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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

SL Letter of the Day: Donald Sterling—Racism-Frosted Cuckold Fetishist?

Posted by on Tue, Apr 29, 2014 at 3:53 PM

I have a theory I wanted to share about the Clippers owner and racist billionaire Donald Sterling.

He said that he doesn't mind if his much younger, very attractive girlfriend sleeps with black men, but doesn't want her to be photographed in public with them. At first this made no sense to me, but as I thought about why he would want such a situation, it became clear as day. Donald Sterling is a cuckold fetishist. It turns him on to think about (and probably watch) his girlfriend be fucked by black men, but he still has significant shame about it. He expresses that shame by not letting her appear in public with black men, lest his fetish become exposed. In other words, he wants his humiliation to be private, not public.

If you are so inclined, I humbly suggest that you out him. As a (half) black and kink-friendly man, I am regularly offended by otherwise decent people who allow racism to become entrenched in their sexual behavior. I have no problem with consensual D/s play, but I always feel a racist twinge when I see white men looking for "BBCs" or black bucks to fuck (often with a strong subtext of rape) their white wives.
It's utterly dehumanizing, and it comes as no surprise that these people can twist that cognitive dissonance into a very insidious kind of casual racism.

Rant over. Keep up the good work! I'm a huge fan, I have been for many years, and I can say without exaggeration that your work has changed my life. Thank you so much!!!

Half Black, Fully Pissed

My response after the jump...


Donald Sterling could be a cuckold—that was my gut reaction when I first heard about Sterling's racist remarks to his girlfriend. (Sterling's girlfriend just so happens to be "(half) black" herself.) Sterling doesn't care if his girlfriend fucks black dudes? He just doesn't want her posting pictures of herself with black dudes on her Instagram account? Things that make you go, "Hm... sounds kinda like a cuckold."

And here's what I tweeted on Saturday afternoon:

Totally racist white guys who get off on their wives and girlfriends sleeping with black dudes? That's definitely a thing. So maybe it was Sterling's thing?

Jon Stewart seemed to think so too. The Daily Show host played the tape of Sterling urging his girlfriend to fuck black guys, if that's what she wants to do, and then protesting that he couldn't possibly be racist because he pays the black guys on his basketball team well enough that they can afford food, clothing, and shelter. Stewart characterized Sterling's feelings about black men this way: "I'm racist—but my dick and my wallet are not."

But then I listened to the tapes themselves...

I want you to love them—privately.... But why publicize it on the Instagram? And why bring it to my games? … You can sleep with them, you can bring them in, you can do whatever you want! The little I ask you is not to promote it [and] not to bring them to my games.

I’ve known [Magic Johnson] well, and he should be admired. And I’m just saying that it’s too bad you can’t admire him privately... Admire him, bring him here, feed him, fuck him, I don’t care! You can do anything. But don’t put him on an Instagram for the world to have to see, so they have to call me. And don’t bring him to my games. OK?

While the above excerpts read cuckoldy—cuckoldy as all hell—they didn't come across that way when you actually listened to the tapes. There's no salacious edge to Sterling's voice. There's no sense of lust or desire. And his girlfriend doesn't respond with, "Yeah, I know how much you like that!" Sterling never tells her that he's turned on by the idea of her fucking Magic Johnson. Quite the opposite: Sterling seems completely indifferent to who his girlfriend sleeps with when she's not with him—white dudes, black dudes, blue dudes, HIV+ dudes. (Johnson is HIV+, of course, so Sterling can't be faulted for being a pozphobe.) What comes across on the tape is, "I could give a shit what you do," which is not how cuckolds sound when they're talking to their wives or girlfriends about the other men they're fucking. Sterling sounds like a racist asshole in those tapes, for sure, but he doesn't sound like a sexually excited racist asshole.

I can see why your mind went there, HBFP, because that's immediately where my mind went. But I'm no longer in the cuckold camp.

As for the problematic/dehumanizing/angering nature of white cuckolds seeking out black men to fuck their wives... I hope you're still a fan, HBFP, after you read my advice to an otherwise progressive white dude struggling with the implications of his "objectifying and racist" cuckold fantasies. It's here.


Comments (25) RSS

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pastanaut 1
Now even old-timey racists know they don't own their girlfriend's bodies so... progress?
Posted by pastanaut on April 29, 2014 at 4:04 PM · Report this
Unless she was posting NSFW photos with her paramours on Instagram, she isn't "promoting it". It's pretty racist that he thinks people will see a black man with his girlfriend and assume they're fucking.
Posted by wxPDX on April 29, 2014 at 4:10 PM · Report this
In that case the concept is "status" - a young, beautiful girlfriend who doesn't do anything visibly that society considers shameful, like cheating - rather than "cuckold."
Posted by Naq on April 29, 2014 at 4:11 PM · Report this
rob! 4
Maybe Sterling and his equally racist wife Rochelle have a cuckquean thing going on?
Posted by rob! on April 29, 2014 at 4:27 PM · Report this
seandr 5
Cuckhold fetishist? No. Sterling and his "girlfriend" are simply exchanging money for sex. He truly doesn't give a shit who else she sleeps with.
Posted by seandr on April 29, 2014 at 4:33 PM · Report this
This is the 6th article on this the Stranger has run. Not a word about the white man beaten nearly to death in Detroit over a week ago. Not a word about the disabled man robbed and roughed up on Capital Hill about a week ago. But an old white man half way across the country says he doesn't care if his girlfriend has black friends or lovers but doesn't want her to put it on instagram and you wet your pants ? God you are pathetic.
Posted by hayden c on April 29, 2014 at 4:37 PM · Report this
Here is a link. Thanks Stranger for keeping your readers in the dark about a mob that abuses disabled people on Cap Hill that are on the loose. But at least you let us know about every racist word a white person utters anywhere in the country.…
Posted by hayden c on April 29, 2014 at 4:39 PM · Report this
Max Solomon 8
no instagram, no scandal. learn your lesson, 81 year old fuckhead billionaires. it's just an app. pretend you're like most 81 year olds and don't be bothered to use it.
Posted by Max Solomon on April 29, 2014 at 4:51 PM · Report this
Tim Horton 9
I know I need to feel sad for black men who are just so darn fetishized for their sexual prowess. Alas, my kingdom to feel that, at least for a day.
Posted by Tim Horton on April 29, 2014 at 5:09 PM · Report this
seatackled 10

You should apply for an apprenticeship and ask to cover these news items.
Posted by seatackled on April 29, 2014 at 5:18 PM · Report this
Tingleyfeeln 11
I hadn't thought of the whole chuckhold thing, I thought he was just OK with her getting schtupped by other guys.
But thanks Dan, for the role you just played in my not listening to the tapes.

BTW, I was just telling my roommate that this was a situation where I disliked everyone directly involved. Sterling is not just a racist, he's an all around douche. His young arm candy comes off as a manipulative gold digger. And given his history, why in the hell was he about to get an NAACP award. The players on his team are the only ones who have come out looking good, and now that sterling is being forced to sell, I hope they win it all as a final fuck you to him. I don't even like basketball!
Posted by Tingleyfeeln on April 29, 2014 at 5:42 PM · Report this
Oh please Sterling's attitude is easily summed up in the phrase "the help uses the back door". Master doesn't care if the house slaves have relations with the field slaves just use the back door.

A completely understandable mindset, one must always keep up appearances after all.
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on April 29, 2014 at 6:11 PM · Report this
Perhaps she's just arm candy (not that that's an excuse for him) and he's okay with whatever it takes for her to be happy?
Posted by Calpete on April 29, 2014 at 6:12 PM · Report this
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe 14
He's probably a RFCF who ran out of money to support his g/f and quickly staged a way to unload the Clippers for a quick sale without too much friction.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on April 29, 2014 at 6:15 PM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 15
@14, Sterling is a billionaire many times over. Even if he gave the Clippers away for free, it wouldn't make the slightest dent in his overall net worth.

I agree with Dan. If you actually listen to his voice, he doesn't sound remotely turned on by the idea of his girlfriend fucking other dudes, regardless of their race. So, not a cuckold. He just sounds like a racist, misogynist asshole who only cares about his public image and doesn't want to be seen with darkies.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on April 29, 2014 at 7:20 PM · Report this
@14 god you're dumb. you get the job of out house attendant.
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on April 29, 2014 at 7:39 PM · Report this
Rather a pity if he isn't; that would surely have stopped the momentum of the current trend, which had been getting out of hand.
Posted by vennominon on April 29, 2014 at 8:39 PM · Report this
You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me 18
Agreeing that his comments are ugly and unacceptable in this day and age, I still wonder if we should be at all concerned that it is apparently "okay" that the content of a private conversation, covertly recorded, in your own home, now justifies the confiscation of your property and the loss of your profession? Regardless of your actual public and professional conduct?

Nah... Probably not... What could possibly go wrong with that standard in a world where the NSA is recording every communication we make?
Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me on April 29, 2014 at 8:41 PM · Report this
long-time reader 19
@18, nothing has been confiscated and "rich guy" is not a profession.

If the girlfriend broke the law by recording the conversation, then let her face the legal consequences. What we have here is two other private parties ending a contractual relationship in an ugly and public fashion.

Which is to say that yes, I'm perfectly fine with illegally obtained evidence being used as a basis to punish somebody, outside the courts, for their appalling behavior. I also thank Anonymous for hacking the Steubenville rapists.
Posted by long-time reader on April 29, 2014 at 9:04 PM · Report this
If he's not a cuckold, what is he? Has he basically hired an in-name-only "girlfriend?" Is he complaining because he's afraid people will find out there's no lead in the pencil?
Posted by portland scribe on April 30, 2014 at 11:53 AM · Report this
sirkowski 21
so they have to call me

What does that mean exactly? Who's they?
Posted by sirkowski on April 30, 2014 at 1:11 PM · Report this
@19 there's a big difference between anonymous hacking emails and exerting pressure on rapists/rapist-enablers and a private conversation leading to this level of social and financial consequences. The guy sounds like a douche, he pretty clearly is a racist asshat....but I don't think that should be newsworthy to the degree that it's been hyped.
Posted by jujubee80 on May 1, 2014 at 7:03 PM · Report this
Cynara 23
@19 I'm sure you've never said anything to someone in private that you wouldn't want played back on national TV ....

@18 & 22 I'm with you--I think this is an extremely slippery slope we're treading here. Especially as this was recorded surreptitiously and illegally, and was not even something that was said in a public interview, like the case of the Duck Dynasty guy.

Posted by Cynara on May 1, 2014 at 9:43 PM · Report this
Tingleyfeeln 24
The argument over the recording and it's release is part of why I said no one here looks good. I'm sure slipping the recording to the press was an act of vengeance and manipulation on her part. Apparently walking away isn't enough for her.
Posted by Tingleyfeeln on May 2, 2014 at 3:02 PM · Report this
shurenka 25
@18 " I still wonder if we should be at all concerned that it is apparently "okay" that the content of a private conversation, covertly recorded, in your own home, now justifies the confiscation of your property and the loss of your profession?"

Freedom of speech doesn't protect you from the consequences. If you have truly abhorrent views, best keep them well hidden. FOS only protects against government action, like imprisonment, not non-gov't organizations or people deciding that they no longer want to pay you or associate with you or promote you. This isn't a new thing--the new idea is that people should expect their intolerant, abhorrent views to be tolerated as just another harmless instantiation of diversity and not, you know, called out as bigotry.

If it was illegally obtained he can take legal recourse. Doesn't mean the rest of us should try to "unhear" what he said because he still remains a racist douchebag.
Posted by shurenka on May 6, 2014 at 1:48 AM · Report this

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