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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The War on Sandwiches Began Today

Posted by on Wed, Mar 5, 2014 at 2:05 PM

Claire Carter at the Telegraph writes:

The Tats steak and cheese is what civilization looks like.
  • Kelly O
  • The Tat's steak and cheese is what civilization looks like.
Sandwiches have been banned from an officers’ mess after a commander noticed many soldiers were eating them with their hands as he insisted “a gentleman or a lady uses a knife and fork.”

In a letter to soldiers under his command, Major General James Cowan said that sandwich-eating and other “frankly barbaric” habits needed to stop.

The note, addressed to ‘Chaps’, said: “Quite a few officers in the divisional mess seem to be under the impression that they can eat their food with their hands. The practice of serving rolls and sandwiches must stop,” the Sun reported.

Major Cowan could not be more wrong about sandwiches. Eating with a knife or fork is not a sign of civilization. Sandwiches are far more civilized than hacking animal flesh to pieces with a blade and shoveling chunks of meat into your mouth with a tiny pitchfork. For every sandwich, you have to bake bread and craft the ingredients to fit in an edible container perfectly designed to fit in the human hand. Have you ever seen a dog eat a sandwich? They don't understand them. They make a mess of them. That's because sandwiches are for human beings. They are perfect examples of everything that is good about civilization.


Comments (18) RSS

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TomJohnsonJr 1
As a typical middle child I must pipe up for the open-face sandwich as pleasing to both poles of the Major-Constant continuum.
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on March 5, 2014 at 2:15 PM · Report this
So let me guess... you had a contest in the office to see who could write the best Charles Mudede post and Paul won? That last paragraph was pure Chuck.
Posted by longball on March 5, 2014 at 2:16 PM · Report this
seatackled 3
Also, a gentleman or a lady fights with a cutlass or, if need arises, a musket. Hurling grenades with bare hands is frankly barbaric. Such must have been the thought of His Lordship the Earl of Sandwich, who was never known to have thrown a grenade.
Posted by seatackled on March 5, 2014 at 2:17 PM · Report this
@2, Right!? Having failed to note the author, when I got to the bit about dogs vs humans I totally assumed it was a Mudede post.
Posted by JenV on March 5, 2014 at 2:21 PM · Report this
mkyorai 5
Paul, the commanding officer was a major general, not a major, and would be addressed as General Cowan. Substantial, nay, huge difference.
Posted by mkyorai on March 5, 2014 at 2:25 PM · Report this
We're sure the original source of this story isn't The Onion?
Posted by brent.b on March 5, 2014 at 2:27 PM · Report this
@5, Sounds more like he should be addressed as "dumbass"
Posted by GermanSausage on March 5, 2014 at 2:29 PM · Report this
It wasn't until 1969 that women could even sit at a bar in Washington State. They also could not walk around with a drink, they had to remain seated at a table when consuming spirits and the drink had to be ordered by a man. I put the whole story of what I know about the above here:…
Posted by ortolan on March 5, 2014 at 2:40 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 9
No man wearing that hat gets to tell me what a gentleman does or does not do.
Posted by MacCrocodile on March 5, 2014 at 2:42 PM · Report this
Hear, hear, Paul Constant!

@3: And what leaves one hand free to wield a cutlass? A SANDWICH.
Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on March 5, 2014 at 2:43 PM · Report this
treacle 11
Charles clearly hacked Paul's account & did a post.

Hey! Did you know that 2012 was the 250th Anniversary of the Invention of the Sandwich! It was! The Earl of Sandwich is one of my personal gyros.
Posted by treacle on March 5, 2014 at 2:56 PM · Report this
wisepunk 12
1. Tatstrami
2. Paseo Cuban Pork
3. Paseo Carribean Roast
4. Saigon Deli Bahn Mi BBQ Pork
5. Whatever they tell you to buy on the day you come into Salumi

The lesson is now over.
Posted by wisepunk on March 5, 2014 at 3:03 PM · Report this
Fnarf 13
I say, old bean, none of these chappies are wearing plus-fours! What's that all about, then?
Posted by Fnarf on March 5, 2014 at 3:47 PM · Report this
Just trust the Torygraph to wage the rearguard battles of half a century ago.
Posted by anon1256 on March 5, 2014 at 4:42 PM · Report this
Just Jeff 15
I thought it was Mudede at first too. Maybe it's a welcome sign that Charles is rubbing off on the younger Turks in the house.
Posted by Just Jeff on March 5, 2014 at 4:56 PM · Report this
sirkowski 16
What a fop!
Posted by sirkowski on March 5, 2014 at 5:04 PM · Report this
kk in seattle 17
A gentleman eats a roll with his hands. One piece at a time, torn by hand, and not cut with a knife. Each bite is buttered individually. It's a Christian tradition to tear bread by hand. An Oxbridge man would know this. Why, the good Major General is practically accusing the Holy Saviour of being barbaric. I should hope the Queen will soon be having a chat with him.
Posted by kk in seattle on March 5, 2014 at 7:35 PM · Report this
That person holding the sandwich certainly has a nice smile.
Posted by longwayhome on March 7, 2014 at 7:30 PM · Report this

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