And the Geigh Superbowl continues! We are down to 7 alleged girls. Only Bianca (FEAR HER), Joslyn (cuttiepop!), Trinity (what?), Darrienne (no comment whatsoever), Courtney (SHOW ME THE PENIS), and Adore (oh, nothing) stand between our girl Ben and her rightful crown. This is getting serious.
Last week's nail-biter still has my nervous system and my poor cuticles DEVASTATED. Ben DeLaCreme (#teamdelacreme!) was put on the chopping block for the first time ever after several million weeks of winning everything. Is the magic gone? The charm broken? And could such a horrible thing ever possibly happen...again? Hush your mouth!
LaGanja is finally La-GONE-Ja (PRAISE SHEZUS!), but the remaining queens are still ragging on her as they enter the work studio. "Dark and ugly and not cute" is how Adore describes LaGanja's bitter, tear-stained parting, and YES EXACTLY. Every other loser sashayed away with their chin held high and a smattering of dignity and misguided optimism, BUT OH NO NOT LAGANJA. Crybaby queen. Nothing worse. Ask anyone.
Ben predicts that Joslyn is next to go! That was kinda bitchy. (Sorry BenDela! #teamdelacreme!) I think we all know who the next to go home should be, and her name rhymes with DARIENNE LAKE. Darienne is so damn sullen and grumpy in this episode, but thank God she mostly kept her mouth shut. I'm still so mad she tricked me into liking her for two seconds.
Also! If you take away anything from this episode, let it be this: JOSLYN LIKES GUMBO. That is all.
And on to the Mini-Challenge! Which is a game cleverly called "Hung Man," a sort of Wheel of Fortune deal with underwear and asses hanging out. The Pit Crew, which is now sponsored by Scruff (where's my fucking check!?), has been conspicuously absent lately, but they suddenly return for this one. Where they been?! On each of their bounce-a-quarter-off-this asses is a letter, and all together, these letters form words. Queens gotta guess 'em letter-by-letter based on a clue.
AND BEN WINS THE WHOLE DAMN THING!
After giving us all heart attacks last week, Ben once again pulled herself to the front of the pack (Gaggle? Clutch? Murder?) where she belongs. Ben won a year's worth of eyelashes, and even with her prodigious acting skills, failed to seem really all that enthused about it.
Now the Main Challenge! The queens must host their own talk shows, interviewing EVERYONE WHO IS ALMOST CHER, namely Cher's progeny, Chaz Bono, and Cher's country singin' mama, Georgia Holt. "I am going to be one degree of separation...from...CHEEEEEER!" Courtney squeals, and she's correct. Cher was busy I guess.
Each of the queens proceeded to interview Chaz and The Cher Mother with varying degrees of awkwardness—Trinity kept calling Chaz "Chad," for Christ's sake—except for our dear Dela, who pulled off the tightest, most terminally delightful interview possible. "You were a breath of fresh air," says Chad Bono. Chaz. Whatever.
Ben was also the triumph of the Runway Challenge. The theme was Animal Kingdom or something, and Ben blew the runway apart in an astonishing iridescent BUG GIRL costume by Jamie Von Stratton. Darienne was an elephant with really hard nipples. Bianca was a cheetah! Too fucking real.
Precisely as I predicted last week (please note), after a ferocious and alarmingly acrobatic lip-synch against Joslyn (these queens are flipping FLEXIBLE), mumbling TRINITY goes down in a mushy ball of mush-mouth. That makes me kind of sad now, as a) Darrienne is still kicking, b) Trinity's runway look was spectacular (this crazy, beautiful feathered bird kinda thing), and c) she was beginning to grow on me. Sniff. But forward we must go.
Predictions! Darienne is next to go fake-tits up (FINALLY), Ben remains strong, Bianca pulls to the lead. But DO NOT quote me on that. Even though I was right about everything last week. Shooo.