I regret not saying anything to the woman who treated the baristas like crap in front of me at the Australian/New Zealander meat pie and coffee shop that I frequent in Brooklyn. She was upset that they didn't have the pie she wanted and berated them for it before sitting down like a grump with her partner and child. When her 4-year-old asked why she wasn't eating a pie like Daddy was, she repeated in a loud voice: "They didn't have the pie I asked for. You should ask the pie guys why I don't have my pie. Maybe the pie guys know." I regret keeping my mouth shut. Her partner probably regrets having a kid with her.

I also regret asking anyone for a retweet this year. This was a regret the last year and the year before that, too.

—Hari Kondabolu, writer and comedian

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