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Tuesday, July 1, 2014

SL Letter of the Day: A Glorious Chorus

Posted by on Tue, Jul 1, 2014 at 4:02 PM

G'day Dan! It's Groom To Be. Thank you so much for your quick and clear answer to my question about my future in-laws. We had hoped for some great enlightenment and instruction, but you were right that what we really need is patience. My fiancé's parents will do whatever they do and we'll have to be the stronger ones to define the rules for them to become part of our modern family.

Also thank you for posting our letter on your blog. While it's exciting to have Dan Savage swearing his advice at you, it was surprisingly comforting to receive all of the comments from your readers—from average straight people to couples who have faced the same rejection that we are either as gay couples or inter-racial couples or inter-faith couples. Listening to the podcast, you think that "Savage Love" is just the voice of Dan Savage. But actually, you've created a community of loudmouthed but loving people just like yourself! I don't think that we would've been able to truly believe your advice if you hadn't had a chorus of amateur advice-columnists seconding you!

Groom To Be

My response to GTB—my thank-you note for his thank-you note—after the jump, along with another request/demand for advice from that kid whose questions absolutely, positively require a response.


Thank you for the lovely note, GTB—and thank you for giving me the opportunity to acknowledge and thank the wonderful community of compassionate loudmouths who pour into the comments threads on SLLOTD every day and in the column every week. Their wisdom, insight, and advice is sometimes—sometimes—better than my own. I don't jump into the comments threads often, because I get to have my say in the posts/columns, but I do read them and I'm often in awe of my chorus of volunteer advice-columnists. I learn something new every week—like the difference between homonyms and homophones.

Speaking of which: Hey, chorus... remember that kid from last week who sent in a few questions and then wrote back again and again demanding answers? He's baaaaaaack...

Can you please respond to my emails and answer my questions? Please! Looking forward to hearing back from you. I am your biggest fan ever.—R.R.

I already answered your questions!—Dan

Thank you. I have more questions. How long can your penis ejaculate for? Does it feel better to masturbate with someone else doing it to your penis or does it feel better doing it for yourself?—R.R.

I answered R.R.'s first four questions—three more questions than I'll usually answer for any one reader. So I'm tossing R.R.'s last two questions to the chorus, those loudmouthed but loving people who make the "Savage Love" comment threads such an enjoyable and educational read. I trust you guys will give R.R. the answers—and the attention—he craves.


Comments (35) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
GTB, hope you guys have fun!
RR, speaking as a woman, which I am.. No f...... clue how long you can ejaculate for.. And really, you have to ask Dan if it's better to have someone else do it for you or do it yourself.. Think boy( cause with these questions, I sure hope that's what you are), wouldn't you rather some loving person right there giving you a tug, then be on your own.. Forever pondering these very deep questions?
Posted by LavaGirl on July 1, 2014 at 4:14 PM · Report this
RR, sometimes it feels better when someone else is there, sometimes it doesn't. It depends on the skill and desire of the other person (not to mention how you feel about that person). It also depends on your skill and patience for masturbation. It also goes without saying that part of the reward of someone else doing it is the connection to that other person - can't get that on your own. And sometimes you don't get it even if someone else is in the room - it's about being in sync with that other person. In short, you're comparing apples and oranges. Both can taste great, both can be good for you, both can also be spoiled, but no matter what, they won't taste exactly the same.
Posted by Centrists Rule the World today on July 1, 2014 at 4:32 PM · Report this
GTB, Congrats on your wedding, and yes, patience for your new in-laws. As long as you and your new hubby put your relationship first, and as long as you work to stay in tune with each other, it is all good. Let the in-laws bitch all they want. They will either come around or not, but that is their choice.

RR, Film yourself. Time it. Whatever. Do you need Dan to teach you everything? I'm assuming you have a brain, so now you just gotta figure out how to use it. Good luck.
Posted by SeattleKim on July 1, 2014 at 4:41 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 4
This person sounds too young for my advice.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on July 1, 2014 at 4:53 PM · Report this
rob! 5
Some RWNJ trying to entice Dan into sexytalk? Ask Anthony to scope out the IP address?

"How long can your penis ejaculate for?" —Hourz n hourz. U must be doin it rong. O, u ment how far? Milez.
Posted by rob! on July 1, 2014 at 5:09 PM · Report this
See, this is why Dan's next book has to be the facts of life for teenagers and young adults. Unless he's already published that book and I'm just not in the loop. In which case, never mind.
Posted by Pope Buck I on July 1, 2014 at 5:16 PM · Report this
RR, I assume by "masturbate" you mean manually, and I say you're asking the wrong question as the best non-penetrative sex is oral. Hands are great but oral is king.
Posted by wxPDX on July 1, 2014 at 5:39 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 8
Not sure who provides your email service, but I'm fairly certain that provider offers the option to block specific senders. I'd suggest you do so for that idiot, lame question asking weirdo.
Posted by mikethehammer on July 1, 2014 at 5:53 PM · Report this
ragu 9
Ah yes, thank you ever so much Dan for mansplaining how much you value the rest of us little people--your "chorus" of those of us who happen to not be white dudes--for the great privilege of getting to be your assistants. What you are imposing here is not activism, it is male ego and privilege masquerading as something radical, and it silences the voices that matter.

In case you are interested, there is actually a vital and active community of LGBT people, feminists, and People of Color who work every day to advance the greater good in the world, and they are NOT sitting around waiting for handouts from condescending male bourgeois elite born with a silver megaphone in their mouths.
Posted by ragu on July 1, 2014 at 6:17 PM · Report this
He's comically clueless. My guess is Dan is reminding us all that he has to wade through many insistent and often exasperating inquiries.
Posted by Functional Atheist on July 1, 2014 at 6:20 PM · Report this
Based on the inane questions and sub-par English, I imagine RR as a young man in a repressed country who somehow got ahold of Dan's email address. Or just a very happy troll.
Posted by chi_type on July 1, 2014 at 6:29 PM · Report this
@5 & 9 lol
Posted by EricaP on July 1, 2014 at 6:45 PM · Report this
@11 my trolldar is going off also. If he's not a troll he sounds like a clueless pain in the ass--likely very young but a pita nonetheless. Dude, play with yourself and try not to be a jerk to boys/girls you like--do those two things and your questions will be answered in due time. Now please leave Dan alone so he/we can get to some questions about disastrous three ways, underly sadistic Doms, and twincest.
Posted by jujubee80 on July 1, 2014 at 6:51 PM · Report this
Philly 14
Autistic maybe?
Posted by Philly on July 1, 2014 at 7:00 PM · Report this
RR, are you 13? Because your questions will be answered all in good time. In the meantime play with yourself, learn what works, and whatever you do don't grip too hard. Cuz having the other person stroke you can be magnificent.
Posted by phuni44 on July 1, 2014 at 7:07 PM · Report this
Bonefish 16
Sounds like Rick Santorum is attempting to get some anonymous sex advice.
Posted by Bonefish on July 1, 2014 at 7:39 PM · Report this
"9, couldn't it be male ego and privilege activism?
Posted by LavaGirl on July 1, 2014 at 8:17 PM · Report this
Meant to say, no9, no9, no9..
Posted by LavaGirl on July 1, 2014 at 8:19 PM · Report this
These two follow-ups really ought not to have been combined, even though it seems reasonable to request pictures from both - wedding pictures from the grooms, and the pushy one ought to be reminded that the claim of being Mr Savage's Biggest Fan is only credible if accompanied by pictorial or video evidence.
Posted by vennominon on July 1, 2014 at 8:35 PM · Report this
Cat in fez 20
Maybe all the commenters could pool together and get R.R. a BUNCH of teen sex-ed links. Which is the friendliest and best way for us to say "go the fuck away, kid".

Here's one: Scarleteen. You don't even need to be a teen to benefit, and you can send in questions, R.R.!

If he's in a country that blocks Scarleteen, but not the Slog? Then my little fuzzy brain just exploded and I can't help any more.
Posted by Cat in fez on July 1, 2014 at 9:02 PM · Report this
MythicFox 21
I'm starting to suspect that R.R. might actually be a teenage girl trying to write gay male erotica and too lazy to do her own research.
Posted by MythicFox on July 1, 2014 at 10:18 PM · Report this
Alanmt 22
My answers:

Q1: Hopefully as long as I am alive.

Q2: Yes.
Posted by Alanmt on July 2, 2014 at 5:39 AM · Report this
The Stranger threat suggests "The Stranger"…
Posted by straanger? on July 2, 2014 at 5:42 AM · Report this
Does RR remind anyone else of that song "Stan" by Eminem?
Posted by wcgecw on July 2, 2014 at 5:46 AM · Report this
SoUt 25
RR Your questions imply that you have no experience. I'm not gonna give you answers. Learn about it the way we all learned about it before we had sex. If you are still a little kid, you will have to wait, just like we all had to. If you are nervous, you are probably in good company. I of course have more to say, but I keep thinking LW is like, 11 years old.

Posted by SoUt on July 2, 2014 at 6:26 AM · Report this
How long can you ejaculate? Well, in my case 44 years and counting.
Posted by Texans on July 2, 2014 at 6:45 AM · Report this
Helix 27
RR is a pretty obvious (and bad) troll.
Posted by Helix on July 2, 2014 at 9:53 AM · Report this
AFinch 28
@27 I think RR is a friendly troll.

Posted by AFinch on July 2, 2014 at 10:32 AM · Report this
Arsfrisco 29
@28 a friendly GREEN troll
Posted by Arsfrisco on July 2, 2014 at 10:42 AM · Report this
@dan "I learn something new every week—like the difference between homonyms and homophones."

Teh gays -- everything's always homo this, homo that.
Posted by delta35 on July 2, 2014 at 11:03 AM · Report this
This is what happens when you reward bad behavior.

@9 FTW, though.
Posted by Chase on July 2, 2014 at 2:12 PM · Report this
Advice to RR:

Use google. Read some books--educational or otherwise. Experiment with yourself. Date. Look for your own answers.

If you are looking for what all these things are like "for everyone else," stop. What everyone else is doing isn't important. How their bodies work, what they like, what they don't like, is probably different from you. Listen to others and to yourself for answers. Don't wait on someone else to give them to you.
Posted by kellarules on July 2, 2014 at 3:35 PM · Report this
R.R., usually ejaculation is very fast. Like, one second maybe. But some men can ejaculate for longer amounts of time. Some men can be continuously, slowly letting out ejaculate as they are being stimulated. The men I knew like that trained themselves to do that. They were serious students of sensuality, I can't tell you all the details of the training here, but I can tell you that it begins with a course called Basic Sensuality.

Here is one way to increase the pleasure of manual stimulation: rub on your penis (or clitoris, if you're female) until you feel yourself getting close to climax, then back off for a moment before "going over the edge". Then do the same thing again. Do this several times again and again. You can build sensation this way. You can also do this for someone else.

As far as it feeling better to masturbate yourself or have someone else do it, often times people come better by themselves because they know how to do it best for themselves. But you can communicate this info to another person. If another person learns exactly how is best for you, they can actually get you off better than you can get yourself off because they can take some control away and overwhelm you with the sensation. You can't take control away from yourself.
Posted by Violet415 on July 3, 2014 at 10:38 AM · Report this
sissoucat 34
I'm a bit disappointed in this ragu post. Did you lose the fire ?
Posted by sissoucat on July 4, 2014 at 1:57 PM · Report this
"Compassionate loudmouths." Yup, that's us.
Posted by DRF on July 6, 2014 at 7:18 PM · Report this

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