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Monday, August 4, 2014

There Has to Be a Better Way to Say "Really, Really Gay"

Posted by on Mon, Aug 4, 2014 at 9:30 AM

From a piece by June Thomas, writing at Slate, about whether queers still need queer resort towns like Provincetown:

The entertainment options, which are plentiful, are heavy on drag acts, lesbian comedians, and those performers often referred to as “gay icons.” (Last week, a banner advertised the upcoming appearance of Carol Channing and Tommy Tune at the Provincetown Town Hall, a double act that rates a 99 on a scale where 1 is totally straight and 100 is Judy Garland fisting Dan Savage.)

A dead straight woman fisting a live gay man is not so much "totally gay" as it is totally fucking creepy.


Comments (33) RSS

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raindrop 1
Take legal action, please.
Posted by raindrop on August 4, 2014 at 9:35 AM · Report this
TomJohnsonJr 2
Is there a better way that still gets you mentioned? If not, we flying monkeys say "don't bother."
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on August 4, 2014 at 9:41 AM · Report this
Fistique 3
Do queers still need queer anything? Everything seems basically hunky-dory now that we've won the right to assimilate.
Posted by Fistique on August 4, 2014 at 9:45 AM · Report this
fletc3her 4
It should at least have been Rock Hudson or Oscar Wilde.
Posted by fletc3her on August 4, 2014 at 9:53 AM · Report this
@4 wins.

I will admit that I laughed when I read the joke in-context in the article.
Posted by AdamWashington on August 4, 2014 at 9:58 AM · Report this
Do queers still need queer resort towns like Provincetown?? I felt this to be a very serious and important issue.

Until I scrolled down the page and saw a picture of a child throwing a rock in war torn, burning, burnt Jerusalem.
Posted by crumley on August 4, 2014 at 10:10 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 7
I would have settled for Dan Savage in an Easter bonnet.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on August 4, 2014 at 10:25 AM · Report this
You seem to have forgotten that the word "savage" already means "really, really gay."

Maybe we should use it more often?
Posted by robotslave on August 4, 2014 at 10:34 AM · Report this
seandr 9
...where 1 is totally straight and 100 is Dan Savage and Marcus Bachmann in a bidding war for Charles Nelson Reilly's neckerchief.
Posted by seandr on August 4, 2014 at 10:46 AM · Report this
raindrop 10
@4: I suggest Paul Lynde.
Posted by raindrop on August 4, 2014 at 11:08 AM · Report this
@3: I think we have a tendency to look at our victories, like the rapid advance of marriage equality, and to ignore the fact that many people still don't much like us. There was a recent study (I think from the Williams Institute) that reported that claimed a pretty large percentage of openly LGBT people reported job discrimination, including firings and lost promotions. There was another study making the rounds about a survey of LGBT college professors; most of them were closeted. I think exclusive/majority gay spaces offer a breather from worrying about that sort of thing.
Posted by Joe Glibmoron on August 4, 2014 at 11:22 AM · Report this
Would she be singing The Man Who Got Away or the Trolley Song as she did this?
Posted by kinaidos on August 4, 2014 at 11:29 AM · Report this
The Beatles 14
So if this is the new gold standard of "totally gay", then what action constitutes "totally straight"?

I propose Ward Cleaver fisting Brigham Young.

Posted by The Beatles on August 4, 2014 at 11:49 AM · Report this
Corylea 16
Carol Channing is still alive? Wow. (Sorry, Dan, I'm afraid I find that the most surprising thing here. :-D)
Posted by Corylea on August 4, 2014 at 12:17 PM · Report this
What a way to end a vacation. Glad you're back, though.
Posted by KCFrance on August 4, 2014 at 12:43 PM · Report this
brandon 18
A woman fisting a man is a striaght move isn't it?

Liberace fisting Dan would have made a little more sense. But I think there are MUCH gayer people to choose from for this silly analogy other than Dan.
Posted by brandon on August 4, 2014 at 1:00 PM · Report this
@11 Your point is well taken, but there's another, more basic reason for have gay resorts (and gayborhoods too for that matter): I like being around other gay guys.

Which isn't to say I don't like hanging out with my straight friends. But it's really really cool having a space to ourselves (one reason I'm not typically drawn to gay bars the attract a lot of straight women).
Posted by Corydon on August 4, 2014 at 1:21 PM · Report this
@19: True. Most of my close friends are straight dudes or lesbians, so hanging out in a space filled with gay guys is refreshing. Personally, I've never minded straight women in gay bars, but then I've never had the misfortune to encounter one of the drunken bachelorette parties that raise so much ire.
Posted by Joe Glibmoron on August 4, 2014 at 1:25 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 21
@16 - Just barely. I have a Google news alert with her name on it. Any day now.
Posted by MacCrocodile on August 4, 2014 at 2:47 PM · Report this
Go under the Dock at P-town at 11:30 at night. That would be really, really gay.
Posted by pat L on August 4, 2014 at 6:13 PM · Report this
Knat 23
No, that seems about right to me.
Posted by Knat on August 4, 2014 at 7:00 PM · Report this
How very weird is that scenario. And yes, so creepy. WTF. What sort of strange twisted mind would think that one up.
It's very offensive , Dan. And I hope you can shrug it off and take some action to shut this person up.
Posted by LavaGirl on August 4, 2014 at 8:44 PM · Report this
nocutename 25
Dan, how insulting; you deserve to be fisted by a living gay icon. What's Bette Middler, Cher, or Liza Minnelli up to tonight?
Posted by nocutename on August 4, 2014 at 11:49 PM · Report this
Alanmt 28
I heard "gayer than Zac Efron licking Justin Bieber's nipple" in a slam poem once.
Posted by Alanmt on August 5, 2014 at 6:12 AM · Report this
Yes, we should call it "JFD-Gay" or simply jfd for short.
Posted by Park on August 5, 2014 at 8:49 AM · Report this
Sandiai 30
LOL, 26:

Oscar Wilde, dressed as Dorothy, fisting Dan, dressed as Toto, narrated by Lynde, dressed as the Wicked Witch. Although I can also see Dan dressed as the Witch. He could make that look good.

PS, I hope you're a Libra.
Posted by Sandiai on August 5, 2014 at 8:54 AM · Report this
I Hate Screen Names 31
On a scale of 1 to 100, with 1 being "totally straight" and 100 being "Marcus Bachmann's fantasies so he can keep it up while fucking Michele."
Posted by I Hate Screen Names on August 5, 2014 at 12:52 PM · Report this
nocutename 32
Thank you #31.

eastcoastlibrarian: I think your failure with Oscar Wilde is more a factor of his not being alive than that you're a straight woman. After all, were he alive, he could always close his eyes and think of Zac Efron. I mean, that's what I always do.
Posted by nocutename on August 5, 2014 at 1:41 PM · Report this
Gross image . Cuddle Dan.
Posted by LavaGirl on August 5, 2014 at 8:42 PM · Report this
That is ; cuddle, Dan?
Posted by LavaGirl on August 5, 2014 at 8:43 PM · Report this
No self-respecting gay fantasy would oblige Mr B, who, if it were possible through one's actions ever to thoroughly disqualify oneself from ever being on the receiving end of even the mildest form of same-sex affection, would be at the top of the list.

Lots of LMBs in this thread, which is at least in keeping with the original image, although, in her defence, Ms Thomas is not a great assimialtionsit.
Posted by vennominon on August 5, 2014 at 10:38 PM · Report this
aureolaborealis 37
@26,30: That's .. that's quite an act you've got there. What's it called?
Posted by aureolaborealis on August 7, 2014 at 12:21 PM · Report this
@3 yes. Yes, we do.

I live in NYC, and my gf and I have only had people make rude comments at us three times in two years. 99.99% of the people we interact with are perfectly fine with us being a couple and not just 'really close friends', and we feel comfortable and relaxed most everywhere we go and can hold hands in public without needing to check our surroundings.

But whenever we decide to go to a queer place, like a gay bar or fire island, there's just a little piece of tension dropping that you didn't even notice you were tensing normally. It's just an extra level of relaxed comfort, and you can't notice you aren't at that level without it.

Conversely, I've brought straight people to events and places like that and they found themselves feeling awkward/tense/out of place to pretty much the same extent.

Until there's absolutely no difference spending time in a queer place and spending time anywhere else, they're still needed.
Posted by tal on August 7, 2014 at 10:51 PM · Report this

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