This is the first thing I read on Sunday morning...


My response:


Yes, I ran to the Pope and tattled on Catholic Lisa. I thought Francis should know that Catholic Lisa wasn't in church on Sunday morning, where she belonged, but online, concern trolling a gay dude about his asshole. (Which, for the record, is just fine. Also for the record: "gay bowel syndrome" is bullshit—unlike, say, "rapist priest syndrome.") Me and Catholic Lisa, who I'd never had the pleasure of meeting before, proceeded to get into a little twitter spat. In all honesty, Slog, I let her have it. I figured if this woman wanted to spend her Sunday morning talking about gay assholes, I was going give her all the gay asshole she could handle.



I also let her have this and this and this.

The next thing I knew I was tweeting back and forth about my asshole with Catholic Lisa (who insists she not homophobic, it's just that gay people are disgusting and we make her vomit), other gay men were jumping in about their assholes, then I was debating Catholic Lisa's assholery with Catholic Joel Connelly. We were at full-blown twitter war! It continued through breakfast and raged on even after I got my ass to gay church, a.k.a. the gym, with Episcopalian Terry, my gay husband. (His asshole, for the record, is more than fine.) Terry was getting annoyed about how Catholic Lisa was distracting me from my spotting duties. Which lead to this exchange between Catholic Lisa and Episcopalian Terry:



When Catholic Lisa tweeted at me again, Terry donated $50 to Planned Parenthood in Catholic Lisa's name and tweeted her a picture of the receipt. She tweeted at me again, Terry donated again in Catholic Lisa's name. She tweeted at me again, Terry donated again. Catholic Lisa kept on tweeting at us. She claimed that she was being bullied and posted my high school graduation picture as proof. Then Terry asked his followers to donate to Planned Parenthood, I asked mine to donate to Planned Parenthood, and before the afternoon was over we had raised more than $3,000 for Planned Parenthood—all in Catholic Lisa's name. And this was the first tweet I read this morning:


So my Monday got off to a much better start than my Sunday. Catholic Lisa, for her part, sees our twitter spat like this:


Wrong. Catholic Lisa is free to express her views. No one really gives a shit about her views. We spent the day raising money for Planned Parenthood because Catholic Lisa wouldn't stop blowing up our twitter feed. And Catholic Lisa is wrong about what Planned Parenthood does:

plannedparenthood.jpg

By providing women with contraception—35% of what they do—Planned Parenthood helps to bring down the abortion rate. That's what access to contraception does. And here's the proof. The abortion rate is lower now than it has been at any time since Roe v. Wade thanks to greater access to contraception. So by making contraception services available to women, Planned Parenthood drives down the abortion rate. People like Catholic Lisa—people who oppose abortion—should thank everyone at Planned Parenthood for all that they've done and all that they continue to do to prevent unplanned pregnancies and abortions.

And finally: it's not too late to participate in our impromptu fundraiser for Planned Parenthood! Click here to donate!

One last exchange... after the jump...


Yes, the credit for the fundraiser goes to Terry—and, yes, as anyone who's read American Savage knows, he is the badass in our marriage.