Being a feminist is a struggle. It is a Sisyphean push to gain new, cutting-edge knowledge about oppressed groups that is never completed, all toward the noble goal of shoving your liberal cred in the face of other feminists to assert your superior unoppressiveness. But have no fear, my fellow feminists, for I have claimed the title of best feminist ever once and for all. You, my new subjects, can stop clawing at each other for meager ally points, since my total score is so ridiculous that no other shall come close for millennia and beyond.

But what, you must be wondering with bated breath, is this daring activism I have accomplished to earn such a glorious title? What have I done to become Super Mega Awesome Leader of Feminism for Life?

I am in love with a trans woman. Here is an artist's rendering of me playing the theremin in triumph:

  • Illustration by Quinn Rosenberg

Did that image give you enough time to catch your breath? Have you retrieved your monocle from your champagne glass of male tears? I hope for your sake that you have, because it doesn't stop there!