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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

RuPaul's Drag Race RuCap: The Very Horrible Episode 11

Posted by on Tue, Apr 29, 2014 at 11:04 AM

Ben DeLaCreme! Our DeLaMascott, our DeLaMistress, our DeLaMuse!
  • Kelly O
  • Ben DeLaCreme! Our DeLaMascott, our DeLaMistress, our DeLaMuse!

Wow! Episode Eleven! DO NOT WATCH THE FUCKING THING.

And while you're at it, READ NO FURTHER.

The terrorists have won. There is no God. And our shattered world is but a veil of tears.

Ben DeLaCreme! Our beautiful Ben! BenDela! Dela! #teamdelacreme! WutdafuqevaDelaCremeDeLa! Our DeLaMascott, our DeLaMistress, our DeLaMuse! RuPaul sent the bitch home. No DeLaFucking joke.

NOOOOO!

All of our hearts are broken this morning. A tremendous injustice—a tragedy of our time—has been inflicted upon us all. And for terrible the loss of our dear Dela, dearly beloved homosexuals of Seattle, we weep. And gnash. And flail our hands wildly! And weep some more. Manscara all over the place. I’m telling you.

Et tu, RuTe?

But how?! Why? It doesn't even fucking matter anymore. The Kennedy assassination. Chernobyl. The War of 1812. Rwanda. Pffft! You're hilarious. All of these plus, I don't know, global warming or something, combined is what happened to us last night. The unthinkable! Our one desperate hope, our be-wigged fever dream, our (probably plastic) shimmering jewel, the inimitable and indelible Ben DeLaCreme has... gone down in a ball of fabulous flames. Eliminated! I just can't.

A ball of fabulous flames.
  • Nuclear explosion in an outdoor setting/Shutterstock.com
  • A ball of fabulous flames.

But in those flames that she so fabulously went down in burns a fierce and most terrible rage burns indeed! Fellow gaymosexuasl! Raise your fists! Smash shit and burn junk! (And leave Jinkx Monsoon out of this!) What was Ru thinking? Was she fucking HIGH? That hateful Darienne Lake lives to terrorize Shoney's Buffet another day? That ditsy glue-gun slinging he-bimbo Miss Adore Delano endures? "Cool! Party!" Shegro, please! If RuPaul were in front of me right now I'd shake her like a baby.

So Courtney Act is still kicking. Okay. No problem. And Bianca Del Rio is of course going to win the crown as we ALLLLLL know. FINE! WHATEVER! But Darienne Lake? Beat BEN DELA CREME? Kill it with fire! Scatter the sizzling she-chunks! And Adore Delano? My patience with that little Spock-browed tramp is exhausted. (I shall swallow one rusty razor blade in contrition for every time I ever typed a kind syllable about her, I PROMISE BEN, I SWEAR!) May they both get wigrot and their lashes go sour! May their hip pads go barren and a pox on their panties! Here is why they both need to explode to death right now:

Darienne, or as she should be known, "Ross Cross Dress For Less," is a delusional bitchy-ass haterface who has low self-esteem and busted fashion sense and takes it out on everyone else. She should have been eliminated AGES ago but she's clearly blowing SOMEbody. (And let's not discuss the blowee's self-esteem.) She has lashed out coldly and viciously at both Courtney and Ben out of rank jealousy and spite. I shall abide none of her!

Adore! Are you kidding me, gurl? She looks like she was glued together by amputees with forks in their eyes and no glue. Her Native American name is, "Um, That's a Boy in a Dress." And that voice! The tragic valley girl patios! Spare me the grief. She is a testament to how far zero IQ and some lip gloss can get you. The Top Four.

But wait. Let us now take a moment to remember our darling Ben and all that she gave to us before the end (bow your busted weave, hunty!). Ben touched us in so many ways. She touched our hearts from our very first glimpse of her as she busted into the work studio for the first time, all jazz hands and adorable nerves! "Hi everybody! It's me! BenDeLaCreme!" she said as Adore sat blinking dumbly with her cooter hanging out. Adorable. (Ben, not Adore's dumb cooter.) She tickled our pickle when she won The Snatch Game dressed as Maggie Smith. “Ruple, is it?” And she touched our monkey with her terrifying almost-elimination on Episode 7 that stopped my heart. All of our hearts. Such memories!

Ben had it all—the smarts, the skill, the talent, the grace, the Michele Visage's face… I. Just. Can't.

Ben's final swan song, scrawled on the mirror in Color Revolutions (tm) lipstick, went a little something exactly like this, pretty sure:

"Dear top 4- howz it going? I'm doing pretty good. Sometimes you have to have Mama Ru yell atcha a bunch of times before it sinks in. I guess I never reached that number of times, Darian. I knew the second I was up against you i waz out the door. You get it lady. I wish you all the luck in the world and only harbor enough resentment to write a long pointless message that you will have to clean and clean and clean and clean. But fo real tho you girlz are my heroes. XX BDLC."


I love that she misspelled Darienne’s name.

Heed my words, Ruple! This drag war isn't over. THE CREME SHALL RISE AGAIN. #teamdelacreme!

UPDATE: Seattle drag queens (and adjacent experts) weigh in on the fucking horrible news.

 

Comments (23) RSS

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venomlash 1
The correct word is "himbo", not "he-bimbo". I learned that by watching "Pushing Daisies"!
Posted by venomlash on April 29, 2014 at 11:15 AM · Report this
Original Andrew 2
So... time to go on a RumPage through West Hollywood?
Posted by Original Andrew on April 29, 2014 at 11:19 AM · Report this
3
All joking and hyperbole aside- this episode was a joke. Even Darienne couldn't defend Darienne this time. Based on past performance alone she should have been the one sent packing. The whole thing is a mess that just came off wrong-headed and strange.

Ben may not have been the best last night, but she was ONE of the best. Her looks were much better than the criticism she got, and the resulting elimination was shocking- but not in a good way. In a way that just . . . felt wrong. As close to an actual miscarriage of justice as you can have with a inconsequential reality TV show about drag queens.
Posted by AedanCRoberts on April 29, 2014 at 11:45 AM · Report this
4
I don't know why anyone is surprised - RPDG always picks one villainous shit-stirrer to make the Final Three, so the fans have someone to root against. This isn't a secret, people - jeez, it happens every friggin' year.
Posted by Pope Buck I on April 29, 2014 at 11:56 AM · Report this
5
Very much agreed on the miscarriage of justice vis-a-vis Ben. A solid performance overall including a kick ass Maggie Smith and a terrific interview of Chaz Bono and he loses to a queen who wore on the runway in her first costume what looked like orthopedic grandma shoes followed up by a dress that looked like a big brown stocking mumu. Some of those judges had it in for Ben for they were really reaching on nitpicking his clothing choices. Ben certainly didn't look like the Goodwill Trash that Darienne resembled.

I believe Rupaul didn't like the ganging up on Darienne when as many as (3?) of girls suggest that she will be the one sent packing and decided to screw them over.
Posted by neo-realist on April 29, 2014 at 12:08 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 6
What do we think of her chances at Miss Congeniality? We in this thread may be a bit biased in her favor, but I'm having a hard time thinking of someone more lovable and congenial in this season. Maybe Joslyn Fox has a shot, but isn't the award often given to the one who fans think really didn't deserve to be eliminated?
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on April 29, 2014 at 12:09 PM · Report this
7
This is the best thing I've ever read. I feel better now.
Posted by mitten on April 29, 2014 at 12:13 PM · Report this
scary tyler moore 8
shake her like a baby? stay classy, ryan.
Posted by scary tyler moore http://pushymcshove.blogspot.com/ on April 29, 2014 at 12:24 PM · Report this
9
Darienne Lake had three of the worst looks in this shows history. That easily should have sent her home. The executive realness category seemed to throw everyone, which amazes me when you think how Alaska rocked that shit in a pantsuit and hard hat.
Posted by hal on April 29, 2014 at 1:05 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 10
@9 - That's what makes this so baffling for me. I'll give Darienne some credit for a decent lipsynch, but those godawful outfits should have rightfully precluded a lipsynch altogether. The end of the episode should have been "Darienne Lake, you are up for elimination. Everyone else, you are safe. Darienne Lake, sashay away."
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on April 29, 2014 at 1:23 PM · Report this
11
Yeahhhh ... those outfits of Darienne's were downright embarrassing! Has anyone THIS raggedy ever made it THIS far?? I'm trying to remember ...

Objectively, I think Darienne might have had more of the Ru-approved lipsynch fire than our beloved Dela. But those looks alone -- especially the brown body stocking jeweled crotch one -- were BRUTALLY off base and should have sent her home. This was a disgrace. I love Ru but blehhh.
Posted by Amanda on April 29, 2014 at 1:39 PM · Report this
12
don't hate me people, but of all the "large" queens that have graced this show Darienne is the worst. Just simply the worst. If she makes the final 3 when Latrice Royale did not, I'M DONE WATCHING. She is a joke. She is horrendous. Her looks are so bad that I, (not a queen) who do not saw, can come up with better stuff than her. WHAT A JOKE.
Posted by Glorita on April 29, 2014 at 4:44 PM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 13
I don't like either of them: should have been a double elimination last night. Darienne is untalented and Ben DeLaCreme can only do one character. Now if we just get rid of Cortney life will be perfect
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on April 29, 2014 at 6:01 PM · Report this
14
I am so grateful someone put words to my Horror at Ben Delacreme's elimination. I agree whole-heartedly. I feel Mama Rue is trying to make some point about big girls making it to the top 3, but Miss Lake is not the Big Girl and Latrice isn't on this season.
Posted by EAG on April 29, 2014 at 6:06 PM · Report this
15
I enjoyed watching Ben, and was rooting for him. Every time Darienne came on the runway I heard the sad trombone sound in my head, but in this case objectively Darienne had a better lip sync performance.
Posted by DJSauvage on April 29, 2014 at 7:39 PM · Report this
16
I feel like Michelle Visage had it in for Dela from early on. Maybe because she's not-a-bitch, funny and quite intelligent. *ahem* Analyze that. And a "top" fashion designer couldn't place the Bette Midler high-powered polka dots Ben was serving? Bob Mackie my ass!
Posted by Nuyorker on April 29, 2014 at 8:09 PM · Report this
17
Adrian you are fucking AWESOME! You wrote everything that was in my mind but could not express. Bless you.
Posted by Malibu Eric on April 29, 2014 at 9:41 PM · Report this
18
Listen, I think Lake out lip-synched Ben TWICE this season (there wasn't even a question during the Exposé song). However, the rest of your bile in this write-up is epic. Adore 'glued together with forks in their eyes and no glue'? #w00t!
Posted by Professor Blackheart on April 30, 2014 at 9:47 AM · Report this
19
Thank you for expressing my feelings exactly...
Posted by atownandktown on April 30, 2014 at 10:17 PM · Report this
20
I am in love with you... whoever wrote this article, I'd like to be your best friend from here on out, darling!!!! Could not have said it better than this! #TeamBDLC now and always. Keep writing boo xox I just adore you. And your brain 😎😎😎😎😜😜😜😗😗😗
Posted by Leasha54 on May 1, 2014 at 10:15 AM · Report this
21
The Aussie will win. Not because she deserves it but he producers are seeking to expand the brand overseas and who better to go with than the milk toast from down under.

Sort of puts the whole season in perspective. The best group they've had and it was or will be smoke and mirrors to expand the foreign market.
Posted by doggiedaddy on May 2, 2014 at 5:19 PM · Report this
22
The Aussie will win. Not because she deserves it but he producers are seeking to expand the brand overseas and who better to go with than the milk toast from down under.

Sort of puts the whole season in perspective. The best group they've had and it was or will be smoke and mirrors to expand the foreign market.

Posted by doggiedaddy on May 2, 2014 at 5:22 PM · Report this
23
Sorry for 2 post, now 3.

But it still make me....OOOOooooo so mad.

Posted by doggiedaddy on May 2, 2014 at 5:26 PM · Report this

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