I'm 25, I'm virgin, and I find quite difficult to relate with girls. My main problem is I can't accept my sexuality and I have never had the chance to explore it. I'm into fetish SM. But it seems like there are two parts of me. The first part of me wants to lick women feet, likes humiliation, and longs to be being humiliated. The second part of me can't accept the first part and I just want to love and to be loved by the girl I am with.

I would say there was nothing wrong if I could just feet lick to get the relationship a bit more "spicy," but the problem is that I think I can't excite myself with the "traditional way." I had few girlfriends in the past and
when was the time to penetrate I got instantly limp.

I'm going to a therapist now. in my past there were issues with parents divorced in a very horrible way and a violent father who did physical and psychological violence. My therapist she said there is Oedipus complex in the air and I could be freed if we work on this. So this is why I hope going away from home things will get a little better. I want to have sons with my future loved woman and, finally, to have sex. Fetishists are considered perverted and mocked in the country where I live in, so it's really difficult to find girls interested in this stuffs to try and explore.

Thanks for your attention and your answer.

Fetishist Exposes Entire Troubles

My response after the jump...

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You can accept your sexuality, FEET, but for a host of reasons—shame and fear being the likeliest culprits, with your isolation from sex-positive kink communities a close third—you've refused to accept your sexuality. And where has this refusal gotten you? No place good. You haven't freed yourself from your completely harmless and thoroughly common kinks. By choosing to view your desire for kink and your desire for love as somehow mutually exclusive—someone can love you or they can humiliate you but they can't love and humiliate you—you've only succeeded in creating a crippling case of performance anxiety.

And now you're working with a Freudian therapist—they still make those?—who believes your kinks can be cured with some couch time and a move away from your family. Your therapist is wrong. As research psychologist and science writer Jesse Bering, author of Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, explained to a dad who was distressed to learn that his teenage son had a far more unusual kink than yours...

"If it's true that Pokémon lights this boy's fire in the ways DOPE imagines, there's not much DOPE can do about his son's 'pathetic' orientation. By age 17, his son's singular erotic profile is pretty much fixed, like it or not."

What might cause a young man to take a sexual interest in Pokémon?

"Scientists can't exactly do controlled laboratory experiments on humans to determine the cause of a given kink," says Bering. "So nobody knows why some people are more prone to developing unusual patterns of attraction than others. But whether it's a penchant for Pokémon, feet, underwear, or spiders, the best available evidence suggests that some people—mostly males—have a genetic predisposition for being 'sexually imprinted' during development."

At some point during your sexual development, FEET, you imprinted on feet, erotic humiliation, and SM. You can pathologize your kinks by viewing them as tied to the violence you were exposed to as a child or you can take comfort in the fact that no link has been definitively shown between childhood abuse and adult kinks. So it might be better to view the physical and psychological violence in your childhood home and that horrible (but welcome) divorce as unpleasant coincidences, not root causes, and get to work reconciling the two parts of yourself—the guy who wants a woman to love him and the guy who wants a woman to order him to lick her feet.

And here's how you're going to do that: You're going to get online and find the kink personal ads in your country and you're going to post a personal ad and respond to ads posted by others. I know kink personals exist where you live, FEET, because I managed to find some in two minutes. If the fetish scene in your country isn't big enough, or if you worry about exposure and mockery, vacation in London or Berlin and explore the booming hetero fetish scenes in those cities. Want to gain some experience and some confidence? Find a nice pro-Domme where you live (lots of those) and become a regular. A business relationship with a pro-Domme is unlikely to blossom into love, FEET, but find a Domme with whom you click and you'll soon see that affection and SM can go together.

And I don't know what your financial and work situations look like, FEET, but moving to a far away city with a large hetero kink community for a few months—New York, London, San Francisco—could be a transformative experience. Throw yourself into the kink scene in, say, San Francisco, FEET, and you'll meet kinksters who are open and unashamed—and you'll meet plenty of people who are capable of loving their partners even as they humiliate or are humiliated by them.

Good luck.