The Enemy of Our Enemy Is... Iran. In other Iran news: Iranian TV is broadcasting a show that's a scene-by-scene rip off Modern Family—minus Mitch & Cam and girls talking to boys.

The Worst Are Full of Passionate Intensity: An angry mob of flag-waving, tea-bagging assholes, bus-blockading prevent 150 undocumented migrants—most of them women and children—from reaching a immigration processing center in Texas. But some good people in the Big D prove that not everyone in Texas is a flag-waving, tea-bagging asshole.

Short Answers to Stupid Questions: The NYT asks: "Can the G.O.P. Be a Party of Ideas?" The Stranger answers: "Yes. Bad ones."

All The Single Ladies: Most single women voted for the Democrat in the last presidential election. The GOP seems determined to make sure they all do in 2016.

All The Cannibal Cops: Well, there was just one. And he never actually ate anybody. And an appeals court judge just overturned his conviction.

No One Could Have Predicted: Raving anti-gay Catholic archbishop under investigation for sexing priests and seminarians—but Archbishop John Nienstedt isn't alleged to have put his dick in any "minors or lay members of the faithful" so, you know, no biggie.

Unanswered Questions: Colorado got pot stores months after voters decriminalized marijuana there—so what took so fucking long here? And why just one?

What Do Haters Hate Almost As Much As the People They Hate? Being quoted.

Fifty Greatest Love Poems of the Last 50 Years: The Guardian has the list.

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs: The economy added 281,000 news ones in June—and for a change they weren't all shitty, minimum-wage jobs.

We Need More Than Marriage: Eleven ways LGBT people remain unequal.

Off Target: Retail giant asks open-carry pygmies to openly carry their precious widdle guns elsewhere.

USA! USA! USA! How to bake an American flag cake for the 4th.