"What the hell are you doing here? Already? It's not even Thanksgiving yet!"

Bitch! I am on the scene, now right after Halloween. So suck it. What newspaper did you say you work for?
  • Kelly O
  • "Bitch! I'm sometimes on the scene right after Halloween!!! And I'm here now for charity, so suck it! What newspaper did you say you work for, again?"

"What do you think of Black Friday? Of capitalism?"

I hate it personally. I wish I could participate in the #BlackLivesMatter protest this Friday, but Im totally stuck standing here in this hotel lobby.
  • Kelly O
  • "I hate it, personally. I wish I could participate in the #BlackLivesMatter protest on Friday this year, but I'm totally stuck standing here in this hotel lobby."

"Whoa, looky-loo at YOU! Are you Irish?"

Dia dhuit! And, remember—a turkey never voted for an early Christmas!
  • Kelly O
  • "Dia dhuit! And remember—a turkey never voted for an early Christmas..."

"Is there really a man named Santa Claus who lives near the North Pole?"

Wow. How old are you? For real? Grow up.
  • Kelly O
  • "Whaaaat? For real? Are you like the next Sarah Palin or something?"


"Do you ever feel 'not yourself' around the holidays? Like you're just putting on a show for people?"

You know, YES. Sometimes I dont even feel like me anymore.
  • Kelly O
  • "You know what, YES! I do! Sometimes I don't even feel like a real tree anymore."


"How come always snowmen, and never snow-WOMEN? Is there a greater patriarchal conspiracy during the holidays?"

Hush child! You know better than to talk about politics, religion, or ew, FEMINISM around the holidays.
  • Kelly O
  • "You hush now! You know better than to talk about politics, religion, or, God forbid, 'FEMINISM' around the holidays."


"What do you think of legal gay marriage and legal weed in Washington State?"

Man, I love Seattle! I even kind of like that one football team, even though I hate sports. Oh and speaking of weed, want a little pinch of some purple kush? Its right here inside my red wizard hat.
  • Kelly O
  • "I am loving Seattle! I even kind of like that one football team, even though I hate sports. Oh, and speaking of weed, want a little pinch of some purple kush? It's right here, under my red wizard hat."


"Do you ever feel overdressed? A little, pardon the phrase, 'whorish' in that outfit?"

Never. Look good, feel good. And look at your outfit! Ross Dress for Less, much? Hmm?
  • Kelly O
  • "Never. LOOK GOOD, FEEL GOOD. And look at your outfit! Ross Dress for Less, much? Hmm?"


"Oh crikey! Tiny shoes! You're not a pro-life tree, are you?"

Oh, heavens no darling. I support women and children. But remember, like he said over there. We don't talk about these things during the holidays!
  • Kelly O
  • "Oh, heavens no, darling. I support women and children. But remember, like he said over there—we simply don't talk about these things during the holidays."


Has anyone ever accused you of being high-maintenance? Or messy?

Naw. Im as fake as the day is long. Aint nothing wrong with being superficial sometimes.
  • Kelly O
  • "Naaaw. I'm as fake as the day is long. Ain't nothing wrong with being a little superficial sometimes."


"Do you ever feel like hiding out in your home, or taking a vacation somewhere, just one year, just once, to avoid all this holiday crap?"

Ive thought about it, sure. But even with all the tired clichés—theres always room for a little cheer. Its everywhere, so you might as well make the best of it, you know?
  • Kelly O
  • "I've thought about it, sure. Who hasn't? But even with all the tired clichĂ©s—there's usually something positive about to happen. It's everywhere, so you might as well make the best of it."

All trees were interviewed this past Sunday, in the lobby of the Fairmont Olympic Hotel, where they are working for charity—to help raise money for Seattle Children's Hospital. Read more at seattlefestivaloftrees.com.