SL Letter of the Day: Donald Sterling—Racism-Frosted Cuckold Fetishist?
by Dan Savage
on Tue, Apr 29, 2014 at 3:53 PM
I have a theory I wanted to share about the Clippers owner and racist billionaire Donald Sterling.
He said that he doesn't mind if his much younger, very attractive girlfriend sleeps with black men, but doesn't want her to be photographed in public with them. At first this made no sense to me, but as I thought about why he would want such a situation, it became clear as day. Donald Sterling is a cuckold fetishist. It turns him on to think about (and probably watch) his girlfriend be fucked by black men, but he still has significant shame about it. He expresses that shame by not letting her appear in public with black men, lest his fetish become exposed. In other words, he wants his humiliation to be private, not public.
If you are so inclined, I humbly suggest that you out him. As a (half) black and kink-friendly man, I am regularly offended by otherwise decent people who allow racism to become entrenched in their sexual behavior. I have no problem with consensual D/s play, but I always feel a racist twinge when I see white men looking for "BBCs" or black bucks to fuck (often with a strong subtext of rape) their white wives. It's utterly dehumanizing, and it comes as no surprise that these people can twist that cognitive dissonance into a very insidious kind of casual racism.
Rant over. Keep up the good work! I'm a huge fan, I have been for many years, and I can say without exaggeration that your work has changed my life. Thank you so much!!!
Half Black, Fully Pissed
My response after the jump...
Donald Sterling could be a cuckold—that was my gut reaction when I first heard about Sterling's racist remarks to his girlfriend. (Sterling's girlfriend just so happens to be "(half) black" herself.) Sterling doesn't care if his girlfriend fucks black dudes? He just doesn't want her posting pictures of herself with black dudes on her Instagram account? Things that make you go, "Hm... sounds kinda like a cuckold."
And here's what I tweeted on Saturday afternoon:
So.. this #Sterling asshole doesn't care if his GF fucks black guys? Just don't post photos to Instagram with black guys? Cuz he gets calls? — Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) April 26, 2014
Two thoughts: #Sterling gets off on the idea of his GF sleeping with black dudes. And his friends are even bigger racists than he is. — Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) April 26, 2014
Totally racist white guys who get off on their wives and girlfriends sleeping with black dudes? That's definitely a thing. So maybe it was Sterling's thing?
Jon Stewart seemed to think so too. The Daily Show host played the tape of Sterling urging his girlfriend to fuck black guys, if that's what she wants to do, and then protesting that he couldn't possibly be racist because he pays the black guys on his basketball team well enough that they can afford food, clothing, and shelter. Stewart characterized Sterling's feelings about black men this way: "I'm racist—but my dick and my wallet are not."
I want you to love them—privately.... But why publicize it on the Instagram? And why bring it to my games? … You can sleep with them, you can bring them in, you can do whatever you want! The little I ask you is not to promote it [and] not to bring them to my games.
I’ve known [Magic Johnson] well, and he should be admired. And I’m just saying that it’s too bad you can’t admire him privately... Admire him, bring him here, feed him, fuck him, I don’t care! You can do anything. But don’t put him on an Instagram for the world to have to see, so they have to call me. And don’t bring him to my games. OK?
While the above excerpts read cuckoldy—cuckoldy as all hell—they didn't come across that way when you actually listened to the tapes. There's no salacious edge to Sterling's voice. There's no sense of lust or desire. And his girlfriend doesn't respond with, "Yeah, I know how much you like that!" Sterling never tells her that he's turned on by the idea of her fucking Magic Johnson. Quite the opposite: Sterling seems completely indifferent to who his girlfriend sleeps with when she's not with him—white dudes, black dudes, blue dudes, HIV+ dudes. (Johnson is HIV+, of course, so Sterling can't be faulted for being a pozphobe.) What comes across on the tape is, "I could give a shit what you do," which is not how cuckolds sound when they're talking to their wives or girlfriends about the other men they're fucking. Sterling sounds like a racist asshole in those tapes, for sure, but he doesn't sound like a sexually excited racist asshole.
I can see why your mind went there, HBFP, because that's immediately where my mind went. But I'm no longer in the cuckold camp.
As for the problematic/dehumanizing/angering nature of white cuckolds seeking out black men to fuck their wives... I hope you're still a fan, HBFP, after you read my advice to an otherwise progressive white dude struggling with the implications of his "objectifying and racist" cuckold fantasies. It's here.