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Thursday, May 15, 2014

The Love Kit, the Exciter, Ride the Tiger

Posted by on Thu, May 15, 2014 at 12:34 PM

LoveKit.jpg
Are you at the truck stop and in need of sensual items? Are you out on the highway and looking for a last-minute sexual gift pack? Next time try the Love Kit. Into it we go. With Climax Control Lotion, you’ll be in control. After you slowly slather the Swedish Massage Oil on the epidermis layer of your lover's skin. Evenly cake. Instructions say: Boa constrictor snake. Next, take the BBQ-flavored Fritos off the bedside, have one, then crumble three into the wind and watch fire crackle and reflect off glistening skin. Sip a cold Tecate beer, let it dance on your tongue. Place your Dio tape in the boombox and press play: “Ride the tiger / You can see his stripes but you know he's clean.” The condom is exotic. A Bengal tiger, slung and poised on some form of wicker lounging pedestal, on a beach. There is Jade. Then the Oriental Exciter. I’m not sure, but I think this part of the kit is anal beads, which look like pearls. With pride they are electronically tested to meet FDA standards. The Love Kit, never quit.

 

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