Read the whole new issue of The Stranger right here!

1. This issue of The Stranger is chock-full of musical "best-of" lists. The Stranger has for years mocked the pretense of list-making as somehow beneath the storied tastes of their staff, which is primarily composed of dropouts, admitted drug addicts, and perverts. Now that BuzzFeed and Upworthy have proven that it's possible to make money in listicle journalism, is The Stranger jumping on the bandwagon as part of a last-ditch effort to save their doomed enterprise? How late are they, in your opinion? Too late? Compose your own list of 10 Stranger staffers you would fire in case of layoffs, in order of most eager to fire to least. E-mail your list to Stranger publisher Tim Keck as a suggestion of how to run his business, since he's clearly in need of some advice. Manners count; don't forget to conclude your e-mail with appropriate seasonal greetings!

2. Because supposedly nothing happened in Seattle over the last week, the news lead is composed of a number of arguments in favor of and against the wearing of helmets when riding on a bicycle. Leading the anti-helmet charge is boy reporter ANSEL HERZ, whose brain-dead polemics and unashamedly anarchist opinion pieces are perhaps the best argument in favor of wearing a bicycle helmet that one could imagine. Is it possible that Herz has already suffered a traumatic head injury? When do you suspect this hypothetical injury might have happened? How serious, based on Herz's behavior, do you believe the hypothetical brain damage to be? Use textual evidence to support your claim.

3. In the theater section, BRENDAN KILEY interviews a man who attends hundreds of plays every year. Kiley treats the avid theatergoer as at best a curiosity and at worst an oddity, but this makes Kiley himself the butt of the joke. Why does Kiley—the theater editor of The Stranger—believe that a man who loves theater is newsworthy enough to hang a story on? Why does Kiley hate theater?

4. In the books section, PAUL CONSTANT, who is probably the single whitest staffer at The Stranger, reviews a book about the history of racial relations in America. Did no one at the office see the folly in the selection of Constant as the reviewer of this particular volume? Did no one try to stop him? Or—and this is perhaps the most likely option—does nobody read Constant's reviews before they're published?