- BROAD CITY
UNNGGHHH! Why am I always the person that people come to when they need a reason to live? It's like this every January: The sun refuses to rise, the national serotonin average drops dangerously low, and everybody's banging at my door asking for ONE GOOD REASON why they shouldn't just throw themselves under a bus. Well, for one thing, no one's driving the bus! Because the bus drivers are too goddamn sad! UNNGGHHH! TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN, GRUMPY GUS—you're depressing the crap out of meeeeeeee!
Okay, fine! If it'll make you shut your stupid, sad mouth, here are some quick tips that will instantly help snap you out of the winter doldrums. (1) Masturbate more. From what I understand, tears make an exceptional lubricant. (2) Eat a goddamn banana. I don't know the science behind it... apparently bananas contain natural mood enhancers—which is probably why chimps dress in red jumpers and race around on roller skates. And (3) how many times do I have to say this? WATCH MORE TV. Nothing cheers me up quicker than watching a really good show or derisively mocking a terrible one. And lucky you, there are a bunch of terrific shows that are either returning or debuting this week! Such as…
