I should say up front that I do not knit. I had to weave a basket for my fifth grade art class, but was unable to make the sides go up. I cried when I got a gentleman’s C-minus for my woven coaster and have not dabbled in the fiber arts since.

Despite having no specific need for knitting tools, I still cashed in my ticket for a pair of free Mariners yarn scissors at yesterday's 10th annual Stitch 'n Pitch. It felt kind of cool to receive an object that could be used as a weapon at a baseball game. No one in the Stitch ’n Pitch section seemed likely to go on a stabbing spree, but given the security it takes to get into a professional sporting event, I was still surprised to see hundreds of pairs of scissors being given away. I have a vague memory of getting a full-sized bat once at the Kingdome when I was a kid, but I feel like you can no longer get away with giving out 15,000 bats in our post 9/11 world.

Nonetheless, the Mariners should bring back bat day.

There were a good number of knit hats with Mariners-themed teal accents, but the tacky baseball sweater count was disappointingly low. I was really hoping for some baseball-themed Christmas getups, or an ill-conceived llama wool tribute to Chone Figgins that was started when everyone thought Figgins would be great and was finished only out of obligation months after it became clear that he never would produce in a Mariners jersey. That said, many of the yarn shops with stalls at the event were selling pre-wound balls of wool in Mariners and Seahawks colors. Hopefully by next year’s event someone will have completed an ill-conceived Justin Smoak themed shawl.

At one point the Mariners Moose came to our section sporting a novelty set of oversized knitting needles. How many years of Stitch 'n Pitch did it take for someone to supply the team's mascot with novelty knitting needles? Where is the closet full of ultra-specific Moose paraphernalia where these novelty knitting needles are kept on days that aren't Stitch 'n Pitch? Can I visit this closet? Please?

The Mariners almost scored a run in the first inning, but James Jones was thrown out at home plate in a play that was then scrutinized using the league's new instant replay review system. As this was happening, a man in an NRA hat and a knockoff Realtree camouflage onesie turned around and told me, quite out of the blue, "This video stuff is gonna kill the game." Imagine how long it would take to contextualize this situation for, say, two recent immigrants from Sweden who have never seen a baseball game before, and were only at Safeco Field because they have friends in the city's knitting community. The answer is eighteen minutes.

I would have given anything for NRA-hat man to pull out a half-completed sweater and get to work. Alas he did not. Very disappointing. Also, maybe the team shouldn't bring back bat day.

In a group of knitters, a good icebreaker is, "So, what kind of yarn is that?"

Let me add, as a non-knitting baseball fan, the baseball game itself was not as exciting as all the knitting talk. Mariners starter Hisashi Iwakuma, who is generally very good, put together six very good innings. Unfortunately, he pitched for seven innings, and his one very bad inning gave the Mariners a four-run deficit to overcome. The team's offense meanwhile, which is generally not very good, was specifically not very good against Orioles starter Wei-Yin Chen and failed to produce much of anything in their 4-0 loss. The game was only noteworthy in so far as the Mariners entered the game clinging to the final playoff spot in the American League, and spent the evening letting go of the edge of the rocky crag that is access to baseball's postseason. Now, I fear, we enter the plummeting phase of the baseball season, as the team collectively falls back towards the crevasse of mediocrity that they have resided in for the past decade. With the Seahawks season around the corner and the Sounders playing the best football in North America at the moment, this does not bode well for Mariners attendance going forward.

To be fair to this game, it may prove to be noteworthy in hindsight, as it featured the Major League debut of young shortstop Chris Taylor. Unfortunately for Taylor's chances of becoming interesting enough to make his debut retroactively exciting, he plays for the Mariners.

Sitting in a section full of people knitting and crocheting was revelatory; watching baseball while making a sweater is the best way to watch the game. Baseball viewership all but demands a manual task. Even the players spend the game packing chewing tobacco into their lips, keeping score, or pounding through a bag of sunflower seeds.

Stitch 'n Pitch began in Seattle and now happens annually in 26 of the 30 Major League ballparks. The event was the brainchild of the owner of Madison Valley yarn store Tricoter and a former Mariners PR director, along with this year's primary sponsor Pacific Fabrics & Crafts. (I mention these stores by name only because they are not Hobby Lobby or Amazon, and therefore should be considered for your yarn purchasing needs.)

Credit to the Mariners for giving one of our city's subcultures a place to gather (aside from “What kind of yarn is that?” my second most frequently overheard phrase was, “All my knitting friends are here”) but beyond that, credit to all involved for teaching me a better way to watch baseball.