls his eyes and takes a swipe at Ross Cardinal Douthat.

Republicans Screwing Teenagers: But Republican state senators here in Washington State are trying to make income inequality worse—and trying to alienate young voters—by proposing a "teen wage." Seattlish treats WA senators Braun and Baumgartner to a few brand-new assholes.

Woman on Top: Early polls show Hillary Clinton with double-digit leads over all her GOP rivals.

Baloney Ernst: Joni Ernst's family got ahead through hard work, self-reliance, bread-bag galoshes, self-administered bootstrap pulling, and nearly $500,000 in federal subsidies.

Hot Spots: Ukraine, Yemen, Third and Pine.

Pigs in Space: NASA is going to name a new telescope—the one replacing the Hubble—after a man who persecuted gay people in the McCarthy era. Should they? Probably not... but I'm having a hard time getting worked up about it.

Stop Feeding Your Brats So Much Fucking Pizza: Kids are eating less pizza, but they eat too much pizza when their lazy parents order pizza. So stop ordering so much pizza, says Pediatrics.

Suck on This: Your stupid e-cigarettes are probably killing you. Should we warn Jenny McCarthy and Stephen Dorff or should we keep our mouths shut?

Home Sweet Home: The building that has housed the offices of The Stranger for 20 years has been declared a landmark by a unanimous vote of the Landmarks Preservation Board. We're still moving, Tim Keck tells Capitol Hill Seattle (which seems a lot more interested in this story than anyone at The Stranger), because it's the only way to get Mudede to clean his office.

Can't Get Enough of This: