All my life I've suffered from penis size anxiety—I know, I know: Who doesn't? I've been through all the usual irrationalities: trying to avoid showering after school gym; getting undressed in the dark or under the covers when getting "intimate"; blah blah blah. All the usual platitudes (motion of the ocean, etc.) mean nothing when a guy knows his dick really is small. This anxiety shaped my psychology and drove me to do things that almost destroyed my marriage.

But once the demon was out... I discovered the most amazing thing. It doesn't matter. Not a single jot. Once I got to a point of truth and acceptance—once I opened up about my anxiety—I found my wonderful, amazing, open-minded, and mischievous wife totally, totally gets it. Although we're still rebuilding from a difficult time we now enjoy a sex life where I actually believe that I do fulfill her and where she happily and occasionally buggers me silly with a big fat strap-on!

So why write to a problem page? Two reasons. First, to help others come to terms with such a debilitating body image concern and because my wife would be thrilled to bits to see us in the Savage Love Letter of the Day. She deserves a little treat like that! What are the chances??

A New Truth

My response to ANM—and his response to my response—after the jump...

Happy to run your letter, ANT. But could you tell me what it was—what events, insights, or actions—that lead to your breakthrough and resulted in the self-acceptance that has improved your sex life and your marriage?—Dan

I can try!

I found myself fascinated by cock and spiraled into new behavior patterns. Furtively watching gay porn but convincing myself I was somehow detached from that and certainly not gay. Maybe bi. But surely not... although on one occasion, a long time before we married (but we were definitely an item), I even blew a guy.

Flash forward: A couple of years ago, I'm in my forties now, and my anxiety has made me feel secretly submissive toward "real men," guys with big cocks, and I develop a crazy crush on a new male friend with whom I get way too touchy feely when I'm drunk—but now I'm married. I felt I couldn't keep behaving like this and I worried that my behavior was just going to get more and more outrageous. So I came totally clean to my wife. About all of it. I couldn't keep asking my wife to only know 90% of me. And unpacking all this forced a new self-awareness on me: I felt inadequate and highly submissive sexually, all because of my little cock.

It's hard to really make it all make sense in a limited number of words. But I don't think I'm bi. (Although I'm not entirely sure!) But the greatest insight comes from my wife: "You define yourself as a man with a small cock." Which is brilliant as she simultaneously neither reinforces that view nor judges it. She let's me hold that perception.

Now we take turns. Mostly we have conventional sex where I'll tie her down and tease her to orgasm. Other times she fucks me as I think, "Ah, so that's the power of a real cock then."

Finally regarding acceptance: While explaining myself to a friend and saying I think my issues stemmed from size inadequacy he said that he had always felt anxious about his size. He told me he had a six-inch cock and still felt small. I thought WTF? That helped me realize that the size shame and hiding created a negative feedback loop. The more little guys are shamed and hide away, the more we become accustomed to only seeing bigger cocks, the more shame we feel.

I guess that's quite long enough. Oh, the irony!—ANT

Thank you for sharing, ANT, and congrats on your insight, your hard-won sense of self-confidence, and your frequent and regular assfuckings. But before we bring down the curtain on today's SLLOTD....

Dicks come in all shapes and sizes, there's no correlation between dick size and assholery (assholes who "open carry" don't all have small penises), lousy lovers can have big dicks, great lovers can have small dicks, and not all guys with small dicks have given or want to give blowjobs to men with bigger dicks. Also: some sub guys have small dicks, some sub guys have big dicks, some Dom guys have big dicks, some Dom guys have small dicks. Most men, of course, have average dicks—and lots of guys who believe they have small dicks actually have average dicks.

While some guys with small dicks consciously or unconsciously eroticize their anxieties about their small dicks, as ANT here seems to have done, not all guys with small dicks do so, become subs, get into pegging, etc.

All guys are well advised to accept their dicks as they come because 1. that's the only dick you're ever gonna have and 2. nothing is less sexy than insecurity. And accepting your small cock, if you have a small cock, won't lead to you suddenly wanting to be pegged (if you're a straight guy) or to identifying as a bottom exclusively (if you're a gay guy).

And finally: some women have dicks. It's true. Their dicks come in all sorts of shapes and sizes too, and these women are well advised to accept their dicks as they come for the exact same reasons.