I am a bisexual male in my early twenties who until recently was in the closet. I have been exploring my sexuality for only the past year or so and I didn't want to label myself and open Pandora's box of oppression in the American south before I knew who I was for sure. I learned through my exploration that I have a few kinks and I have been acting on those kinks for about a year now, seeing what I am and and not into. It appears I may have been too trusting because someone I interacted with decided that he was having none of me and that he disapproved significantly of one of the kinks that I tried briefly, but decided wasn't for me.

This person took it upon himself to find all the info he could about me, both regarding kink as well as my career and other aspects of my life, and compile it on a website. He then sent links to several of my friends, taunting me, though he never actually gave any explanation for why he was doing this.

My family has been very supportive and the few friends who I've spoken to have been great. I am curious, however, how I should go about talking to these other friends the next time I see them. My life is out in the open now and although I am trying my best to roll with it and become more comfortable with myself, it is a struggle. These people are close to me and I value their friendship. I don't believe they think poorly of me, but I am uncomfortable knowing that they have seen a part of me that I was trying to keep somewhat compartmentalized. How can I approach the situation without making it more uncomfortable and awkward? And how do I go about asking them to keep this to themselves so I can come out in my own time?

Outed And Unsure

Google "Bill and Monica" and read the first few stories that pop up.

Here's the takeaway for you, OAU: an out-of-control special prosecutor appointed to investigate the suicide of a White House aide wound up "exposing" a series of blowjobs that Bill Clinton got from a White House intern. Problematic power differential, yes, but consenting adults just the same. Politicians and pundits and editorial boards called on Clinton to resign after the affair was made public because the American people, they insisted, had lost all respect for the Clinton. He couldn't possibly govern after the blowjobs, the rimmings, the cigars, the semen stains, the rope lines, and the denials ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman"). Clinton didn't resign and wound up getting impeached by an out-of-control GOP-controlled Congress. (Forgive the redundancy: a GOP-controlled Congress is an out-of-control Congress and an out-of-control Congress is a GOP-controlled Congress.) But guess what? The American people weren't pissed at Bill Clinton. Clinton's approval ratings shot up. The American people were pissed at the special prosector and at Congress. They looked at what was being done to Clinton—a special prosecutor with subpoena powers and an unlimited budget asking Clinton under oath about his sex life—and thought, "Jesus Fucking Christ, I would hate to have my privacy invaded like that."

People's sympathies were with Clinton, not with special prosecutor, not with a GOP-controlled/out-of-control Congress.

I promise you this, OAU: Everyone in your life who has seen the website where that malicious piece of shit made your private and consensual sexual conduct public—everyone worth keeping in your life—had the same reaction that the American public had to the impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton: "Jesus, I would hate to have my privacy invaded like that." Their sympathies are with you.

So how do you address it without making things more uncomfortable and awkward than they already are? By acknowledging the discomfort and awkwardness that has already been created while drawing attention to the fact that the discomfort and awkwardness are not of your creation. You've been victimized by this asshole and so have your friends and family. Practice saying, "You know more about my private life than you ever needed or wanted to. I'm going to stuff it down the memory hole and pretend it didn't happen. I hope you will too." Look people in the eye when you say it because you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You also might want to memorize and riff on these wise words from two people who were similarly victimized:

"I started to [make] an apology, but I don’t have anything to say I’m sorry for." — Jennifer Lawrence

"The real problem here was not me sending my pictures to someone, but rather, sending them to the WRONG someone. The real travesty is a misplaced trust." — Dylan Sprouse

You trusted the wrong person, OAU, and you don’t have anything to say you're sorry for. Look people in the eye when you talk—briefly—with them about it. Then change the subject.

Finally: check and see if you live in a state that has laws against revenge porn. If you do, OAU, go to the police and press charges.