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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Abortion: Won't Someone Please Think of the Men?

Posted by on Wed, Jun 11, 2014 at 10:28 AM

Men who supported their female partner's choice to terminate a pregnancy are encouraged to jump on Twitter and speak the fuck up—to @RecallAbortion and his followers...


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dnt trust me 1
My buddy's wife had two abortions, my brother paid for his lover's abortion. Contrary to people I read about on a computer screen, I don't often get righteous with value judgements on friends and family. Live and Let Die.
Posted by dnt trust me on June 11, 2014 at 10:45 AM · Report this
My husband and I have two beautiful, smart, conscientious adult children. His highschool girlfriend got pregnant, and he paid for the abortion. The two of them still had plenty of growing up to accomplish before taking on parenthood. She now has children with her husband, too.

None of our children would exist had those two teens tried to continue that pregnancy, so long ago.
Posted by wenchacha on June 11, 2014 at 10:59 AM · Report this
I Hate Screen Names 3
It is a happy Father's Day for men who have daughters, who can rest assured that their babies won't have their lives ruined by a single ill-advised decision-- or worse yet, from no decision at all.
Posted by I Hate Screen Names on June 11, 2014 at 11:07 AM · Report this
Tingleyfeeln 4
I'm not on Twitter, so I'll post here: I fathered an abortion once. Even though I knew it was really the best option for all involved, it still wasn't easy.
Some of these anti-choice types like to exploit the difficult feelings people have in the situation.
Just because you're doing the right thing doesn't mean it will feel good, especially at the time you're dealing with it.
Father's Day has never made me think of the child that never was. When I think of that situation, I have no doubt the right thing was done. Only anti-choice douchebags make me connect Father's Day and the abortion. I only mention the 2 together to advocate for choice
Posted by Tingleyfeeln on June 11, 2014 at 11:07 AM · Report this
According to the anti-choicers, no one would ever choose to have a kid if they had the choice of birth control and abortion. This seems to conflict with the idea that kids are magical creatures that guarantee you a happy rewarding life. Hm.
Posted by kellarules on June 11, 2014 at 11:17 AM · Report this
Every Father's Day I mourn the millions of my children that I murdered through masturbation. Sperm are alive. Sperm are human. At least human sperm are human. I am worse than Hitler because I fully intend to murder many millions more of my flagellated children. Tweet that shit, bitches.
Posted by kwodell on June 11, 2014 at 11:21 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 7
While I'm in favor of women always having full authority and control over their bodies, if the guys want to lament or be sad or sorry or angry or whatever, that's their right too.

She can abort or not, but after that, the guy can hate her for it or not and she has no say in his personal decision, nor does anyone else.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 11, 2014 at 11:46 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 8
I covered for my sixteen year old sister when she flew out of state to get an abortion. For one thing, my father was an asshole who would have disowned her if he found out she was pregnant. For another, the guy that did it was a real fucking shit. Something I once tried to tell her but she shut me up. She actually married the jerk a few years later. So once again, I supported her. I pretended to like him for her sake. Thank the universe she finally woke up to his assholery and never had anymore pregnancies with him. She became a born again Christian and called me hideous names when I came out. Life is a challenge.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on June 11, 2014 at 11:52 AM · Report this
@7, this is unfortunately not almost-dads who would have supported their kid's mother had she chosen to carry to term but supported her decision to abort, but have feelings of grief for that event that didn't happen for them.

This is sad feelings being used as a manipulative smoke screen to advocate for restricting choice.

Also any guy who -hates- a woman for aborting a fetus that had his genetic material? Just proves himself not-father-material.
Posted by Sathya on June 11, 2014 at 12:09 PM · Report this
Gern Blanston 10
"Life is a challenge." -Pope Peabrain

I heard that, Your Holiness.
Posted by Gern Blanston on June 11, 2014 at 12:20 PM · Report this
seandr 11
@kwodell: OMG, the wife just ate millions of human babies this morning! I'm married to a murderer and a cannibal!!
Posted by seandr on June 11, 2014 at 12:25 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 12
It is unfortunate, but it's also that guy's personal choice and decision.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 11, 2014 at 12:47 PM · Report this
As the father of a 3yr old little girl, and the creator of an aborted fetus, I'm VERY glad both my ex-wife and my current wife had the right to choose whether or not they wanted to have a child. And I'm very glad (and hopeful) my daughter will have that choice as well.
Posted by NateMan on June 11, 2014 at 1:10 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 15
@ 12, are we supposed to respect that choice?
Posted by Matt from Denver on June 11, 2014 at 2:12 PM · Report this
@7 Can you give me some insight on what it would be like for a man to hate a woman who had an abortion against his wishes? When I think about the nitty gritty reality of pregnancy, birth, and parenting, I feel repulsed by the notion of casting judgment and hatred on someone who chose not to go through with it. Sure, some men might feel that way, but it is coming from a pretty despicable place of entitlement IMHO.
Posted by wxPDX on June 11, 2014 at 2:15 PM · Report this
venomlash 17
@11: Whoa dude, TMI.
Posted by venomlash on June 11, 2014 at 2:57 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 18
Nope. Anyone can respect or not respect any choice. Choosing who/what to respect or not is freedom of personal choice too.

Insight? I dunno... a guy who's super into having kids or something?

Nobody has to respect anyone's choice, but they still get to make that choice.
Just playing devil's advocate here.

Women should have the choice to do what they need to do if they get pregnant; likewise, the men who got them pregnant should have the choice to feel however they want to feel. Disrespect that feeling all you want, but then don't turn around and say that everyone must respect the woman's choice. She can make her choice, but no one has to respect it if they don't want to.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 11, 2014 at 3:27 PM · Report this
If you don't want an abortion, don't have one.

Do some women have regrets? Sure, but not many IME.

Of six I know of, only one had regret, and I'd call it more wistfulness, from ages 35-41 (prime biological clock ages) and then she had twins. And then she had no regrets.

I can't think of many decisions in life with 5.5 positive outcomes out of 6. Jobs, partners, cars, new hair styles? Do we choose any of those optimally at such a high rate of success?

Small sampling, I know, but of friends/family who put kids up for adoption, 2 of 3 had lots of regrets. It's not that one choice holds all possible regret and the other none. YMMV.

Moral: All of us in opposite-sex relationships need to use reliable birth control. Every time. Until we'd BOTH be happy with a pregnancy.
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on June 11, 2014 at 3:29 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 20
@ 18, then there really is no point to pointing out the choice involved, unless I'm missing something. You seem to feel it important to point out. Why?
Posted by Matt from Denver on June 11, 2014 at 3:34 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 21
Oh wait, it just clicked.

Sorry, but all choices are not equal. We must respect the choices that aren't our business and cause no harm (abortion) while denouncing those that DO cause harm and come from ignorance (your example). Otherwise it's do as thou wilt.
Posted by Matt from Denver on June 11, 2014 at 3:37 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 22
How does my example cause harm and abortion doesn't?

How does a guy hating a woman for getting an abortion cause harm, other than upsetting her? How does a woman getting an abortion cause harm, other than upsetting the guy?

Seems like they both cause/don't cause the same amount of harm/non harm.

But, re: @20, there really is no point to my point. But then again, there's no point to Dan pointing out the original message in his post either... this is all just for our own mental stimulation efforts.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 11, 2014 at 4:07 PM · Report this
I Hate Screen Names 23
Quoth @16: "Can you give me some insight on what it would be like for a man to hate a woman who had an abortion against his wishes?"

I'm not that guy, but I think I can understand how those feelings might be legitimate. I have a two year old daughter, and I fell in love with her the moment she was born. If my wife had elected to kill my daughter shortly after that moment, and if she were legally empowered to do so, and if she ignored my no doubt hysterical pleas to change her mind, then I would hate my wife for it. I would cheerfully go through all that pregnancy stuff for my kid if I could, and I would be repulsed by someone who wasn't willing to do the same.

Of course, fertilized cells and zygotes are not babies. Had my wife had an abortion earlier in her pregnancy, I would have been mildly disconcerted by it-- we were trying to get her pregnant, dammit!-- but I wouldn't be all that upset. Because I hadn't attached yet, the fetus was essentially fungible at that point, and we could always try again. Contrast with my feelings after my daughter was born, when I would have fought tooth and nail had someone tried to take my baby and give me another.

People attach at different times. It's common for women to attach to their fetuses earlier than birth, and I've known gals who attached the moment they knew they were pregnant. It's possible that men could similarly attach, and have the same feelings for the fetus that I had (and have) for my birthed daughter. So I could see how those guys might come to hate someone who killed a fetus they loved fiercely and unconditionally.
Posted by I Hate Screen Names on June 11, 2014 at 4:11 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 24
@ 22, it tends to reinforce unfair gender roles, primarily. But the "making her upset" over what wasn't his concern is also wrong. And I implied that her abortion caused no harm.
Posted by Matt from Denver on June 11, 2014 at 6:18 PM · Report this
@24, think the abortion does cause harm; to the foetus.. It's
Existence is terminated.
Of course women have the right , as it is their body, to have an abortion. Also think if some men feel grief over this, then that is understandable..
Posted by LavaGirl on June 11, 2014 at 6:50 PM · Report this
@ 4 - very well said.

Few people have abortions in a carefree and happy way - it's almost always part of a difficult time, even when it's not a difficult choice. Even when totally accepting that it was the right thing to do, there can be conflicted feelings about it. Even more for men than women, I think - it's something that makes an enormous difference in their lives that they don't really have a say in.

That's why it's especially douch-y to exploit these feelings to make political points.
Posted by agony on June 11, 2014 at 7:23 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 27

If a person wants to hate another person, or be upset about something they did, that's their prerogative, and the object of that hate really can't do anything about it other than complain.

It's a free country. Anyone is welcome to dislike anyone else's choices at will - unfair gender stereotypes notwithstanding. Pretending to "respect" someone's decision just to be socially acceptable and to make them feel more welcome is insincere and misleading.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 11, 2014 at 9:21 PM · Report this
The implied idea that we need to outlaw abortion so as to produce more healthy white babies to make things easy for people who want to adopt such is deeply disturbing.

Posted by IPJ on June 12, 2014 at 6:46 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 30
Saying "it's a free country" implied I should just shut up and accept it. But that's not how societies operate. "It's a free country" means the government shouldn't make it a crime. I agree. But if it's still wrong, it's the moral imperative to speak up and speak out, not accept.
Posted by Matt from Denver on June 12, 2014 at 9:44 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 31
Yeah, and that's what both of us are doing... speaking out (sort of, I mean, anonymously online speaking out) against what we find wrong.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 12, 2014 at 12:37 PM · Report this

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