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Thursday, February 27, 2014

Government Trying to Spy on Citizens Annoyed Because People Are Masturbating on Camera All the Time

Posted by on Thu, Feb 27, 2014 at 11:51 AM

The Guardian's latest scoop is at once horrifying and kind of funny.

Britain's surveillance agency GCHQ, with aid from the US National Security Agency, intercepted and stored the webcam images of millions of internet users not suspected of wrongdoing, secret documents reveal.

GCHQ files dating between 2008 and 2010 explicitly state that a surveillance program codenamed Optic Nerve collected still images of Yahoo webcam chats in bulk and saved them to agency databases, regardless of whether individual users were an intelligence target or not.
...
The documents also chronicle GCHQ's sustained struggle to keep the large store of sexually explicit imagery collected by Optic Nerve away from the eyes of its staff, though there is little discussion about the privacy implications of storing this material in the first place

One could imagine an In the Loop-style dark comedy about the bureaucrats tasked to somehow screen out all the dick pics in the hunt for some legitimate terrorism data. The more of these kinds of stories I read, the more I agree with Brendan Kiley: Off or on, no webcam is safe.

 

Comments (15) RSS

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1
Obviously, the proper response to this is to overwhelm them with "data". Webcam masturbation day, anyone?
Posted by sounds fun on February 27, 2014 at 12:10 PM · Report this
Lizajane 2
HAAHAHAHAAAAAa! OMG!!! Hahahaaaa!!!
Spit my coffee all over the place! Heehehe!!
Posted by Lizajane on February 27, 2014 at 12:12 PM · Report this
Lizajane 3
@1 yes! I second that idea!
Posted by Lizajane on February 27, 2014 at 12:14 PM · Report this
Leishalynn 4
I've said it all along. The NSA and other government agencies are doing the same thing everyone else is doing on the internet -- playing games and watching porn.
Posted by Leishalynn on February 27, 2014 at 12:24 PM · Report this
MrBaker 5
A British comedy remake of the Lives of Others is just what Brittany needs.
Posted by MrBaker http://manywordsforrain.blogspot.com/ on February 27, 2014 at 12:29 PM · Report this
Fnarf 6
My webcam is safe, because it has a strip of gaffer tape over it. Not that I'm paranoid or anything.

This is hilarious, of course, and it just points up what I've been saying all along: the reason mass data collection is stupid isn't because ZOMG BILDERBERG NEW WORLD ORDER but because it's just bullshit. The only people who are ever going to use the data are creeps stalking their ex-girlfriends or random women they don't even know (as has already happened, both). Just like the only use for those backscatter machines at the airport wasn't detecting weapons (they couldn't) but providing fodder for mouthbreathing TSA dorks to laugh at.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on February 27, 2014 at 12:50 PM · Report this
7
@6: It's not paranoia. Agents of United States' and other nations' governments are actually trying to collect everything they can about you and everyone else.
Posted by Phil M http://https://twitter.com/pmocek on February 27, 2014 at 1:15 PM · Report this
Dr_Awesome 8
If everyone in the us added "Fuck You NSA to their email signature, and everyone taped a picture of a giant hairy asshole over their webcam. It wouldn't solve anything but damn that would be awesome.
The NSA would have the worlds largest collection of hairy asshole pics.

P.s. Fuck You NSA and fuck you James Clapper.
Posted by Dr_Awesome on February 27, 2014 at 1:49 PM · Report this
rob! 9
"...collected still images of Yahoo webcam chats in bulk..."

Yeah, I'm sure they just took one snap off each available webcam every week or so... last I heard, all formats of movin' pitchers use a pile of still images. That seems painfully contrived to try to fool people into thinking their whole grunting, grimacing, thirty-second to three-hour sessions weren't recorded on video.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on February 27, 2014 at 1:49 PM · Report this
rob! 10
@8, we've gotta figure out the optics. However Google Glass parks a display half-an-inch from your cornea and makes it legible, that's what needs doing to make that ocean of starfish hi-def.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on February 27, 2014 at 1:52 PM · Report this
COMTE 11
I get your point here Paul, but let's not forget that women are just as capable of transmitting images of clam slapping as men are of dick pics, just saying.
Posted by COMTE on February 27, 2014 at 2:38 PM · Report this
Fnarf 12
Clam slapping?
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on February 27, 2014 at 2:49 PM · Report this
13
Which is exactly why you should view this former US Department of Justice attorney who now represents Edward Snowden:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y8B93r2g…
Posted by sgt_doom on February 27, 2014 at 4:12 PM · Report this
14
Like @6, I have placed black tape over the web cam in my laptop. I don't use it (and if I did I could always take the tape off). Don't forget the computer viruses that allow nefarious people to turn your web cam on without alerting you. Or the school system that gave out laptops to their students and then spied on them at home. The NSA isn't the only threat (though they are the ones that can arrest you and send to to foreign prisons to be tortured).

My guess is they can turn on your cell phone remotely listen to even when you aren't on a phone call.
Posted by Strangest on February 27, 2014 at 8:35 PM · Report this
15
Instead of facial recognition software maybe they need it to recognize other... umm... parts
Posted by Upchuck on March 1, 2014 at 5:35 PM · Report this

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