When I was seventeen I dated a 29-year-old guy. One time he tied me up (nekked) and blindfolded me, and—without saying anything—took some photos of me on his phone. At 17 I was less confident about the world so I didn't mention that I had heard the photos being taken. We never mentioned it again and I DTMFA'd him soon after (for he truly was an asshole).

Now it is seven years later and I just thought about those pics whilst reading your "Round Up column. I know one of his friends was convicted for having a lot of child porn on his computer and considering the age gap in the relationship I am worried he may have done something with the photos. I figure I have two options: 1. Forget about it. He probably has forgotten all about them. Move on. 2. Contact him. Ask if he still has them. If so, ask him to delete them.

Thing is, Dan, after I DTMFA'd I didn't really want to contact him and he probably has forgotten all about it anyway.... right? Or not right? I know I was a fool not saying anything at the time, but I was a young messed-up-in-the-head fool. Also: I am a trans* guy and at the time ID'd as a girl so him having those photos is fucked up.

Older & Wiser

My response after the jump...

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Hm...

If this asshole is still an asshole (seems likely), O&W, contacting him could be pointless or risky. Pointless: If this asshole was going to do something assholey with those pics, i.e. post them somewhere, this asshole probably already did something with them. Risky: If this asshole hasn't done something assholey with those pics, O&W, your request to delete them could remind him that he has them and your call could inspire him, asshole that he is, to do something assholey with them, i.e. post them somewhere.

On the other hand...

You were a minor when those pictures were taken. You could threaten this asshole with arrest if the pictures should surface somewhere; you'll go to the cops, you'll tell them how old you were when the pictures were taken, and you'll pass his contact info along to the police—and the police just love making arrests in child porn cases like these. And a child porn charge might not be his only worry: depending on where you live, where he lives, and where the pictures were taken, he could run afoul of "revenge porn" laws too.

As for the trans* angle...

I can't quite put my finger on how your being trans* makes these photos more fucked up than they already are—is it the existence of nekkid photos of your pre-transition body generally? or is it the fact that these particular nekkid photos of your pre-transition body happen to be in this asshole's possession?—but there's a small silver lining in the trans-guy-now detail: you're probably unrecognizable in those photos. If the pics did surface somewhere, O&W, it seems unlikely that you would be recognized should someone you know happen to stumble over them. Provided, of course, that you're not named or linked to the photos.

And finally...

You weren't a fool, O&W, you were young and messy and you were manipulated by an asshole.