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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode 13 Was So Pointless I'm Barely Going to Recap It for You

Posted by on Tue, May 13, 2014 at 12:20 PM


And so we find ourselves at lucky Episode 13, and lady? We’ve seen a lot of bullshit. (Bendela was robbed.) It’s all over but the crying now. (Bendela was robbed.) Courtney, Bianca, and Adore are the three left standing, and one of these crazy queens will be crowned the new winner next week. (Bendela was robbed.) Please to watch the full episode here.

In fine RuPaulian tradition, this episode is a season recap clip-show, so, basically, you’re reading a recap of a recap. It’s all just sooo terribly meta! I know. It’s not as exciting as, oh, say, an actual COMPETITION with challenges and winners and bleary-eyed eliminations and fun junk like that, but it does provide us with a chance to glance over our shoulders at the laughter, the tears, the teats, the shade, and OH MY GOD JINKX MONSOON! I had no idea she was to be appearing in the recap episode! Well, she and other queens from past years pop their bewigged noggins in to give their two cents on the events of this season—Alaska, Manilla, Jujube, Tammy Brown, Latrice Royale, and so forth. Fabulous.

(Psst! Between you, me, and the sugar walls, I suspect that the whole episode is really just a vehicle for Ruple to force the video for her single, “Sissy that Walk,” on the world, but you know. Whatevs.)

Since this episode is just a waiting room for the finale, and I'm writing this damn thing, I'm going to chime in with the queens and give you what I believe are probably my personal favorite moments of Season 6. In no logical order whatsoever then, let the revisiting commence!

Episode Seven: That heart-stopping fuck-over moment when Ben Delacreme was put up for elimination with Darienne Lake but remained in the show only by the good graces of RuPaul’s whims and caprices. Bless them.

Episodes All: Every nasty word that ever fell out of Bianca’s mouth. “Bianca’s ‘Rolodex of Hate’ is more like a Wikipedia page,” according to Manilla. So true. So true.

Episode One: Vivacious is, of course, instantly forgettable (out of sight, out of mind) but her grand entrance in Episode One was the zenith and nadir of the anti-climax. She sashayed in wearing some crazy Mork from Ork getup that hid her face and some sort of bobbing alien-head made out of a vagazzled wig holder on her head, she struck a dramatic pose, and….zip……iii…iiiipppp… it took her roughly two hours to work down the zipper and finally reveal her face. Motha has arrived! About damn time.

Episode Whatever: The Pit Crew. Hubbah-hubbah, ding-ding.

Also Episode One: The thrill of Bendela’s very first victory—the first main runway challenge with her Golden Girls inspired couture complete with pie (where’d she get a pie!?).

Episodes One-Ten: Anything Joslyn Fox ever said, plus her signature boob-grab. “Keep it foxy! Womp, womp!” Jujubee on Joslyn, “I think Joslyn’s ass is her best outfit.” #troof

Episode Four: The Rusical! This is when I finally lightened up enough to fall in love with Adore—her gigantic Taylor Dane hair! Her yellow cape! Flawless. But Bendela stole the show again in her leopard-skin and pirate eye patch. Arrr!

Episode Twelve: Mean old Darienne Lake (aka Diarrhea Leak) FINALLY gets booted off the island. Mmm. So satisfying.

Episodes Myriad: LaGanja sniveling and pouting and whining and melting down like she’s the walking pity party of the WORLD. Which she is. “5 Gs, gurl!" Latrice comments on LaGanja's many meltdowns. "Good. God. Ganja. Get. A. Grip!”

Also Episode One Again: Oh! And some whiny liar called Magnolia Crawford who claimed she was from Seattle getting the very first boot. I ain’t never heard a no damn Magnolia Crawford. Shoo.

Episodes One-Seven: Milk. That is all.

So that’s it. Just one more measly episode to go! I feel like I've climbed Drag Mountain on my lips. Getting involved with RuPaul's Drag Race is emotionally exhausting...

Final predictions! Bianca. Boom.


Comments (11) RSS

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Magnolia got booted from the second episode, no? There was an even more forgettable queen what got eliminated from the first. Kelly? Or am I making that up?
Posted by malen on May 13, 2014 at 1:02 PM · Report this
@1 Not to defend Magnolia, of course! Even if I'm right, she still got booted from HER first episode. That's what matters.
Posted by malen on May 13, 2014 at 1:04 PM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 3
Get over Bendela. She wasn't that good, but none of the queens this season were that good. As I've said before it was Drag Race made safe enough for the Disney Channel.

But the "bigger" stars they bring on the more sanitized the show will become. Remember the creator of Will and Grace bitching about Sharron Needles name and her look?

Oh and the "Scruff-Pit-Crew" with that grunting sound the queens have to make for that sponsor? Jesus fucking Christ, do we need gay boys acting like douche bag breeder guys?
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on May 13, 2014 at 1:10 PM · Report this
Kelly Mantle was the queen eliminated in episode one. I remember because my Drag Race Pool team was Kelly, Dela, and Courtney. I was never really in it after Kelly went home.
Posted by Monty on May 13, 2014 at 1:29 PM · Report this
Peteykins 5
I thought Ben was delightful, but a bit of a one-trick pony. Still, I was surprised she didn't make it to the end.

Laganja was probably my least favorite queen ever. She was the first post-drag-race contestant. Everything out of her mouth was a line from a previous season. Terrible. And her tantrums were ludicrous.

Adore certainly has star potential, and I liked her a lot, but Bianca was AWESOME. Courtney? Eh.
Posted by Peteykins on May 13, 2014 at 1:47 PM · Report this
jnmend 6
99.99999999999% sure that's a cheesecake and, like Adore's S'getti, was in the box.

Posted by jnmend on May 13, 2014 at 1:52 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 7
@5 - The best argument for Adore to win is that she stands to gain the most from having that prize money. Can you imagine her with a budget?
Posted by MacCrocodile on May 13, 2014 at 2:09 PM · Report this
Adore has a budget - have you seen Danny Noriega's many videos on You Tube, most of them shot at home? Adore has a budget. But I am rooting for Adore to win. Much has been made about how stupid Adore is, but s/he's really not! Adore is very funny, very fast on the uptake and can throw out a reference like nobody's business. Stupid people, let alone stupid drag queens, do not have these powers. Plus Adore has a pretty amazing singing voice. I see Adore being a lot like Jinkx - not quite as polished as the others, but a hell of a lot more talented and in a variety of ways. She can act, she can sing, she's a goddamn laugh riot. Adore for the win.

Of course I was sad to see Bendela go, especially with Darienne Lake still standing on that stage (for one more episode). But to be honest? I didn't think Bendela was all that. I've seen Bendela perform and I love her, don't get me wrong - she's very good at what she does. But she doesn't do much beyond what she does, and I frankly started to get a bit bored seeing her do the same shtick week after week.

I love Bianca and want her boy side to be my boyfriend (an aside to my actual boyfriend - I'm just kidding, baby), but again, I'm not seeing her do much more than what she always does. I'm not seeing a lot of variety there. But goddamn, she is funny.

I forget who the third queen is, but I like her well enough, I'm sure.

Oh, that's right, the third queen is the Australian. Again, not much beyond what she always does. But goddamn, she's beautiful. If she weren't actually a boy, she might turn me straight.

It's all Adore all the way for me. I adore her. I really adore her.
Posted by Robert Lawson, Bus No. 8, LLC on May 13, 2014 at 2:31 PM · Report this
Mattini 9
@7 But I like Adore as a trashglam queen! I could support her winning $100k as long as she spends it on chintzy shit.
Posted by Mattini on May 13, 2014 at 3:38 PM · Report this
I'm not even going to vote. I don't know how to choose between them. They're each delightful in their own way.

Courtney is the most amazing female impersonator I've seen, and she can sing, and act. She's more than just pretty. If I could go drinking with a drag queen, though, it would be Bianca. As a person, I like her best, and I'm in awe of her wit.. As for Adore... she's a lot of fun. Girl just oozes talent, good humor, and energy, besides being pretty sharp. Win or no, I hope she brings her act on the road.

Whichever of them wins, I'll probably think they deserved it.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on May 13, 2014 at 4:33 PM · Report this
Go Bianca!
Posted by Patricia Kayden on May 14, 2014 at 3:36 AM · Report this

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