Last week brought the news that Mark Wahlberg—former rapper, current actor/entertainment mogul—is asking the state of Massachusetts to wipe clean the criminal record he's carried since being convicted of felony assault in the late Eighties. As the Boston Herald reports:

With the request, filed Nov. 26, he’s asking the state to expunge it from his record, in part, so he could become “more active in law enforcement activities.”

“Why isn’t it enough that I have personally risen above my past, found success in Hollywood, have served as a local and national philanthropist and am the father of four beautiful children with my incredible wife?” Wahlberg wrote in his 16-page petition. “The more complex answer is that receiving a pardon would be a formal recognition that I am not the same person that I was on the night of April 8, 1988,” he said.

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Regarding the person Wahlberg was on and before April 8, 1988, a good overview is provided by Wikipedia*:

At 15, civil action was filed against Wahlberg for his involvement in two separate incidents of harassing African-American children (the first were siblings, and the second incident was a group of black school children on a field trip), by throwing rocks and shouting racial epithets. At 16, Wahlberg approached a middle-aged Vietnamese man named Thanh Lam on the street and, using a large wooden stick, knocked him unconscious while calling him "Vietnam fucking shit". That same day, using another wooden stick, Wahlberg also attacked a second Vietnamese man named Hoa Trinh, striking him in the face with such force that it left him permanently blind in one eye. In this fight he called his victim a "gook" and "slant eye." For these crimes, Wahlberg was charged with attempted murder, pleaded guilty to assault and was sentenced to two years in Suffolk County Deer Island House of Correction. He ultimately served only 45 days of his sentence. In another incident, the 21-year-old Wahlberg fractured the jaw of a neighbor in an unprovoked attack.

As for Wahlberg's expressed desire to be more active in law enforcement: TMZ reports that Wahlberg is hoping to become a reserve officer with the LAPD.

Meanwhile, a concerned citizen of Massachusetts has started a MoveOn.org petition to make sure this shit isn't allowed to happen. Further Reading: 'Dear Mark Wahlberg': A Dorchester Resident's Petition to Have the Actor's Pardon Request Declined.

In the meantime, let us all return our attention to this amazing sentence.

*—God I love Wikipedia, which is always ready to tell me which songs were released as singles from Teena Marie albums and a million other things, and to which I recently, happily made a donation. If you're a near-constant Wikipedia user like me, please consider doing the same.