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Friday, June 27, 2014

SL Letters of the Day: Response Required

Posted by on Fri, Jun 27, 2014 at 2:57 PM

I have some questions. Can your penis be soar if you masturbate three or four times a day? Does lube help when you are masturbating your penis? Is it hard to have sex with an uncircumcised penis? How far can the penis go in the vagina?

R.R.

Can you please answer my questions when you have time? I hope I can hear back from you soon

R.R.

Can you please answer my questions sometime this week? I really want to hear back from you. I am your biggest fan.

R.R.

Can you please answer my questions soon? Do you ever travel to Wisconsin? That would be great. Then I could meet you in person. I am your biggest fan ever

R.R.

Okay! Okay! My response is after the jump!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

If your penis soars after masturbation then someone is spiking your lube with C-4—sorry, sorry. That's a cheap shot. I messed up two homonyms in yesterday's SLLOTD, so I'm in no position to pick on you, R.R., for mixing up sore and soar.

If you're beating off three or four times a day, R.R., then your penis can and most likely will be somewhat sore when you're done beating it. My advice: If you're experiencing post-beating soreness, give your cock a longer break between beatings. Read a book, maybe watch some OITNB, and then try using a lighter touch and more lube the next time you jack off—because, yes, lube really does help when you're masturbating your penis (or someone else's).

Moving on: It's not harder to have sex with an uncircumcised penis. Look at it this way: If foreskins made sex more difficult, R.R., evolutionary forces would've selected against foreskins and they would've disappeared long before we appeared. Some men do have problems with their foreskins—phimosis, for example—that require medical intervention. But a normal, functional foreskin shouldn't interfere with normal sexual intercourse—oral, anal, or vaginal. The fact that some men have problems with their foreskins doesn't mean you have to have your foreskin cut off. Some women are going to get breast cancer, R.R., and some men are going to get testicular cancer—but we don't cut off everyone's breasts and balls just to be safe.

And finally: most penises can go all the way in most vaginas. If you're not freakishly well-endowed—if your penis isn't gigantic—and you're having difficulty getting it all the way in your partner's vagina, try engaging in a lot more foreplay, opening up (and using) a big bottle of lube, and/or enjoying other forms of sex (oral, manual, non-penetrative sex).

 

Comments (36) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Porcupine 1
I'd like to enter in today's Spot the Homonym Contest: "you're penis". Or was that intentional since it refers to a gigantic one?
Posted by Porcupine on June 27, 2014 at 3:09 PM · Report this
rob! 2
your penis (last ΒΆ).
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on June 27, 2014 at 3:11 PM · Report this
fletc3her 4
I rubbed myself raw a few times when I was younger, but I actually wonder now if it was an undiagnosed case of eczema. Mild eczema can be cleared up by applying a skin moisturizer like Aveeno a couple times a day and particularly right after a bath or shower.
Posted by fletc3her on June 27, 2014 at 3:24 PM · Report this
brandon 5
phimosis that isn't too severe can be treated with stretching techniques. You have to be careful when you talk to your Dr. about it because a lot of them knee-jerk to a circumcision.
Posted by brandon on June 27, 2014 at 3:24 PM · Report this
6
RR. Even if you can pull back your foreskin (if you have one) when you masturbate it can be quite tight the first few times you have penetrative sex (anal or vaginal).
You can even tear the foreskin in such circumstances - all the more reason for wearing condoms.
Search for foreskin stretching techniques on-line, if you do have a tight one you will be glad you took the time to make it more flexible when you were on your own.
One good way of varying your masturbation technique is to use the other hand (e.g. left hand if you are right handed) a different side of the brain is doing it and tends to have a different style.
Posted by truck on June 27, 2014 at 3:28 PM · Report this
7
It's like the advice-column version of my okcupid inbox.
Posted by lucy990 on June 27, 2014 at 3:29 PM · Report this
venomlash 8
@3: You forgot the best one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Xkw5qZx…
Posted by venomlash on June 27, 2014 at 3:29 PM · Report this
9
I think Dan's making a big leap to assume this guy has a partner ... anyone else get the impression he's never had sex? Maybe a trip to Barnes & Noble is in order.
Posted by Escapee from S. Idaho on June 27, 2014 at 3:30 PM · Report this
10
I think any male admirer of Mr Savage or his writing claiming to be his biggest fan must automatically include pictorial or video evidence demonstrating just how big or else be relegated in perpetuity to a list of Mr Savage's Smallest Admirers.

He should also be a same-sexer, because it would be really depressing for poor Mr Savage if his Biggest Fan would deny him the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of his labours.
Posted by vennominon on June 27, 2014 at 3:37 PM · Report this
11
"most penises can go all the way in most vaginas" ... yeah, but remember, this is Dan's BIGGEST fan.

On that account, I'd think he's equally at risk for a sore arm.
Posted by RonK, Seattle on June 27, 2014 at 3:46 PM · Report this
rob! 12
@8, 10: virtual round of drinks.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on June 27, 2014 at 3:47 PM · Report this
rob! 13
You too, RonK.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on June 27, 2014 at 3:48 PM · Report this
14
Bless your heart, Dan.
Posted by remarkablyadept on June 27, 2014 at 3:53 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 15
Apparently the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Or whatever is his lubricant of choice.
Posted by mikethehammer on June 27, 2014 at 3:59 PM · Report this
Ziggity 16
How is babby formed?
Posted by Ziggity on June 27, 2014 at 4:10 PM · Report this
17
@11, I think you mean soar arm.
Posted by Tor on June 27, 2014 at 4:36 PM · Report this
18
But does Dan ever go to Wisconsin? The one question he forgot to answer! (Or maybe a restraining order will answer it for him.)
Posted by bija on June 27, 2014 at 4:48 PM · Report this
19
@9 - Not only do I think this guy has never had sex, I have the distinct impression he's about thirteen years old. He certainly needs to get hold of some good sex education reading material besides what he sees at Savage Love.
Posted by Calpete on June 27, 2014 at 6:13 PM · Report this
20
@19 If he finds all the guest columnists who are authors and reads their books, that would be a pretty thorough education. (I call this my Dan Savage Bookclub, though AFAIK it is just me in the club.)
Posted by wxPDX on June 27, 2014 at 7:05 PM · Report this
seatackled 21
@10, @18

I'm just thinking that Dan should avoid driving through Wisconsin in any snowstorms.
Posted by seatackled on June 27, 2014 at 7:40 PM · Report this
The Beatles 22
Dan, do you have any idea what a hole you've dug yourself in with this homonym business? You are wholly, hole-y, holy invested in this now.
Posted by The Beatles on June 27, 2014 at 8:48 PM · Report this
sirkowski 23
pls respond
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on June 27, 2014 at 9:27 PM · Report this
24
An FYI for the LW... After moving to Wisconsin a few years ago, I have learned that the dairy farmer boys swear by a product called Bag Balm. It's a conditioning balm used to keep the udders of dairy cows from getting chapped. It serves the same function for a well masturbated penis. I believe lanolin is the key ingredient. Available in all the finest farm supply stores and it comes in a very kitchy tin.
Posted by kwodell on June 28, 2014 at 5:22 AM · Report this
25
To the Letter Writer:

Foreskins make it easier for the penis to thrust in and out of a vagina, not harder. I don't know about its effects on thrusting in and out of asses.

And if you have a foreskin, you have a good amount of masturbating slack and don't need the lube as much as, say, Dan would. Part of the reason why you may not get what the big fuss is about lube is that you don't need it quite so much (it still can't hurt).
Posted by MichelleZB on June 28, 2014 at 8:20 AM · Report this
26
"Look at it this way: If foreskins made sex more difficult, R.R., evolutionary forces would've selected against foreskins and they would've disappeared long before we appeared."

Dan, Dan, Dan. this is just yet more evidence that GOD CREATED MAN with the FORESKIN precisely to make sex more difficult and less pleasurable. ;)
Posted by LML on June 28, 2014 at 8:23 AM · Report this
27
"Look at it this way: If foreskins made sex more difficult, R.R., evolutionary forces would've selected against foreskins and they would've disappeared long before we appeared."

Dan - if you're going all evo-bio about it, then please explain the existence of the hymen in female humans ...
Posted by Robby on June 28, 2014 at 1:12 PM · Report this
28
Actually, they are homophones. One cannot mess up homonyms when typing them, but can when reading them.
Posted by vab251 on June 28, 2014 at 3:45 PM · Report this
29
@ 21 FTW.
Posted by agony on June 28, 2014 at 6:22 PM · Report this
Registered European 30
And if you have a foreskin, you have a good amount of masturbating slack and don't need the lube as much as, say, Dan would.

"not as much as" as in "not at all", which makes sense since the goal of American secular circumcision was to make masturbation difficult (or so the story goes).
Posted by Registered European on June 28, 2014 at 10:44 PM · Report this
Registered European 31
On the other hand, if you are getting sore from jerking off too often then lube might indeed be helpful even if you are not circumcised.
Posted by Registered European on June 28, 2014 at 10:49 PM · Report this
sissoucat 32
@25 and 30

I concur. In my experience, nothing glides in the hand as smoothly as an intact hard penis, thanks to the extra folds of skin in the foreskin. It's one of the marvels of Nature.
Posted by sissoucat on June 29, 2014 at 3:37 AM · Report this
33
@26 LML - LMAO! you win the comment thread

@27 The hymen: see giraffe recurrent laryngeal nerve that loops from throat past heart and back up neck. Or vas deferens that loop up over uerters back down back down. Or the blood vessels of the retina in front of the nerve endings.

Plenty of maladaptive stuff exists due to evolution cause evo means selecting-from-whatever-came-before -- this leaves lots of random whit and poorly designed shit, because there isn't any intelligent design or planning. Most traits are adaptive. Not all.

Foreskins do seem adaptive.

As @25, 30, 32 say, foreskins are very functional in terms of smooth gliding / both masturbation and esp. penis-in-vagina sex.
Posted by delta35 on June 29, 2014 at 9:42 AM · Report this
sissoucat 34
@27 It's a corona, Robby. Not a "hymen". Get yourself educated.

Or do you still believe that rabbits are ruminants ? Hey, it's in the Bible ! God made rabbits, he wrote the Bible, he should know, right ?

Oh, and by the way, can you give us the "creation" reason why there's a visible outside seam parting your scrotum in two, Robby ? Although there is but one pouch inside, wherein your two gonads are free to move ? See, we too can play the "aren't your privates silly" game, Robby.
Posted by sissoucat on June 30, 2014 at 2:23 AM · Report this
Sketch 35
Words that sound alike but are spelled differently--sore/soar, you're/your, their/there, etc.--are HOMOPHONES, not homonyms.

Homonyms sound alike AND have the same spelling (but different meanings). For example "bark" as in what a dog does and "bark" as in the skin of a tree.
Posted by Sketch on July 1, 2014 at 12:34 AM · Report this
36
To #35: I think your being unfair. I re-read the kid's questions, and I didn't see anything that seemed like homophonia. He was not bigoted!!
Posted by Loyal reader on July 2, 2014 at 7:51 AM · Report this

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