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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Terrifying White Squirrels of Transylvania County

Posted by on Tue, Apr 22, 2014 at 2:14 PM

The face of certain evil.
  • GAH!

Yes, yes, there is a county in North Carolina called Transylvania. But not to worry! Transylvania just means "through the woods" or "across the forest" and definitely doesn't mean, like, "Most certainly filled with vampires" or anything. I was in Transylvania County last week, in the town of Brevard, visiting family, and I didn't see a single vampire except maybe that one guy at Arby's. But! I did see a lot of other crazy things, like churches, and purple trees in the early blush of spring, and, um, hey, um, guys? What's that little white ghost running through that tree right there? And bounding down the tree and running across the lawn? It looks like a... oh my god it's flying through the air!

OHMYFUCKINGGOD! A flying* white squirrel. As you know if you follow me on Twitter, I recently died of a panic attack caused by this little colorless little agent of evil. Two of them, actually; my mom has a skinny one in her front yard and a fat one in the back yard. Thankfully, I died in Transylvania, where there's life after death. Since dying, I've been doing some googling, and legend has it these white squirrels arrived in this town by way of an overturned circus truck. Take it away, random website I found:

It all started with Mrs. W.E. (Barbara) Mull, a long time resident of Brevard, North Carolina. Her brother-in-law, H.H. Mull, was given two white squirrels by a Mr. Black of Madison, Florida way back in 1949. The pair of white squirrels had been squirreling around in Mr. Black’s pecan grove ever since a circus truck had overturned near his home. H.H. Mull then gave the little white critters to his niece Barbara Mull up in North Carolina. She kept them inside and hoped they might even breed, but alas, no such luck.

In 1951, Barbara Mull got married and went her way. In her absence, one of the white squirrels escaped outdoors. Not long afterwards, Mr. Mull (Barbara’s father) let the other heart broken and love stricken white squirrel go free. A short time later, little white squirrels began appearing in various parts of town—apparent direct or indirect off springs of this “Adam and Eve” pair.

*OK, OK, they don't actually fly. Except in animated gifs and in my nightmares and from tree branch to tree branch.

Now then, to the polls!


Comments (8) RSS

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We have ceded our backyard to the mutant half-black, half-white, pinked-eyed possum who lives there. Ugghhh, as if possums are not already creepy! I blame the pesticides the local golf course uses to keep their greens weeds free.
Posted by iseult on April 22, 2014 at 2:37 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 2
Is this a blinding white poll?
Posted by Will in Seattle on April 22, 2014 at 3:14 PM · Report this
"I will allow it"????

Where's the "Squee!!!" option for all us right-thinking people? Limited poll options, I condemn thee.
Posted by Right-thinking person on April 22, 2014 at 3:16 PM · Report this
rob! 4
Not enough detail in the photos to make an educated guess as to whether the squirrel(s) are albino, hypomelanistic, or leucistic.

But if albino, the most common form is a recessive mutation in an enzyme for the synthesis of melanin. Recessive means that if two animals of a pair are of normal appearance but one is a carrier of the mutation and the other is not, all their offspring will be of normal appearance but some will be carriers (one copy of the mutant gene); if a pair appear normal but both are carriers, 25% of offspring will be non-carriers, 50% will be carriers, and 25% will be albino; if a pair consists of one carrier and one albino, 50% will be carriers and 50% albino; and finally, two albinos in a pair can only produce albino offspring because each has two copies of the mutant gene. (All the foregoing predictions are statistically speaking, i.e., averages over a large number of offspring; and heterosexual pairings or god-enabled gay pairings, obvs.)…

You should tweet this post to the Holmes family.
Posted by rob! on April 22, 2014 at 3:31 PM · Report this
They are cute. You are too sensitive.
Posted by Leoba on April 22, 2014 at 3:40 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 6
Council Bluffs, Iowa has shitloads of black squirrels.

I think they even have a weird law on the books about it being illegal to harass or agitate them.

Fucking Iowa, man.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on April 22, 2014 at 3:46 PM · Report this
My grandparents had white squirrels in their yard in Minneapolis for years. My grandma would feed them peanut butter from the end of a wooden clothes pin.
Posted by longwayhome on April 22, 2014 at 8:57 PM · Report this
Merlin D. Bear 8
Tree rats serve absolutely no purpose and don't deserve to live.
Yes, I confess to being biased because the little bastards decimated my gladiola beds - then had the gall to leave one final bulb half chewed in the middle of my patio.
So, to me, doesn't matter what color they are, they have no reason to live.
Posted by Merlin D. Bear on April 22, 2014 at 10:17 PM · Report this

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