Originally posted on October 7, 2010
I am a 23-year-old lesbian with a beautiful girlfriend whom I met a month ago. Here's the problem: She screams so loudly throughout sex that I am concerned for my roommate and other people who live in our building, as well as the entire neighborhood. I would know how to handle this situation if she were completely mute during sex—draw her out, make it into a game, etc.—but I'm scared of telling her she's too loud, because I don't want to hamper her enjoyment. I even tried to make this into a role-play game where we would pretend we needed to be silent for some reason, but nothing makes a difference.
How can I approach this without making her self-conscious?
Lesbian Over Ungodly Din.
My response after the jump...
You don't want to make her self-conscious, and that's a lovely impulse, but she's making you self-conscious, LOUD, and you're just going to have to risk making her self-conscious. Because we're not talking about a few loud yelps or screams at the climax(es) of the act(s), which is something a roommate or a neighbor can reasonably be expected to endure, but caterwauling throughout. That's not okay. Tell the new girlfriend that the yelling wouldn't be a problem if you lived on 200 acres of land, but you live in an apartment building, in the city, and you have a roommate and neighbors.
Under those circumstances, you have a right to ask her to stifle herself. And if she reacts badly, or if she sulks like a child, then she's obviously not mature enough to waste your valuable time (and tongue) on.