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Friday, August 8, 2014

SL Letter of the Day: Hot Tip For CRUD

Posted by on Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 3:26 PM

I just read your column in this week's paper and I wanted to throw a little bit more advice CRUD's way. CRUD should look into purchasing a vibrator—like a Bullet. For a long time I was like CRUD in that I could only finish on the top with my husband during intercourse. The orgasms were great but I was a little angry that I could not climax in different positions. Well, fast forward two years later when we finally introduced that little magic thing into our sex life and—holy cow—is it awesome. I can come on my side, on my back and on my stomach. Also, the Bullet is great for masturbating because it is totally focused on the clit and it sounds like CRUD needs the clitoral stimulation for her orgasm and I can understand how hard that stimulation can be without a little help. The Bullet stimulates the clit in a way that rubbing up and down on an object just can't do, she will be amazed at the intensity of the orgasms she will be able to achieve. Oh and one more thing: she should invest in some rechargeable batteries—she'll need them!

Thanks for your great column, I read it every week!

Mom Obsessed With Clitoral Stimulation


Comments (5) RSS

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Personally, I find using a vibrator during sex frustrating, even though I try to use it because I also have difficultly orgasming through sex alone. Either the vibrator's setting is too low that I can barely feel it, or it's too high and it's numbing and I can't even really feel or enjoy the sex that's happening. Also, the constant movement makes it so I can't really get a steady build doing on my clit (when I masturbate with a vibrator, I'm very still, and even then it's still hard for me), so I end up just getting more frustrated than I would if I wasn't using it at all.

It's like... if I can't get off during just sex, I feel like that's normal, and a lot of other women are that way. But if I can't even get off with sex *and* a vibrator, I just feel broken.
Posted by donaisabelle on August 9, 2014 at 10:55 AM · Report this
I'm the same way with vibrators and sex, but I still think CRUD should use them to get a different sensation during masturbation.

After I introduced the vibrator into my life, I had a much easier time using my hands, and knowing what was working for me in oral.

For me, there's a real difference between a pillow orgasm and a vibrator orgasm.
Posted by LadyJane on August 9, 2014 at 12:01 PM · Report this
nocutename 3
See, this is why I hate those prescriptive pronouncements (Let me tell you the right way to masturbate): because when they don't work, people feel like failures.
I think Dan does a grave disservice by running letters like this as if this one person's technique was the definitive solution for every woman who orgasms by using a pillow (or maybe for every non-orgasmic woman). I don't think he'd do it about something that affects men and orgasm, because he realizes that there is no one-size-fits-all orgasm or masturbation technique for men, but his ignorance of women leads him to things like this.

Unless we're talking G-spot stimulation, or oral combined with fisting, I need to lie facedown to come 99% percent of the time. I also need a very specific kind of vibrator--neither the legendary Hitachi Magic Wand nor a bullet vibrator will do. I have also always found that trying to use a vibrator while having a partner penetrate me is awkward and doesn't work. Something's never where it should be.

I know what it's like to feel like everyone else can do it or gets to have it but you. That you're broken or a failure or somehow doing something wrong.

There is no technique, no tool, no position that works for everyone. Bodies and brains and responses are different.

I would encourage you firstly to find what really, really turns you on to think about--it might be something you're ashamed of in "real life." It might be something you think you shouldn't be aroused by. Read some erotica--lots of different kinds.
~Smoke marijuana--it really helps a lot of people.
~Try a variety of vibrators--if you need to be facedown, it sounds like you need a lot of pressure. Try a dildo/vibrator like that "rabbit" kind; try a separate dildo in addition to a vibrator.
~Are you using hormonal birth control? That can get in the way, dampening libido and hindering orgasm.
~Same goes for SSRI's used to treat depression and anxiety, like Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil. If you need medication for conditions like depression or anxiety, ask your doctor about ones that haven't demonstrated libido-dampening or orgasm-inhibiting effects. Wellbutrin is a good anti-depressant that doesn't have those side effects, but it doesn't help anxiety.
~You may also simply be too young. Sometimes women are anorgasmic until they're a bit older.

Don't buy into this universalism, and don't feel broken or inadequate. Keep trying, but try to do so without desperation.

Good luck!
Posted by nocutename on August 9, 2014 at 1:01 PM · Report this
CRUD didn't say anything about toys, did she? I surprised that wasn't mentioned straight off if that was the case.

I don't think the previous replies were 'universalist.' THEY weren't even bring up the Hitachi-as-universal-orgasm-problem-solver, which seems to be the universal, universalist trope.

If CRUD hasn't tried vibes, hell yes, give 'em a go. Perhaps with special attention to bullets, or the Wahl coil sort, which can be incorporated with PIV activity.
Posted by Polyphemus on August 10, 2014 at 3:08 PM · Report this
Am I the only one who didn't see CRUD's problem? Her guy thinks her masturbation technique is 'totally hot', and she can get off during PiV on top with him, which is way better than the average woman. I feel like she's comparing herself to fake orgasms in porn rather than accepting her body for what it can already do, reliably, and consistently. There are lots of women (and their male partners) who would love to have what she already has.
Posted by AdamWashington on August 10, 2014 at 10:04 PM · Report this

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