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Friday, March 7, 2014

The Morning News! Hey Everyone! It's Morning! Get Your Monocle On

Posted by on Fri, Mar 7, 2014 at 8:47 AM

Monocles Are "Back" According to a New York Times Story That Is Not the Most Important News of the Day But Definitely the Most Haunting: I mean, he looks patently evil. How can you have a monocle a not be a bad guy? Unless you're The New Yorker's logo, Eustace Tilley, and anyway he isn't wearing a monocle, he's holding it at a distance, because monocles are inherently creepy. Take it away, weird New York Times Style Section tone: "The one-lensed eyepiece, an item favored by 19th-century military men, robber barons and Mr. Peanut, is finding itself wedged anew into the ocular sockets..." etc.

The Lack of an Oxford Comma in That There Sentence Is Infuriating: You do all that other starchy bluster but you can't bring yourself to wedge a clarifying and beautiful little serial comma into the sentence, New York Times? Just a little nick of ink right there? A couple pixels? Freaking jerks.

OK, So, News—U.S. Senate Does Not Seem Interested in Fixing Military's Sexual Assault Crisis: There was "a controversial bipartisan bill to remove military commanders from decisions over the prosecution of sexual assault cases in the armed forces," but it was rejected yesterday. This is one of those cases where what Rand Paul says is actually totally right: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” Or as Anna put it yesterday on Slog, "I'm so angry I can't actually process it."

But Our State Senate Just Passed a Very Good Law: To make it possible for courts to ask people convicted of domestic violence to surrender their guns. Seems like a no-brainer, right? Crazy it wasn't already the law. Plus: "One quarter of domestic violence perpetrators who kill their spouses had been served with a protection order before doing so. Many of these murders are carried out with a fire arm." If you've never read Anna's piece about domestic violence and shootings, it's required reading.

Anna Has Been Killing It on Slog Lately, Don't You Think? She was at the (long) minimum wage town hall on Wednesday and heard lots of people speak, including Anh Tran, who gave a barn-burner on gender pay equity, and restaurateur Angela Stowell, who employs 200 people and supports a "total compensation" approach: "We wholeheartedly support a minimum wage increase... But our servers and bartenders actually make over $30 an hour just in tips. So a phasing-in possibly, and certainly a total compensation is going to be the smart" way to go, in Stowell's opinion. She offered to open her businesses' books to the council. (Businesses'? Is that right? It's early. Pretty sure it's businesses'.)

New Allegations Against Ex-King County Sheriff's Deputy: "A fired sheriff’s deputy alleged to have stolen drugs while working for the DEA hoped to use a gang of strippers to take over the Shoreline drug trade in suburban Seattle, federal investigators now contend."

Did Mars Hill Church Buy Its Way Onto the New York Times Bestseller List in 2012? "A church in Seattle is answering some uncomfortable questions after proof surfaced that they had paid an outside firm over $200,000 to ensure the placement of a book by their pastor on various bestseller lists," writes Julia Fleischaker at Melville House Books. Carolyn Kellog at the Los Angeles Times explains: "The spike onto a bestseller list and then disappearance — as opposed to an up-and-down arc, or a high debut followed by a decline — can indicate something other than typical consumer book-buying behavior."

Designs for a New Entrance to Pike Place Market: has a bunch of artist renderings of what it will look like.

Safeway and Albertsons Are Hooking Up: "Safeway said in February that it was looking into putting itself up for sale," the AP reports via And Albertsons was all, "Yeah, sure, I'd tap that." The price? Somewhere in the neighborhood of $9 billion.

Lucha Libre Mexican Wrestling Trying to Go Legit: Al Jazeera reports, "Twice in the past month, luchadores have stormed the rotunda in Olympia (actually, they carpooled wearing dress shirts and ties, but hyperbole is an important element in wrestling culture). Once inside, they removed their masks — a big deal, as masked mystique is a big part of lucha libre — and asked state legislators to remove their sport from a regulatory headlock." State Rep. Zack Hudgins agrees: "This is theater. Performance. Spectacle. The regulations should fit that."

Density Gets a Little More Dense: These homeowners in Ballard are upset that a developer is allowed to build new construction ten inches away from their house.

OK, Now Let's Look at Something Relaxing: How bout, like, a really sleepy tiger? Maybe resting on a big, stone sculpture? Yes, sure, that sounds great.


Comments (17) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Maybe the lady in Ballard shouldn't have built her house as close to the setback as possible. Can't do it and then complain when the neighbors want to do the same thing.
Posted by Bhamjason on March 7, 2014 at 9:06 AM · Report this
Original Andrew 2
The only time a monocle ever looked good was when Winona Ryder wore one in Heathers.
Posted by Original Andrew on March 7, 2014 at 9:13 AM · Report this
originalcinner 3
Sometimes an Oxford comma is needed to take away ambiguity, but here it would just be aesthetic. Not necessary.
Posted by originalcinner on March 7, 2014 at 9:18 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 4
Fnarf would rock a monacle.
Posted by Matt from Denver on March 7, 2014 at 9:28 AM · Report this
care bear 5
Christopher for Morning News every day!
Posted by care bear on March 7, 2014 at 9:47 AM · Report this
rob! 6



—is it dead yet?
Posted by rob! on March 7, 2014 at 9:51 AM · Report this
trstr 7
It's simply jaw-dropping that the owners of a nine-restaurant empire would say "oh our employees make too darn much, so we need to take some of their pay away from them by making up a 'total compensation' ruse". Shameless.

People need a living wage, and the bosses are saying in response "fine, now we're going to make you pay for the healthcare that we were providing for you, we're going to make you pay for the travel you're doing for us, we're going to make you pay for the meals we've been giving you." This is a sleight of hand that these wealthy business owners are using to smack down their employees for daring to ask for a wage they can live on and to roll back traditional employee benefits, forcing their employees to pay for benefits that the employer used to provide.

I can't understate how massive of a change this is.
Posted by trstr on March 7, 2014 at 9:51 AM · Report this
Gern Blanston 9
Teddy Roosevelt wore a monocle and he was like everyone's favorite uncle.
Posted by Gern Blanston on March 7, 2014 at 10:07 AM · Report this
keshmeshi 10

They talk about how the house was recently redone. I wonder of it's one of the many small houses in this area built out to be a gargantuan house on a postage stamp lot.
Posted by keshmeshi on March 7, 2014 at 10:33 AM · Report this
@3: Came here to say this. The Oxford Comma should only be used where necessary to help clarify meaning. In this instance it is not needed and would just be a useless hunk of punctuation floating out there for no reason.
Posted by MRM on March 7, 2014 at 11:22 AM · Report this
Snappertuna 12
I think the monacle story is the NYT's revenge for "Lamestain."
Posted by Snappertuna on March 7, 2014 at 11:42 AM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 13
@9 no, he wore a pince-nez as his cousin would later take up wearing
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on March 7, 2014 at 12:56 PM · Report this
@3 @11 -- Hate to disagree, but the sentence as written could be interpreted to mean that robber barons and Mr. Peanut were 19-century military men. Lack of a serial comma almost never doesn't cause confusion.
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on March 7, 2014 at 1:05 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 15

moniclewinsky. My god that was wonderful.
Posted by mikethehammer on March 7, 2014 at 2:58 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 16
I saw Robber Barons and Mr. Peanut at a pool show in Williamsburg.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on March 7, 2014 at 4:00 PM · Report this
Fnarf 17
@4, no, I have two eyes, neither one of which works for shit. Which is why I now have to juggle two pairs of specs. Nobody wants four monocles hanging from their neck -- six, if you can't get them in bifocals.
Posted by Fnarf on March 7, 2014 at 4:36 PM · Report this
seatackled 18
Christopher for Morning News every day! .

Well, he sure needs the practice. Sorry, but this is may be the poorest Mornng News I've seen. Multiple links go right back to Slog or Stranger articles, the New York Times, or the P-I.

And the Oxford comma, while desirable, would be as @3 says, aesthetic.

The sentence is not that brilliantly written, but there should really be no confusion that "19th-century military men, robber barons and Mr. Peanut" could mean that robber barons and Mr. Peanut are the military men. I think it's parallelism--that is, the lack of it--that makes the comma unnecessary: robber barons and Mr. Peanut would both have to be singular or plural for it to confuse.
Posted by seatackled on March 7, 2014 at 6:40 PM · Report this

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