Hey Seahawks fans, stop panicking. STOP. Yeah, Brandon Mebane’s gone, Zack Miller’s gone, Max Unger may be gone, and looking at the bigger, picture Golden Tate, Chris Clemons, Red Bryant, Brandon Browner, Walter Thurmond, and Percy Harvin are all gone, too. But it doesn’t matter. Things may be bad now, but they’re about to be less bad.

As we’ve trucked along atop the sputtering jalopy that is the Seahawks’ Inusfferable Journey to Rewinnining the Super Bowl, I’ve made very few actual predictions (aside from the most insufferable prediction: Super Bowl rewinnining). So today, as our collective insufferableness has reached its nadir in the wake of the Seahawks' season-derailing 24-20 loss at Kansas City, here’s a big one: The Seahawks are beating the 9-1 Cardinals next week.

Book it.

Mark it down.

The Seahawks are taking down the league’s best team.

Don’t believe me? Let me take you on a barely sufferable journey to believing me:

In order to beat another football team, you are best off being good at things they're bad at defending and bad at things they’re good at preventing. This makes me confident about the Seahawks/Cardinals matchup.

Let’s start with the Seahawks run defense, which had looked phenomenal before defensive tackle Brandon Mebane went down with a season-ending torn hamstring. It was awful against the Chiefs on Sunday. Jamaal Charles gashed the Seahawks up the middle over and over again, and while the second-level tackling led by Earl Thomas was solid, the Chiefs were able to get into easy second and third down scenarios after at will.

The Cardinals won’t do anything like that. They can’t run against even poor run defenses, and there’s no reason to believe that even without Mebane the Seahawks are worse than average. Jamaal Charles makes lots of teams look bad, no shame in getting beat by the best. Fortunately, the Cardinals running offense is the worst and the Seahawks will not be beat by them.

Mark. It. Down.

Well, what about the Cardinals pass offense, which, led by reserve Drew Stanton, was able to beat a very good Lions defense for a couple of early touchdowns?

Not worried. Not even concerned. The Lions have been good against the pass all year, but a deeper dive into their numbers reveals a team that is only good at stopping number one receivers. The Seahawks do that, but with Byron Maxwell and Jeremy Lane back in the lineup, the second and third wide receivers are also unlikely to get anything done. Just look at what Alex Smith was able to do against the Seahawks: very little except take what was given to him when linebackers bit on play-action. In order to get linebackers to bite, you have to be able to move the ball on the ground, and we already covered how the Seahawks won’t let the Cardinals do that.

So the Cardinals aren’t scoring. But are the Seahawks doomed to a 0-0 tie?

No, that’s never happened in NFL history (I’m pretty sure. I’d look this up, but, if I’m wrong I assume you’ll tell me in the comments). So someone is going to score, and I think it’s going to be the Seahawks.

Why?

Sure, I’m scared of Arizona’s vaunted run defense, led by Calais Campbell and not-quite-as-good-as-Richard-Sherman-but-still-really-good-cornerback Patrick Peterson against a decimated O-Line and receiving corps. In a vacuum, they’re scary. But… here’s the thing. Arizona blitzes constantly, and Russell Wilson is at his best against the blitz. Last year, he posted the highest QBR in the NFL when teams sent an extra rusher, and Arizona is always sending an extra rusher. Wilson may not have a huge game, but he doesn’t need to. A big day making plays out of the pocket and two Wilson TDs will be enough to give the Seahawks a comfortable 10-point home win.

And if all of this breaking things down didn’t convince you, the Seahawks are currently 6.5 point favorites to win in Vegas. That line is begging for people to bet on the Cardinals. So if you don’t believe me, believe in casino owners’ desire to make money.

So book it. We Seahawks faithful are only six days away from a restoration of order and a return to insufferableness. And oh how sweet it will be.