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Thursday, July 3, 2014

Happy 4th of July! Don't Blow Your Balls Off

Posted by on Thu, Jul 3, 2014 at 9:01 AM

  • Kelly O


Comments (22) RSS

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Fnarf 1
If you're in the city, no fireworks. If you're in the country, knock yourself out, but get drunk afterward, not before, have a hose ready, and clean up your shit when you're done.
Posted by Fnarf on July 3, 2014 at 9:20 AM · Report this
looking forward to holding my dogs hand all night.
Posted by derpyderpington on July 3, 2014 at 9:29 AM · Report this
Our half-Canadian household was pleased to hear the young people of the CD celebrating Canada Day on Tuesday with fireworks. And also July 2nd. And June 30th, come to think of it.
Posted by ssmary on July 3, 2014 at 9:42 AM · Report this
monkey 4
I don't care if you blow your hand/balls/head off. I DO care if you light someone else's home on fire.

So, if you're the only one who can get hurt? Knock yourself out. The world needs a few less stupid people.
Posted by monkey on July 3, 2014 at 9:47 AM · Report this
Call me Scott 5
Noise is imposition . . . explosive noise is violent imposition.
Posted by Call me Scott on July 3, 2014 at 9:49 AM · Report this
The more sophomoric idiots that blow their balls off, the better we will all be.
Posted by stanm on July 3, 2014 at 10:10 AM · Report this
deepeyes 7
What is it they say - humans aren't the only animals on the planet, we just act like it? Your right to play with minor explosives ends where every other creatures' right not to be terrified and endangered begins.
Posted by deepeyes on July 3, 2014 at 10:11 AM · Report this
I know someone who was badly burned by regular sparklers, bought from a proper store. He was lighting the sparkler for his little girl to hold, and it exploded in his hand. I've never been near consumer fireworks since.
Posted by originalcinner on July 3, 2014 at 10:24 AM · Report this

Some of the talent appearing at Kent's Lake Meridian prior to the Fireworks Concert:

5:15 – 6:00 p.m.
The Female Fiends
Indie Pop band that will make you dance

6:30 – 7:15 p.m.
Dylan Jakobsen
Alt country from Seattle!

8:00 – 9:30 p.m.
LeRoy Bell
One of the most talented musicians in the Northwest!

Full schedule:
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on July 3, 2014 at 10:28 AM · Report this
Yay but knock it off after midnight.
Posted by twitch on July 3, 2014 at 10:35 AM · Report this
anyone who votes no can go on and git out.
Posted by Chester Copperpot on July 3, 2014 at 10:36 AM · Report this
Yes to fireworks.

No to small obnoxious animals who are afraid of fireworks. Why aren't those things banned yet? They're a public nuisance.
Posted by GermanSausage on July 3, 2014 at 10:43 AM · Report this
Hernandez 13
I feel kinda bad for those with animals who get agitated by fireworks. Then again, it's not like fireworks are the only sudden loud noises in the world, so hopefully you've got a plan to help keep them calm. I'm fortunate that my cats don't give a shit.
Posted by Hernandez on July 3, 2014 at 10:50 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 14

@4 Mostly, you just get more stupid people missing a finger. Unless the chemical reaction is:

stupid person --> non-stupid person + severed digit

Which could happen, at some level.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on July 3, 2014 at 10:54 AM · Report this
Gurldoggie 15
There's nothing any of you can say that will make me put down this lighter.
Posted by Gurldoggie on July 3, 2014 at 11:51 AM · Report this
care bear 16
Whose dog will Lisa Dank steal this year?
Posted by care bear on July 3, 2014 at 12:01 PM · Report this
Chinese fireworks are made in China with all the trappings of Chinese quality control. In other words, if the wrapper looks okay, they ship. Take that into consideration when handling them.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on July 3, 2014 at 12:22 PM · Report this
What could be more American than blowin' shit up?

Yeah, over-eating, maybe ... but over-eating and then blowin' shit up is definitely the American Way.
Posted by RonK, Seattle on July 3, 2014 at 1:28 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 19
I don't necessarily have a problem with fireworks on the Fourth. What gets my hackles up is fireworks on the 29th, 30th, First, Second, Third, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, and Tenth. Go fuck yourself forever if you pull that shit.

I'm very gratified that my new neighborhood so far seems to lack that particular breed of asshole.
Posted by keshmeshi on July 3, 2014 at 2:54 PM · Report this
Fnarf 20
@19, in past years we had a butthead neighbor who shot off two or three bottle rockets every night for a month after every fourth. So fucking annoying. Just shoot your load and stop, ugh.
Posted by Fnarf on July 3, 2014 at 6:36 PM · Report this
@10: Agreed.
Posted by Hanoumatoi on July 3, 2014 at 8:23 PM · Report this
Hey, Murricans--if you don't care about bothering your neighbors and your neighbors' pets, how about supporting our PTSD-suffering vets and holding off on the un-scheduled nearby explosions?
Posted by fruitbat on July 4, 2014 at 10:00 AM · Report this

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