by Dan Savage
on Thu, Aug 14, 2014 at 2:00 PM
As a long time reader of yours, I've been gleefully awaiting this day for three years. You see, I am the unicorn part of a poly triad, and today marks the three year anniversary for myself, my husband, and my wife—we aren't legally married, of course, but our commitment ceremony was beautiful nonetheless. The two of them are legally married, and were together almost a decade before I even entered the picture, yet all of us still are in our 20s. And yes, Dan, both my wife and I are bisexual! We three have a house together, cats together, and generally our lives are set out so that we will be together till we each die. Not gonna lie, you're completely right that polyamorous relationships are hard. But we have gone through communication mishaps, a "normal" amount of jealousy-related drama, ongoing and sometimes shifting D/s dynamics, relocations, job and school upsets, and the sudden obligation, due to unforeseen circumstances, of taking care of two young children full-time for the foreseeable future. To top it all off, I will also soon celebrate a second anniversary with my satellite partner, my bf. We have weathered all of this, though, and are all a family, still going strong.
So, Dan, it's with a certain degree of smugness that I ask: will you wish us a happy three year anniversary?
Savage, a long-partnered gay man who coined the word "monogamish" for his somewhat open relationship, used to snark at polys. He famously remarked that he'd been to poly multi-marriage ceremonies but never to a poly third-anniversary party. That prompted many long-term polyfamilies to speak up as counterexamples, jumping up and down to try to catch his attention.
You're not the first poly triad to let me know that they've made it to their leather anniversary, TRIAD, but I'm thrilled to hear from you nonetheless. Congrats and best wishes to you, your wife, and your husband. (And here's hoping you haven't jinxed things with that "we will be together till we each die" line. I wouldn't risk saying that about my marriage and we've been together 20 years!) But... technically speaking... my snark still stands, TRIAD: I have been to a few poly weddings but I've never been to a poly third-anniversary party. Still. I know they happen—yours is happening—but somehow I never seem to rate an invitation. Was it something I said?
UPDATE: TRIAD writes...
Well of course you're invited to our party! In all seriousness, thanks!