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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

What Movie Would Win the Republican Oscars?

Posted by on Wed, Mar 12, 2014 at 11:38 AM

Alex Stedman at Variety says that a new poll shows Republican dissatisfaction with the Academy choosing 12 Years a Slave as Best Picture:

In a survey released by Public Policy Polling, the organization asked 1,152 registered voters, via telephone and Internet, their thoughts on the Steve McQueen’s most recent film being named best picture at the Oscars...In all 53% of respondents who identify as Democrats said they agreed with the selection of “12 Years a Slave,” while only 15% of the Republican participants answered the same way. Also 23% of the Republicans went on to say that they disagreed with the selection, while only 10% of Democrats did as well.

Thanks to conservative writer James Bowman, we know that the primary Republican problem with 12 Years a Slave is that it didn't show any happy slaves.

But the question that Public Policy Polling didn't ask, and the question that I really want answered is: Which of the nominated movies would Republicans want to win the Best Picture Oscar? One of American Hustle's main characters is a corrupt FBI agent, so that's out. Dallas Buyer's Club is definitely not going to win over Sarah Palin voters. Gravity features a female lead character, so Republicans won't approve. Her is about a liberal freak who sodomizes his phone—thanks a lot, Hollyweird—and Nebraska kind of makes fun of the real America. Philomena is too British, and while the economic values on display in Wolf of Wall Street are certainly appealing to a Republican mindset, there's way too much sex and drugs to ignore.

No, I think the Republican Oscar winner would have to be Captain Phillips, because it features a hardworking American who fights off foreigners with the help of the Navy. (And no major female characters.) But even Captain Phillips isn't entirely Republican-friendly, because it also features foreign pirates who aren't totally unlikable monsters. So maybe they'd give the Best Picture Oscar to a bowdlerized, 45-minute cut of Captain Phillips that trims out every scene shot from the pirates' perspective. I imagine that would really do well in movie theaters in conservative districts. Especially if they managed to edit in a few scenes of Kirk Cameron running around the ship trying to find a quiet place to pray for protection from the pirates. That's the movie Republicans would want to see.

(Thanks to Slog tipper Clinton.)


Comments (14) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Sole Survivor or Zero Dark Thirty. I think one of those would win the Republican Oscars year after year after year.
Posted by Centrists Rule the World today on March 12, 2014 at 12:03 PM · Report this
Julie in Eugene 2
Captain Phillips would definitely have been the Republican choice. Guns! Heros! Navy SEALS! Also, it sucked the most, so there's that.
Posted by Julie in Eugene on March 12, 2014 at 12:03 PM · Report this
fletc3her 3
Atlas Shrugged.

Like @1 I think they would probably end the idea that only films released this year need be eligible so they could honor good conservative titles year after year.

This year they have Noah to look forward to!
Posted by fletc3her on March 12, 2014 at 12:07 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 4
@3 - The religious right has already decided that Noah takes too many liberties with the inerrant, self-contradictory word of God.
Posted by MacCrocodile on March 12, 2014 at 12:12 PM · Report this
You've got to differentiate between public posturing and the stuff they actually watch. Don't forget that porn consumption is highest in the most conservative red states.
Posted by anon1256 on March 12, 2014 at 12:28 PM · Report this

My vote would have to be for "The Hunt" because it clearly shows how Liberalism run rampant evolves into totalitarianism.

We saw this played out in real life with the Woody Allen case.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on March 12, 2014 at 12:40 PM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 7
More interesting is how many of the best and supporting actor, actress, winners and nominees, directors, and producers vote Republican.
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on March 12, 2014 at 1:14 PM · Report this
@6 More nonsense from you? There is nothing especially "liberal" about judging before proven guilty. In fact, Liberalism acknowledges diversity and advocates tolerance while history shows that conservatives do great at witch hunting.
Posted by anon1256 on March 12, 2014 at 1:21 PM · Report this
seattlestew 9
Tom Hanks could be Imperator of the Flyover States.
Posted by seattlestew on March 12, 2014 at 1:37 PM · Report this
No worries about the Somalis in Cap'n Phillips, rightwingers are good at ignoring any humanizing information about minorities.
Posted by fruitbat on March 12, 2014 at 1:44 PM · Report this
"Thanks to conservative writer James Bowman, we know that the primary Republican problem with 12 Years a Slave is that it didn't show any happy slaves."

Wait...wasn't there an entire section of the movie about a slave who wound up becoming her owners mistress and leading a comfortable life?
Posted by mehals on March 12, 2014 at 4:44 PM · Report this


So you are saying you didn't see the "The Hunt"?

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on March 12, 2014 at 5:37 PM · Report this
Knat 13
There was a totally useless character in the new Riddick movie that did nothing useful, only wander around acting scared and spouting Hail Marys. Now that you mention it, Kirk Cameron could have easily played that part. Of course, there was a brief shot of boobs onscreen, and that alone would have kept him from having anything to do with it, but hey, it might have added an extra layer of awful (on top of the seven layer shit cake that was the rest of the film) for me to laugh at.
Posted by Knat on March 12, 2014 at 8:05 PM · Report this
@7 I take issue with your post. I respect your opinion but that statement needs some facts to back it up. It simply can't be true! You are selectively picking your favorite (republican) persons to be your proof? I'm calling B.S.
Posted by longwayhome on March 12, 2014 at 9:18 PM · Report this

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