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Thursday, June 26, 2014

How to Have Sex with a Trans Person

Posted by on Thu, Jun 26, 2014 at 2:24 PM

trans_sex_essay_underwear.jpg
  • Illustration by Lily Padula
Speed dating doesn't usually appeal to me. But when I saw a speed-dating event specifically for queer and trans people, I couldn't resist. I was traveling, and my expectations weren't very high, but there was one person I hit it off with. She was hanging out with trans friends, and all signs said she was perfectly safe.

Still, I must admit, there was a tinge of hesitation on my part. You'd be surprised how many people are fine with having trans friends but freak out at the prospect of a trans lover. After the event ended, I worked up the courage to make a move. Before I knew it, we were making out in a hotel room.

For trans people, sex can be an anxiety-laden issue. Sexuality has been used as the basis for a lot of discrimination against trans people, who are treated as sexual objects, and the medical system has a long history of putting trans people through twisted expectations around sexuality. For example, the first time I went to a therapist, out of the blue he asked me if I ever masturbated while wearing my mother's clothing.

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