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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Morning News: Too Many Calories, Not Enough Taxes

Posted by on Wed, Mar 5, 2014 at 9:03 AM

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It's Ash Wednesday: That's not printer toner.

Calories, Schmalories: The World Health Organization says only 5% of calories should be from sugar. The World Health Organization has never shared an office with Dan Savage, Patron Saint of Cookies.

Straight Up Bonin': It's possible that human bones have been found along the Columbia River after the water level was lowered to do some repairs on a dam. Maybe it's just an otter, which, thanks to early childhood books, is literally the only thing I think about when I hear about dams.

We Don't Know What It Is, So Let's Tax the Shit Out of It: Is it a cigarette? Is it an updated hookah? Is it just "nicotine infused juices," the worst phrase I've ever read? Lawmakers can't figure out that e-cigs are water vapor, so they want to tax them like cigarettes just in case.

Sacre Oh Shit!: French chefs are freaking out because worms are eating all of the escargot. "All the snails in Europe could be wiped out." I can't wait for the movie version of this—Liam Neeson is going to fuck those worms up!

A Spokane Man Won the Pot Showcase Showdown: And might get the state's first marijuana license. Please respect his privacy during this difficult time.

Low Wage, High Rage: Students showed up at Seattle Community College yesterday to voice their concerns about the proposed minimum wage hike. One student is worried he'll lose his restaurant job if the minimum wage is increased, whereas I'm worried that a college student working in a restaurant makes more money than me.

Creepy Crawling: Olympia police have arrested a suspected abductor, and fear that he may have many more victims.

The Real Million Dollar Drug Dealers of Lynnwood: An accused drug dealer may have had up to $3 million hidden in his basement.

What Kind of Fuckery Is This: A teenage girl is suing her parents because they refused to pay for her college education. Oh, it's like that? I have a list going back to 1985 that includes a Pogo Ball, some He-Man figurines, and a Huffy bike I never got. TIME TO PAY UP, GRANDMA.

Forgot You Were Even Up There: The Hubble Space Telescope caught young stars being ripped away from the galaxy. It's like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan all over again. Shame.

Speaking of Lohan: How fucked up is your life when Oprah Winfrey steps in to be your life coach? We're going to find out, because Lindsay Lohan has a new show documenting her life coming out on OWN.

 

Comments (25) RSS

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1
I sense a set-up with those "concerned" protesters against the $15 minimum wage. The guy wouldn't even tell the reporter where he supposedly works.
Posted by floater on March 5, 2014 at 9:26 AM · Report this
2
Do you think maybe it's a beaver? because I can't think of any kids books which associate otters with dams.
Posted by ssmary on March 5, 2014 at 9:28 AM · Report this
3 Comment Pulled (Trolling) Comment Policy
well_now 4
I came here to say what @2 said. According to Google, otters do not build dams, but they will squat in abandoned beaver dams. Although... the otters in the Redwall books were so crafty, I wouldn't put it past them to make a dam, despite that being the domain of the beavers.
Posted by well_now on March 5, 2014 at 9:33 AM · Report this
5
A 75% tax is higher than the taxes on cigarettes and liquor ?

No, it's really not. A carton of cigarettes is about $65 of which $30.25 (+sales tax) is state taxes. I think the feds might get in on that too. http://dor.wa.gov/content/findtaxesandra…

Also, by the same metric as "it's just water vapor" my sneeze/cough/urine is "just water vapor". Mostly water doesn't mean that there's no addictive nicotine in there.
Posted by ChefJoe on March 5, 2014 at 9:36 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 6
Is that the Lynwood near Seatle?

Posted by Sir Vic on March 5, 2014 at 9:36 AM · Report this
DOUG. 7
The river bones are probably those of a perverted hillbilly.
Posted by DOUG. http://www.dougsvotersguide.com on March 5, 2014 at 9:37 AM · Report this
Keekee 8
@7:
Yes'm ma'am! 'Cause we's all jest hillbillies out here in ol' Eastern WA! :-)
Posted by Keekee on March 5, 2014 at 9:45 AM · Report this
9
"E-Cigs" are a recreational nicotine delivery device like tobacco cigarettes and unlike nicotine patches. It makes sense to tax and regulate the same as cigarettes.
Posted by WestSeven on March 5, 2014 at 9:49 AM · Report this
CC-Rob 10
No mention of the news of the CIA monitoring the computers of Senate Staffers? Though you did get that important Lindsay Lohan video.
Posted by CC-Rob on March 5, 2014 at 9:52 AM · Report this
dnt trust me 11
Paul Constant has moved up to third from last as my fave Stranger writer. Danielle takes his former spot.
Posted by dnt trust me on March 5, 2014 at 9:56 AM · Report this
12
YOU GUYS I WROTE THIS AT 7AM ON ZERO COFFEE--BEAVERS, OTTERS, CAMELS, VALKYRIES, CALM DOWN.6
Posted by Danielle Henderson on March 5, 2014 at 10:09 AM · Report this
raindrop 13
Ms. Lohan is not "coming out" as a lesbian (or FTM transgender) it's about her regaining sobriety. Watch only the first minute to see how excruciatingly boring it is.

Celebrities regaining their sobriety is of interest to nobody.
Posted by raindrop on March 5, 2014 at 10:11 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 14
@12 No problem Daniele. Just because you write for a living doesn't mean you have to care about spelling or grammar, right?
Posted by Sir Vic on March 5, 2014 at 10:16 AM · Report this
JonnoN 15
@9, no doubt you can point to studies showing ecigs are just as harmful as smoking?
Posted by JonnoN http://www.backnine.org/ on March 5, 2014 at 10:59 AM · Report this
Max Solomon 16
Danielle, coffee or not, your conflation of otters with beavers is unacceptable. this is the Pacific Northwest, and we are fucking serious about otters!

And before you make a similar error in the future, please learn about Aplodontia Rufa, the Mountain Beaver: http://wdfw.wa.gov/living/mtn_beavers.ht…
Posted by Max Solomon on March 5, 2014 at 11:00 AM · Report this
rob! 17
Dr. Sherwin Nuland died Monday. NYTimes obit. Talking on NPR last summer about his experience with electroshock therapy.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on March 5, 2014 at 11:00 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 18
Piling on with @2 and 4. I've never seen an otter and a dam together.

But I've seen a mink swimming in Friday Harbor.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on March 5, 2014 at 11:20 AM · Report this
19
E-cig vapor contains more than only H20, that's for sure. Everytime someone declares "it's only water vapor", I tell them "water vapor isn't causing causing my asthma to act up, it's the chemicals suspended in the water vapor."
Posted by TheVripper on March 5, 2014 at 11:28 AM · Report this
rob! 20
Sherwin Nuland's essays and book reviews for the New Republic.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on March 5, 2014 at 11:37 AM · Report this
21
Nowhere in the kiro story or the video did the server who stated their yearly earnings also identify as a college student.

But those of you who have never worked in the front of the house now see that a server, expected to start at a $9/hr minimum wage plus tips, can clear $38k a year (and probably more).
Posted by ChefJoe on March 5, 2014 at 11:43 AM · Report this
22
I'm worried that a college student working in a restaurant makes more money than me


Danielle, you've managed to land a job that many people would be ecstatic to have at any wage, while restaurant workers have jobs that nobody would do if it weren't for the paycheck.

Why does it bother you that a restaurant worker might earn more than you do? Can you see where there's quite possibly a huge assumption of privilege in your little scrap of off-the-cuff snark, there?
Posted by robotslave on March 5, 2014 at 12:16 PM · Report this
seatackled 23
Sigh. Welcome to Slog, Danielle.
Posted by seatackled on March 5, 2014 at 1:45 PM · Report this
24
@13: You really ARE trying to take SROTU's place aren't you...
Posted by Hanoumatoi on March 5, 2014 at 7:15 PM · Report this
Sandiai 25
"Celebrities regaining their sobriety is of interest to nobody."

Really?!
Posted by Sandiai on March 6, 2014 at 1:10 AM · Report this

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